Have you parents ever met your in-laws? Before or after your marriage? Are they cordial, or chilly?
My first wife’s mother and my mom met at the wedding, and their contact and friendship lasted decades longer than the marriage, with occasional visits over the years.
My parents came 3,000 miles to visit me, and hit it off famously with my second intended’s parents, who were very hospitable. But they didn’t see each other or correspond much after that.
My parents have had fairly little interaction with my in-laws. They get along cordially enough, but they’ve only met a handful of times, in the 30 years that my wife and I have been together. Part of is that my parents are in northern Wisconsin, while my mother-in-law lives a few miles away from us in suburban Chicago, and my father-in-law lived in Florida (before he passed away last year).
My parents came down to Chicago last fall for my father-in-law’s funeral – though he lived in Florida, when he discovered that he was seriously ill with cancer, he came up to Chicago for treatment, and he passed away here. My mother-in-law and her husband were at the funeral, and I think that was the first time in over 20 years that my parents had seen either of my wife’s parents in person.
My in-laws are divorced but cordial; my parents get along with both of them, to the point we all spend Thanksgiving together. I think my MIL is a bit envious, perhaps even resentful of my mom’s relationship with my husband and me, as well as with our niece (my MIL’s only grandchild). My mom is bubbly and warm; we spend a lot of time with my folks, more than we spend with my MIL. Our niece/MIL’s grandkid adores my mom too, while my MIL is very awkward around her. My mom would like to spend every holiday together in one big happy group, but I’ve begun to see that my MIL doesn’t seem to want that. As much as we try to include her, she manages to feel left out, and it’s honestly kind of exhausting. So my husband and I are trying to spend a little time with just her, and not include her every time we see my parents. Because she’s very sensitive and talking to her can be a minefield, we try to choose activities that don’t leave much time for talking, like going to temple or seeing a play or movie. So on the surface it’s all very friendly, but there’s not much beneath the surface.
My MIL wrote a letter to my mother which made my mother cry, and they were not tears of joy. This was just months after we started dating.
Since the ILs and my parents lived on opposite coasts, there was no contact between them after the wedding.
All my grandparents, who lived in the same small town, got along, but didn’t do anything together unless their kids (my parents) were in town. Oddly enough, after my mom’s parents passed away, her brother took to calling my dad’s widowed mother. They would spend an hour or two on the phone, once or twice a week.
In the beginning my parents and future in-laws were united in their opposition to us getting married so young.
After a few years they realized that my father-in-law was a full blown narcissist and total buffoon and my mother-in-law a full blown drunkard. They still got along with m-i-l but completely blew off my f-i-l and would have nothing to do with him. M-i-l is now deceased.
On several occasions my Mother has told my father-in-law *“I still cannot believe my son doesn’t kick you right in your ass. You are a pathetic clown” *.
That’s my Mama!
They got along very well because they never spoke to each other. That worked out for everyone.
I feel like getting both sets of parents together in one room is more common now than it was 20 years ago, but I don’t know if that’s really true, or just my family is antisocial and large. It’s hard enough to coordinate lots of kids and spouses, let alone spouse’s parents!
They’ve gotten along ok. My dad and my husband’s dad have both died so it’s just the moms now. We are all together quite frequently for birthdays and holidays. My MIL is an odball that drives me crazy. My mom agrees and just humors her. More than I can do!
My parents and my in-laws got along just fine. They were always cordial and seemed genuinely happy to see each. Major holidays were separate. Most times they were together had to do with my son (birthdays, graduation, etc). Since my father and both of my in-laws have passed, my BIL and SIL have included my mother in all the holidays they host which is very nice. Everyone gets along very well.
My Father died in my youth however my mother got along quite fine with my outlaws. However after my FIL died (15 years ago) my MIL got quite crusty and basically has disowned my wife so we seldom if ever see her. My mom died 4 years ago so there’s only the old bag MIL left.
My mother and my MIL adore each other. They don’t see each other much and are too elderly now to travel, but it was beyond sweet.
They’ve only met at the wedding. They live over 2000 miles apart.
They seemed to like each other just fine. We like them all just fine. I read about other people’s family bullshit and am eternally grateful that we both weren’t born into families that really should have thought twice or thrice about reproduction.
Our moms send each other stuff at Christmas. I think I did have to step in once and squash some escalating “thank you, no thank You, but THANK YOU MORE and here’s another present” spiral.
Exactly like Ruken except 3,000 miles and I’m not intervening in their gift exchanges.
My hardcore Catholic parents and my husband’s hardcore southern Baptist parents got along fine on the few occasions they were together (they lived about 800 miles apart.) During the 36 years of our marriage so far, I doubt they were together half a dozen times.
Even if they’d lived closer, my folks would have invited them to certain family gatherings, but I doubt it would have progressed beyond that. They’re very different people with very different interests. Plus my parents were financially better off than my inlaws, so things they did and places they went were quite different. But they were cordial, which is great.
My MIL and mom used to travel together.
His mother is a textbook narcissist and his other family members are the “flying monkeys” of pop psychology. My parents have never exchanged a cross word with them, but there’s no love lost.
All four are long dead, but my In-Laws got along fine. Mrs. Cretin’s parents were nice people (her mother was a saint); My father was extremely friendly and outgoing, everybody loved him. My mother was a despicable human being who very few people (if any) genuinely liked. All four of them liked each other, with one exception- Mrs. C’s mother admitted she couldn’t stand my mom (like most people) but was gracious and kind enough to hide it.
My parents lived in San Diego and my wife’s parents lived in Philadelphia, so they never met until the day before our wedding. My wife and I never lived closer than 600 miles from each other before we got married. They got along just fine.
One set of in-laws for our daughters lives in our town, and we get along fine, though we’re not close. The other set live in Germany, and we never met them until just before the wedding. When our religious compatibility was established (both atheists) we were fine also. In fact we did better than my son-in-law thought we would.
My parents and Ms. P’s haven’t seen that much of each other. My inlaws visited my parents several years back when they were in the area. Her parents are secular Jewish liberals, while my parents are Southern Baptist liberals. They’ve seemed to get along ok when they’ve been together. Ms. P definitely prefers being around my parents; too bad they live 6 hours away.
My dad died before we were married, my mom and the in-laws got along very nicely. Since we’ve been married both my FIL and mom have passed away.