My Wife and I never do. We just came back from a 3000 mile road trip. Her Dad died. It was very very stressful, but my Wife and I never disagreed on anything. We have been married for 12 years and I can only recall one time when we got a bit pissed at each other (a total misunderstanding).
If it’s important to her, we do it. If it’s important to me, we do it. It’s a simple relationship wherein we always respect each other’s feelings, and the other person comes first.
I’m guessing we have something unusual. Her family (the loud family) argues quite a bit. But they are all happily married.
The Incomparable Sunflower and I have been together since May of 1972. All of the stuff we would argue about have been worked out years ago. We found that yelling at each other got us no where, so we developed better communication skills and used them to resolve disagreements before they got to the argument stage.
Well yeah we argue. We argue a lot. It’s not like throwing plates at each other or grabbing the butcher knife arguing, though. Most of it’s arguing just to be debating. Sometimes we keep raising our voices at each other until one of us bursts out laughing, which kinda ruins the whole effect. Other times we’ll keep arguing until someone can’t come up with a retort, in which case the natural reply is “oh yeah? Well SUCK IT WHORE!”
We’ll probably have to tone it down once kids enter the picture.
We *never *scream at each other, or bicker the way most couples I know do. But we do have minor, ‘agreeable disagreements’ a few times a month where we go back and forth on who is right or what should be done. He starts it. I am really easy-going and don’t care what he does, but I don’t like to be told what to do.
Never argue. But we have found a way to discuss things that seems to take the anger out of it. Say my wife is upset by something I have said or done, she may or may not say something to me, but we never escalate it at that time. What happens is that either I send her and email, or she sends me one. We then hash it out initially on email, then follow it up when we get together and have taken the sting out of the issue.
What we both like about the email is that you can respond when you are not angry. Then you can also "read’ what they actually wrote and what they meant, not what you ‘thought’ they said. And they can’t wriggle out it as it is there in writing and thus you are more careful of what you actually say.
For us we find this de-escalates the argument and when you actually sit down and read what the other persons actual position is, you tend to take it down several notches quickly. YMMV and I can see this wouldn’t work with lots of couples, but with our personalities it works great.
We’ve been together 17 years and still don’t argue. If something bothers one of us, it’s out in the open right away and dealt with. This is in direct opposition to my relationship with my first wife of 21 years, wherein she would sulk for days, and her ultimate riposte was “I don’t want to discuss it.” Ah, well then, let’s just let it fester like a boil and bring it up again in a couple of years, shall we?
The acid test this time around has been spending the past five months in a 200 square foot motor home. By choice.
Together ten years, married for almost seven. We argue two or three times a year- as in, get really upset and tense. I don’t think we’ve ever shouted, and I know we’ve never called names. We’re both pretty good at, “It makes me frustrated when you do such-and-such” instead of, “Why do you always piss me off?!”
What is considered arguing? Shouting, disagreeing and discussing, exchanging emails containing grievances?
My husband and I often disagree and argue it out, but we have never fought-- verbally or physically. Learning how to disagree and to argue respectfully is pretty important in a couple, imo.
Yeah, I need to know what constitutes arguing. We don’t yell or throw things or say mean things, but we’ve been known to disagree and get all tense and upset for a while. It hardly ever happens any more though.
Mig and I are both pretty easy to rile. We argue over the silliest things. Today he was bitching about my driving and it set me off. I try not to overreact. Sometimes I’m able to rein in my anger long enough to see it’s just not that important.
There are times though…like today…I feel like I needed to get even, so I pulled up some random criticism, then we both pouted until we got home.
The good part is we’ve both learned it’s better to hug and make up quickly than carry on an argument over who forgot to put the trash can liner in. So we argue a lot, but generally it’s mild stuff.
We give each other good-natured hell all the time, and we squabble periodically about piffling crap, usually when one or both of us is stressed or cranky about something else. We’ve had a handful of fairly big blowups, most of them squabbles that got blown up by being extra-stressed or by differing methods of dealing with anger. But those are vanishingly rare–maybe five or six in 15 years.
An argument isn’t just contradiction; an argument is a connected series of statements intended to establish a proposition.
My wife and I often have very constructive arguments. Other times we just bicker about trivial things, like my tendency to turn any conversation into an opportunity to use referential humour that only amuses me.
Depends what you mean. We disagree sometimes, or inadvertently hurt each other’s feelings and then hash it out, but we never call names, insult, denigrate, seek to wound emotionally, yell, throw things, etc.
That’s total crap. Couples that never argue might have better ways of communicating that don’t require raised voices and anger and someone needing to be right. It is entirely possible to have a good relationship with arguing, but I’d never tell someone they didn’t have a good one because they didn’t argue.
I think we not all be working with the same definition of “arguing.” I just mean verbal disagreement, not angry fighting. I have minor little squabbles with my wife pretty much on a daily basis, but we hardly ever get into serious fights anymore, and we’ve never had one in 20 years that we didn’t resolve before going to bed.
Guess it depends what is meant by argue. Disagree, most all disagree. Debate the disagreements? Sure.
Argue must be angry so we never have. But we disagree.
Yeah if arguing means disagreeing a bit passionately about something for more than a handful of minutes then we never argue.
We have friends who argue a lot, almost everyday sometimes, it makes for a tense atmosphere when we’re there to watch it, and she calls us “perfect couple” because we never argue. It’s just that when we argue, it lasts two minutes tops. When I get upset about something, I sometime write him an email.
I am really easy-going and don’t care what he does, but I don’t like to be told what to do.