We’ve been married 9 years(ish) and I can remember only one argument. It was over something really stupid, and alcohol might have been involved. We have disagreements, and and we resolve them, but not through arguing.
[quote=“enipla, post:1, topic:513696”]
My Wife and I never do. We just came back from a 3000 mile road trip. Her Dad died. It was very very stressful, but my Wife and I never disagreed on anything. We have been married for 12 years and I can only recall one time when we got a bit pissed at each other (a total misunderstanding).
If it’s important to her, we do it. If it’s important to me, we do it. It’s a simple relationship wherein we always respect each other’s feelings, and the other person comes first.
I’m guessing we have something unusual. Her family (the loud family) argues quite a bit. But they are all happily married.
So, what say you?[/QUOT
First, sincere condolences for the loss of your father in law.
Have to admit the second thing that came to mind was “So, no arguing, ah…guess that means no make-up sex?”:eek:
We argue a few times a year. Again, no yelling, just getting tense. We are two very different people, who come from completely different backgrounds, and different personalities.
Over the years - 12 1/2 now - we’ve come together on a lot of things, and most of our disputes are resolved quickly and with communication.
I agree. And completely disagree with DTC. My wife and I each have our own strengths and weaknesses. Our own likes and dislikes. Some thinks are more important to her. Some things are more important to me. We care enough about each other to recognize this. There is never a reason for us to argue.
Yes, we argue, probably a 6-7 times a year. It’s generally about the same thing and usually caused by stress. We’ve been married 5 years, together 10. I can only think of two occasions where we’ve actually raised our voices to each other. Both times doing so was a complete waste of time - no one listens any better if you’re yelling. All they can hear is that you’re yelling.
We’ve never gotten physical with either other, either - never thrown anything, hit each other, pushed each other, etc. The only thing I can remember doing remotely physical is throwing a towel on the floor in frustration.
Our arguments are somewhere between “a few times a month” and “a few times a year.” I chose the latter, but I suppose Mr. Horseshoe might have chosen the former. But he’s not a Doper, and I am, so … suck it, whore! 
Our arguments are almost always of the snapping-at-nothing variety. One of us will make some bitchy comment, out of frustration with the other or at something completely unrelated, either way, doesn’t matter, and the other will snap back about being snapped at in the first place. Some petty bitchiness ensues.
Again, Mr. Shoe would tell you that I’m always the petty bitch and that he’s a perfect little angel :o but don’t you believe him, any more than you believe a fat cat that’s yowling of “starvation” at dinnertime.
We don’t argue. Before we got married, we were on a long drive with my brother and he asked “Do you guys ever argue?” (he tends to just blurt out questions like that). We didn’t then and we still don’t. Most couples do argue sometimes, so he wondered what our secret was. I answered “It’s because we have the same values about things” and my wife said “Yes, that’s it”, which was pretty telling. We had never thought about the fact that we don’t argue or the reasons why, but when the topic came up we immediately agreed about it.
My maternal grandparents’ preferred form of sex was make-up sex. It made life miserable for two daughters and five grandchildren. If it’s your preferred mode of foreplay, please don’t have children.
Another vote and anecdote for zero arguing over 20+ years. We rarely disagree, and if we do its on nuance points. If so, the more invested person gets their way because the other person defers by choice.
Anger in a long term relationship is for people who haven’t grown up yet.
Gawd yes. Every day. We’re like Archie & Edith Bunker or the Bickersons.
But passionate arguing is frequently followed by passionate lovemaking, so who cares? And despite the frequent bickering, we love each other madly.
This is one of the stupidest things I’ve ever heard. If the only way you can “communicate” with your spouse is through argument, you’re the one not really communicating.
We’ve been together about 15 years (married for 11), and have had disagreements less than 10 times where we both are frustrated that the other is taking a position contrary to ours. Out of those, probably 3-4 of them occurred while we were house hunting a few years ago. We disagreed about where to live and what to buy, and how one of us was not giving enough consideration to the other’s preferences. We never raise our voices at each other. She cries out of frustration on these occasions. They’ve never lasted more than about 30 minutes.
Then we both relax, express ourselves clearly, and typically we discover a compromise that we’re both more happy with than our original position. Then we have sex.
Couldn’t agree more. 
I think there needs to be a definition of “argument” for this thread, because I would definitely classify corkboard’s “disgreements” as arguments. I mean, I would say my husband and I argue occasionally, but it never gets past what **corkboard **and his wife do and I can’t remember it ever escalating to the point that I cried over it.
And, I couldn’t disagree more with this:
It’s perfectly normal and fine to get angry - it’s how you express that anger that’s important.
I think the judgment calls in this thread about how much argument in a relationship is good or normal or healthy are pretty ridiculous. We all seem to be working on different definitions and every couple has a different style of communicating. If it works for the couple and everyone in the relationship is comfortable with the way things are settled, then it’s all good. For me, a relationship that was devoid of heated debate would be weird and would feel very stifled and superficial. I also wouldn’t be comfortable in a relationship where there was a lot of screaming & door slamming. My husband and I are somewhere in the middle, which works for us.
I picked “a few times a year”, but really it’s more like once, maybe twice per year. Early on in our relationship we argued much more often, but in the past several years we’ve learned to ignore the little stuff – since then, we’ve found that nearly all of it was little stuff. It’s probably been a good two years since we really argued.
And as to the “arguing is vital” vs. “arguing is destructive” debate, isn’t it kind of obvious that different things are going to work in different relationships?
I just don’t buy it if anyone says they never disagree with their spouse, never get on each other’s nerves, are always 100% on the same page, etc. Bullshit.
Disagreeing is different from arguing. If we disagree, then that’s that. I don’t really give a shit, and am really too old and crotchety to be fighting with anyone about anything.
That’s why I think we need a definition of “argue.” My definiton pretty much IS just verbal disagreement. It seems like some people don’t think it’s arguing unless it involves screaming and throwing things.
If it goes beyond us stating different opinions, then I call it arguing. The question wasn’t, “Do you ever disagree with your spouse?” because then the answer for everyone is “Of course.” But once it’s been established that you disagree, then what? Do you press it? Do you try to convince the other person of your point of view? I would classify that as arguing. For me, after it’s clear we don’t see things the same way, I’m done with it. You say “tomato,” I say “Yeah, I’m over it.”
You never try to convince your spouse to see it your way? You always just immediately give up?