We argue all the time. ALL THE TIME.
No, it’s not a happy marriage.
I think everyone knows what a “fight” is, so if we substitute “fight” for “argue” it should be clear.
If he says something I don’t agree with, I’ll offer a counter if I feel like it, but once it’s clear that we understand each other’s views entirely, and simply do not agree, I’m done. We don’t agree. Now let’s go to the bar.
But you can’t always just agree to disagree. Sometimes you actually have to make a decision together. Somebody has to win.
Give up? Is that the way you see it? I am not in competition with my wife.
For my Wife and I, we have the same goals. I may have information or ideas that she has not thought about. And visa-versa. It has nothing to do with ‘giving up’. We share the same road. And my Wife and I travel it together.
You never disagree about anything ever?
ETA, no, I don’t see it as a competition, but sometimes disagreements have to be resolved.
I would have to say that we don’t disagree about anything ever. I can’t remember the last time we had a disagreement. If it is important to me, we do it. If it is important to her, we do it.
We got married later in life. At 37 years old. We don’t have any kids. We were very much our own persons when we got married. We don’t even share a checking account. Never have. But, we share the bills.
Oh. One thing we kindof disagree about is some property we own. My wife thinks that we should sell it. I think that it may be best to hang on to it untill we retire. We are both right, IMHO. And we talk about it perhaps once a year.
We talk about it. She knows that the property is important to me. And the value is only going to go up. My Wife believes that the money from it could be put to better use now. That’s the only thing that we sort of disagree about. But we never argue about it.
I guess we’ve never disagreed on anything that serious. Sure, if one of us wanted to move into another place and the other didn’t, we’d have to resolve the issue. We’re either moving, or we’re not. But everything we disagree about is political bullshit, or which country makes the best whisk(e)y. I guess it helps that we have very similar personality types, and don’t have any kids.
I’ve seen my brother and his wife work out a disagreement in less than five minutes. There’s things which are “her” territory, things which are “his” territory: in those, the other part only says anything if they feel real strongly about it, and they usually “win,” simply because the dominant part realizes how strongly they feel by the time they say something about a subject they normally couldn’t care less about (for example, home décor is her territory, but when he pointed out that 4K€ for a minitable for the entrance hallway was nowhere near acceptable she backed up real fast).
For things that are common territory, they get worked out in advance as much as possible (SiL is one of those people who would like to have a by-the-minute plan for the next 20 years); if they come up unexpectedly and they don’t need to get solved yesterday, they get shelved until there’s a time when they can talk about it calmly.
There’s differences between an argument, a disagreement, a negotiation and a debate. I think it’s important to keep them in mind.
I don’t think there’s any difference. It’s just different levels of argument. Working out a disagreement is arguing. Anything that involves an attempt to convince someone to change their mind is argument.
I guess I should say that my Wife and I rarely disagree with each other. It’s really really rare when one of us would want to do something the other doesn’t. Be it a piece or art for the house, or what restaurant to go to. We don’t obsess about anything.
Attempt to convince the other to change their mind? About as far as it goes in this house is “eh, we had pizza last night”. Not what I would call an argument or disagreement.
Part of it is that we are each our own person. We both consider what it takes to make the other safe and happy. But we aren’t joined at the hip.
It may sound boring to some, but it sure is easy.
I’m not trying to lay some holier than thou trip on anyone. My BIL and SIL law argue quite a bit. They are a very happy couple. I just spent a week with them. And that’s what prompted this poll.
Never. Disagree on occasion, and once in a blue moon one of us blows up and there’s a chilly cold-shoulder silence for a day or so. But we see eye-to-eye on most things, and little petty things I just let slide. Bigger things, like I-don’t-wanna-go-to-so-and-so’s - I ask. the answer is no. I don’t argue and either don’t go or go with someone else or go alone. If anyone asks where Mr. Sali is , I’ll say ‘home’, and if they ask why isn’t he here, I’ll say, 'I don’t know, why don’t you call him and ask?" Mr. Sali and I came from rather dysfunctional homes, we each are all we have, and so why stir up the waters? Over petty stuff. Big stuff, we will discuss and work something out.
I don’t get loud arguing, throwing dishes, screaming and crying and drama. I remember neighbors carrying on, blah blah blah at the top of their lungs. for the Great makeup sex? DIE, ASSHOLES JUST STFU! The neighborhood hated them like stink from a sulphur factory. It must be hell on earth living like that, bumping uglies when its over notwithstanding.
Okay, you can delete my “a few times a year” from the poll. If this doesn’t count as an argument, I don’t know what you all mean by argue. Certainly nothing I’ve ever witnessed grown people do except on tv. When I say my husband and I argue a few times a year (probably closer to once a year), I certainly don’t mean “loud arguing, throwing dishes, screaming and crying and drama.” I mean that we disagree, sometimes speak in heated but not screaming tones, and have it all settled (without names, crying, or dishes breaking) within the day.
The poll itself gives me hope: it seems it is possible not to have to argue with your spouse. I’ve always heard that it was inevitable.
As for Dio’s assertion: I think you are incorrect that trying to convert someone to your opinion means you are arguing with them. Heck, we have a forum devoted to that sort of thing: Great Debates. Of course, it often devolves into arguing, but it’s not the same thing. Arguing requires some sort of passion, something besides using logic to discuss who has the best idea.
Like right now, people are trying to convince you that your first statement was incorrect. But we aren’t arguing with you–we’re just stating our opinions, hoping you’ll agree.
I can’t believe there are people who can’t differentiate between a disagreement and an argument.
This is a disagrement:
*“I think more people would be helped by the Public Option.”
“I think in the long run it’s a bad idea.”
“Ok, let’s go through it point-by-point, and see if we can reach an agreement.”
*
This is an argument:
*“I think more people would be helped by the Public Option.”
“You mean like your mother, who belongs in the nut house?”
“Yeah, alongside your hypochondriac brother, who never worked a day in his life.”
“He used to have a six-figure income.”
“I’m not counting embezzlement.”
*
Maybe this is where we are seeing things differently; I don’t see my disagreements with my husband as trying to convince him of anything; he’s a grown man, and he has every right to have his opinions and ideas, just like I do. When we don’t agree on something that affects both of us, we try to figure out something that will work for both of us. I also don’t think that any attempt to change your spouse’s mind is an argument; if I tell Jim things that he didn’t know before that might affect how he feels about something, I can certainly do so without arguing with him.
My brother thought the same way. He married a woman with whom he fought constantly. When they inevitably divorced, I asked him why he married her if they always fought. He said that he thought that that was just how it was and that everyone fought like that. It was especially odd because our parents never fought. He’s not even sure how he formed the impression that couples always fought.
Every couple I know argues on some level several times a week. I’m getting the impression that some people in this thread read the word “argue”, and interpreted it as “gigantic fight”.
That’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever read. Why in the world would you consider an argument to be deliberate mean-spirited shit flinging?
Not my Wife and I. Honestly, we rarely disagree. And we never have someting that I would call and arguement (well, maybe once about 12 years ago). Gigantic fight? Never.