Do you believe there's such a thing as a "bad seed"?

In My Humble Opinion
21

I often wonder about the facade people have. Our family was pretty big on appearances, so much so that once when we went to family therapy, the therapist asked if everything was so great, why were we there. I also remember catching hell for talking about things to the therapist. That being said, I am far different from my other family members. Everyone else looks healthy, and I’m the one that is sick.

I know what happened behind the doors at my house, even though it isn’t acceptable to talk about it. I often wonder if some of those folks out there aren’t just more of what I was. A canary in a coal mine.

22

I’ve known one for several decades - my younger brother. He’s smart, glib and has some sort of magnetism that women always fall for. He’s also a pathological liar and has been since he could talk. I separated myself from him early even if I couldn’t have told you why. Now I know it was simple self-preservation but it still upsets my mom that “…you just don’t get along with your brother.” Her dementia makes this a very long and circular discussion these days. I have almost no tolerance for whiney women so I tend to get all ‘truthy’ on her and that doesn’t help.

He’s never been in court for any crime, but there are a string of strange occurances that surround him and since no one ever gets the same story about anything from him we have no idea what he’s done. Until now. Seems he’s stolen over a quarter million dollars from my mom. I figured he was going to bleed her dry and put her in a county home so I went to court to get a guardian for her. It was a painful process for all of us but now I know she’s safe and can live out her days in relative comfort.

As to the OP, I’ve been spending more time with the relatives and now I am hearing a lot of things about my brother from family. My mom always felt reponsible for my brother’s dyslexia and has been an enabler. Most of them had an idea how bad he was going to be but my mom’s enabling cancelled out their warnings. On the flip side I find out that they have all felt sorry for me the whole time. I had no idea I was the object of pity! At first I was horrifyed and embarassed, then I began to feel very good about myself for knowing it was a toxic situation and I was right to leave.

It’s been a rough year…and anyone with one of these beings in their family has my deepest sympathies.

23

Honestly. I have these friends, 4 siblings, whose mother is a total nutjob. To all appearances they live a perfectly normal middle-class life, but that woman is completely insane.

The kids’ adult activities run the gamut from settling down with the white picket fence, to backpacking around the world for years on end, but all of them are nice and normal folks, no drugs, they all finished school, etc.

Which is 100% due to the KIDS and not to their upbringing. By all rights that crazy woman should have raised at least one nutcase, and if one of them had turned out to be a junkie (or whatever) it would look (to everyone who doesn’t know them as well as I do) like it was a “bad seed” as you describe - a bad kid raised by “normal” parents.

24

Murdering 17 men and boys over a thirteen year period doesn’t qualify you as evil? Just ornery, bad tempered, unkind?

25

He was just misunderstood, surely.

26

I don’t think there is something as a Bad Seed.
I think it is alot of terracotta’s* situation: enabling parents, different parenting/time period, untreated/undiagnosed mental illness(es). Back then you did not discuss mental illness. It reflected horribly on the family.

My late brother #3 was a handful. Not a bad person ( except for the “Never trust a Jew or Nigger.” Yeah, that was fun and he didn’t mean it toward any individual, it was The Group, per se. He’d never say a thing inapprpriate to any person that wasn’t whitebread. but if there was a bad luck to be had it was #3 that found it. He simply lacked common sense (all my brothers were Mensa, which means Nutty, too me.) and then was repeated bailed out of situations by my mother. Over and over and over and over and over again.

Brother #1, whom I only knew through phone calls home for him to constantly ask for money and having my mother write him another check ( and there went my college fun, thanks, Jimmy.) leeched on her too.
Alot of the problem besides the enabling was the fact that my mom refused to say, " Something isn’t quite right with that boy." and take him in for help. Because, you see, mental illness in any form to her generation would be viewed as Something Terrible and Really, Really Bad and the Friends and Neighbors and FAmily would TALK!!!1111!!! Oh NOES!

My, how attitudes and times change, no? Nearly everyone I know is on some kind of drugs and we talk about our issues and the breaking point that lead us to therapy/RX/the road to better mental health. (And those who I know who do not take any meds and think it is all a crock o’shit, are the ones that are the most fucked up and, IMHO, bad seeds because they cannot/refuse to change/evolve and pass on their ignorance to their children.)

Huh.

Just contradicted myself.

Terrorcotta It takes a very strong person to stand up for yourself, perserve your own sanity and happiness and move away from a toxic human being, while others mystifyingly continue to support/help/encourage really awful behavior. It isn’t easy being a pariah of the family, but in the end, you saved your mom and proved them right. Unfortunately, there are no ceremonies or parades for such things, but, on the behalf of others who have walked in your shoes down that weary trail, I present to you: ** The Black Sheep Award.** :smiley:

27

Why, thank you Shirley! That’s remarkably touching.

I’m just reeling from the idea I am the Good Kid now. As good as being proved right feels, I’m still sorry it had to come to this. We’ve all missed a lot of years.