I just saw this listicle and was surprised to find out that I use a couple of these in emails. None of of them seem too passive-aggressive to me, but I suppose it depends on the context. #7, ‘Circling back’, is annoying but not because it’s P-A to me, it’s just stupid biz-speak.
I use ‘will do’ all the time. And if someone seems to be contradicting what they’ve said before, I might say “per our last conversation, you said (A); do you mean you now want (B) instead?” just to clarify.
Do these really sound passive-aggressive to you? Do you use any of these expressions in professional correspondence? I’m hoping I haven’t been coming across as a passive-aggressive jerk online for years now.
That’s basically what makes it passive-aggressive. It’s a nice way of saying “Hey idiot, you told me the complete opposite last time. Make up your mind.” And I say that as someone who uses “per my last email” a lot.
The only one on that list I really disagree with is “will do”. Use that one a lot too, but never in a PA way.
Friendly Reminder is a roundabout way of saying the other guy forgot something. I usually say something like I’m checking to see if you had a chance to review this request.
As Promised and As Discussed I don’t see as passive aggressive, because it’s usually accompanied by me sending something to you that we talked about. Sometimes it’s a bit of CYA, in the sense that I’m copying my boss on the email and it serves both to give you something, and let him know that we talked about this thing I’m giving you.
Thanks in advance is definitely passive aggressive for business communication. It’s fine for a Facebook information request to indicate that you’re not going to come back and thank everyone personally, but not for business.
Another one I used to use a lot until I saw it on a similar list awhile back was the phrase ‘no problem’. What’s the problem with ‘no problem’? Apparently it creates the mere suggestion that the thing asked for could have even been a problem, or something. Seemed silly to me- I think I still use it
Saw that same list and almost started this thread. Thoughts:
there’s nothing wrong with “no problem” or “will do” … the hell?
Friendly Reminder can be annoying, but with some disorganized people it is absolutely unavoidable. The alternatives are to issue a testy reminder, or else to repeatedly state the identical request for the 9th time as if it is being asked for the first time. (Now that’s passive-aggressive.)
“Per our last conversation” is probably irritating, whether or not it’s truly passive-aggressive. This can be avoided by saying something like “when we talked about it on Tuesday, my understanding was that we’d do xyz, not abc. Can you confirm that?”
They left off the one that has me grating my teeth down to nubs: “Kindly reply…” As a co-worker 30 years ago said to me, breaking me of the habit forever, “kindly bite me.”
Also, you very well might be reminding your boss’ boss for the third time that he hasn’t done a task. You can’t be more direct because it will piss him off.
Someone who is doing passive-aggressive behavior, as defined in psychology, might use some of these, but so could anyone else. I mean a passive-aggressive person wants plausible deniability. The whole point is they avoid directly communicating their opposition.
The CNBC article says these came from a study, but link to a blog, which links to another blog, which writes about a twitter thread. And the freelance writer using twitter for inspiration writes she personally things this language is fine. People have just decided that a bunch of polite phrases hide aren’t just insincere, but hide aggression. Which is a bad way to live.
Agreed. All the others can be used passive-aggressively, but I’m not seeing how “will do” is.
That would be an actively aggressive way of saying it. “Per my last email” is a passive-aggressive way of saying it. I think the point is to be aware when you’re using passive-aggressive language, not that you should never use it. There are times when a little aggression is needed.
And it’s very possible to use something like “as we discussed” in a completely non-aggressive way. But again, it’s useful to realize that some people might still interpret it as slightly aggressive, so it’s good to consider if that’s the best way to say it.
I would argue that “I don’t care how other people interpret my words, I’m going to use them to mean what I want them to mean” is a bad way to live. Language changes, connotations and hidden meanings change, and insisting that the changes haven’t happened will always be a losing battle.
A. My statement and yours aren’t mutually exclusive. You can both “assume people have good intentions” and “pay attention to what phrases your co-workers read as a ‘not so secret’ F-U”.
B. Do you think relying on a terribly sourced fluff piece like that linked from the OP is a sensible way of learning how language is changing?
Really? I’ve always used this to convey that “I understand what I’m asking for is an imposition” or that someone’s effort is now and will be appreciated.
Please advise - definitely passive and could be PA in a lot of situations
Noted - Just WTF does this mean exactly? Almost always PA when compared to “Thanks for the information”, “Great catch, I’ll incorporate this new information”, etc.
Friendly Reminder - almost an oxymoron. Definitely PA. Reminders are reminders, neither friendly nor hostile.
Will do - When is this PA? I definitely use this when getting a request from my boss. An immediate acknowledgement is expected and if I can’t do what is asked, some explanation, but if I can, short and sweet is the expected reply.
Thanks in advance - Thanks works (when making a request of a subordinate, always lead with please and end with thanks) but TIA has a hint of PA.
Per our last conversation - A little convoluted, but I routinely use something along this line when sending an email which includes colleagues who weren’t party to some discussion/decision, so as to bring everyone up to speed.
Circling back - no…just no
As per my last email - see 7. Also, if you want to reference the previous email, just make sure it’s part of this email.
As promised - Certainly redundant, but hard to stretch to full PAness.
As discussed - see 6. Certainly a little passive. “As we discussed” get’s it more into an active voice, but if you are bringing someone new into the conversation, this phrase is the opposite of PA.
Thanks for the clarification. Personally, I prefer plain speaking - especially at work. I’m not sure I consider it aggressive - passive or otherwise. And I bet a majority of folk would prefer these “passive aggressive” phrasings over being flatly reminded that they are fucking up.
My suspicion is that a goodly percentage of folk complaining about passive or micro aggressions are attempting to distract from their personal shortcomings. But that is one of a long list of reasons I’m not terribly fit for human company. My dog likes me.
I’m with those who don’t find any of those phrases passive-aggressive. In fact, the author comes across to me as someone mainly interested in virtue-signaling her “wokeness” by instructing us insensitive boors about how we’re using language wrong.
To be fair, some of these are biz-speak that I prefer not to use, but certainly not P-A. At most, “a friendly reminder” comes across as a bit too cutesy and not really friendly at all. Kind of like “No offense, but …” is pretty much a guarantee that you’re about to be offended. If it’s necessary to remind someone of something, I’d prefer to go with a straightforward “Just a reminder that …”.
I agree. It’s perfectly fine. I first heard it a lot many years ago when on vacation in Jamaica, and it seemed reflective of the easygoing, laid-back culture. It may well have originated from there. It’s just a friendly and casual way of acknowledging a request. It’s usually much preferable to the more formal “of course” which sounds like something a butler would say. Or worse, “my pleasure”, which manages to be simultaneously both obsequious and insincere.
