…or something?
I can’t seem to take people at their word anymore. Their praises feel fake, everytime if I ask ‘are you fine with me coming?’ I always feel that they are just humoring me. You know, the whole ‘when I’m not looking, the whole universe is actually laughing at my back’ kind of thing?
I get that feeling in general sometimes, but not from every specific individual. (In fact, I tend to go too far in the opposite direction, almost always taking people at their literal word (which does lead to a certain gullibility, I admit.)) And I always discard the feeling as paranoid/overactive imagination, or at least I try to and make sure not to make decisions based on it (concluding that a few certain people are being fake is a different matter).
I find it is tied to low self-esteem, since you’re pretty much assuming that you are unworthy of any praise and no one would want to spend time with you except out of politeness or pity. You might give that some thought.
Another thought: if you project a feeling that no one should want your company, it might wind up being true just because of the low self-esteem/desperation thing coming out in what you say and do (if you always ask in a skeptical tone of voice if they *really *want you to come, for instance). Behave as though you believe you are just as good as everyone else, and that should eliminate it as a possibility.
Totally, always have.
It’s gotten better as I got older/more confident, though.
Everyone? No. Some people, yes.
Even those people I’m reasonably sure don’t really hate me – hate is a very powerful emotion, and I don’t think I loom large enough in their minds to inspire hatred.
More realistically, there are some people who probably think I’m a waste of air and space.
The GM of the first place I ever worked called me into his office one day and told me that I was a bitch and that everyone who worked there hated me. I didn’t quite believe him (I’m sure there were quite a few people there who didn’t hate me, or at least didn’t have any opinion of me) but I did quit a couple weeks later, and when I came to get my last check he asked me why, all innocent and stuff. Whatever.
Sounds exactly like Michael’s “fake firing” of the new secretary on The Office. Except it happened to you for real - bizarre.
To the OP - I don’t feel like everyone hates me, but I know some people really do hate me.
This screams “onset of clinical depression” to me, especially if it’s more than an occasional feeling. But I’m not qualified to diagnose such a thing, so please humor me, and tell this to a doctor.
Yah, I am seeing a doctor. Sorry for being the emo-kid around, but I need a hug and some warm chocolate.
Maybe ‘hated’ is too strong, but that what I’ve said to myself. ‘My presence is tolerated but never welcomed’ is another line that is somehow branded into me. My brain cells must be forming that sentence and doing line dancing somehow.
The doc always snap me out from it; but when petty things happen, I never got invited out (like “Hey, friend A, B and C went down that eating place X and it sucks, don’t go there”, and I go wondering - I know A and B and C, why wasn’t I invited or told about it?)
I suspect this is a fairly common feeling. We all have an ‘invisible audience’, that imaginary group of people that exist in the world simply to criticize and judge our existence. When in actual fact, most of the world is far too self-absorbed to pay that much attention to you.
In fact, chances are you’re pretty self-absorbed as well. Can you remember what you wore to work on Friday? Okay, now describe everything that your co-workers wore on Friday.
Sure, quite frequently. The best thing to do is combat it with concrete reasons why it’s not true. ‘‘X probably doesn’t hate me because she invited me to go to the movies. Y probably doesn’t hate me because she laughed at my joke.’’ Logic goes a long way toward combating irrational thinking.
Do I feel or think it? I KNOW it! nothing new, it’s always been that way - as long as Mr. S doesn’t decide to turn me in for that mail order bride he’s always threatening to send away for, I’m good with it.
I don’t think people hate me. But I do often walk in public and think people who see me start to think bad things about me.
Well, not ‘hate’, but more like ‘unimportant’. There is this circle of people whom you know and they know you, and had went out as a group before and one day they all decide to go out to have dinner at a posh place and they didn’t inform you. Mmm…mmm…the best I can do is ‘not enough data to make a conclusion’.
CrazyChop, what you’re describing is just like what my husband describes feeling. He goes through especially bad phases of it, which he calls “getting a case of the nobody-likes-mes”, that last days or weeks. The rest of the time, he’s not *convinced *everyone dislikes him (or pities him or just tolerates him or is hugely bored by him), but I think he always suspects it – even of his dear friends, and, I think, of me. It’s lousy that he feels it at all, but sometimes it’s bad enough that he sabotages himself (e.g., My grad adviser hates me so I will avoid him even though we’re almost through writing a very promising paper together that would help both our careers), and that’s the point at which shrinks seem to diagnose it as clinical social anxiety. Various doctors have given him various meds for it, but the meds that worked at all had intolerable side effects, and the ones with livable side effects didn’t help much.
It doesn’t seem to matter that objectively, he is handsome, fit, kind, funny, smart, generous, interesting, principled, and in most ways you’d want to describe, a fantastic human being. I think on some level he may even know this; I’m not sure. I do know he knows the “nobody likes mes” are pathological – it’s just… well, you know, that old saw, just because I’m paranoid doesn’t mean they’re not out to get me.
I would personally, if necessary, do the surgery to cut this thing out of his brain if I thought it were possible. Since it doesn’t appear to be possible, we go to counseling.
Not sure how helpful this rambling will be to you, CrazyChop, but you’re definitely not the only one who feels that way.
When I get my period I get like that. I develop a huge case of paranoia and work myself up into a tizzy thinking that my boss is going to fire me, my boyfriend is going to leave me, and that my cats are going to find a way to run away and never come back because they hate me. It lasts for about 3 days and I do not allow myself to make any decisions during those three days, otherwise I will quit so as to avoid being fired or something stupid like that.
I never feel like people hate me, and often miss the subtle clues that they do. I believe most (all) people who spend any serious amount of time with me, like coworkers and bosses and friends and family, all have a pretty high opinion of me. I could be delusional I guess, but I haven’t felt like people are laughing behind my back since middle school.
I get a more localized version of that from time to time. Mostly it involves potential romantic interests instead of just “everyone”.
I had it quite a bit worse when I was younger, much closer to what you describe. Needless to say, I was a very unhappy child.
Also, I know for a fact that there are certain people who hate me and wish me dead, but I don’t count them among this, since there’s no suspicion about it. They’ve outright stated it.
Someone expressed his dislike of me here on the Dope with such venom that I could practically see his spittle erupting from my computer screen.
{{hug}} and a cuppa chocolate. Have a cookie too.
Everybody goes through this a little bit. A friend of mine calls it “eating worms”; from the children’s song Nobody likes me.
Sometimes your friends are just careless. If you start seeing it as a malicious intent to make sure you never have fun, then it’s time to get new friends. Also, make sure you do the inviting occasionally. I have a friend who I’m about to stop inviting anywhere because he never suggests anything himself, he’s just a social leech.
I had it for a while simply because one of my friends is simply built diffirently than I am-he is a private person whereas I am very outgoing and curious. Made for some arguments (didn’t help we’re roommates). I’m over it.
Now women-they don’t hate me. They just don’t notice me, which can lead to a bad road if I think about it. But I think most people I know at least don’t think negatively.