I’m fairly clumsy so I suppose that has something to do with it - maybe. But it seems that the trajectory of any object I drop follows, with an unsettling frequency, the worst and most inconvenient vector possible. Sometimes I’m convinced that they consider the laws of motion completely optional.
Of course this is likely just my imagination combined with selective memory - or at least that’s what “they” keep telling me. But how do I know that “they” aren’t in on it?
The orderly says it’s time for my meds, but I’m sure some of you will be bold enough to admit that it’s not *always *your imagination.
I do. I put things down on what seem to be flat surfaces, turn my back, and they slide to the floor. Constantly. I suck at putting things down, apparently.
Yep! “Inanimate” my eye! For instance, I find it almost impossible to shake only one pill from a pill bottle. They always pop out in pairs, at least, and often more. I shake the bottle with the utmost delicacy… Nothing… nothing… nothing… two.
And, yes, dropped items! Drop a screw, and it will bounce directly under the heaviest piece of furniture in the room. Or between a bookshelf and the wall. Or into a shag carpet.
It all started with buttered toast… Once inanimate objects learned they had the power to cause us to feel frustration and angst, they never stopped!
(I’m actually surprised my computer didn’t crash during the co
I understand the longing to explore and see the undersides of furniture. I mean, who doesn’t? What I hate is the obvious malice involved. I’ve tried to “teach them a lesson”, but they just won’t learn. It’s sorta how I ended up here, but we won’t get into that - not just yet anyway.
You all don’t seem to understand the gravity of these situations. Gravity is the evil motivating [del]source[/del]force of much inanimate malice you have observed. You need to eliminate gravity from your homes, workplaces, wherever you spend much time. This will give you a much greater handle on this. Note, this in no way reduces the malice of your inanimate objects, it merely eliminates their capacity for evil. But that’s good enough, mostly.
I exploit the effect to my advantage. Coins roll until they hit something, then they fall over - often this is beside the recessed kickboard of a shop counter or some such. I pick up the money that other people lose.
Coins are among the most deceitful objects I’ve known. Actually, I’d say more passive-aggressive with a side order of deceit. They almost always pretend to follow the rules, but in fact, all they have is contempt, laughing at both gravity and probability.
I’m sure that whatever they do, it’s always to their benefit somehow. Your found coins are a perfect example. They travel to some hidey hole where their “owner” won’t know to look but someone else will. An intricate plan followed by exquisite execution that to all appearances demonstrates complete obedience to the laws of motion.
But we know better. I can’t always tell what goal their behavior advances, but I know that they have one. It’s just not always possible to see behind the perfectly crafted facade to the dark machinations within.
I read a little story once about an Evil Ring that did that . . .
As for Mangetout’s practice of picking up those gravity-addled coins that gravitated away from their past masters . . . I befriended a poor borderline-homeless couple once. They told me they picked up money by going to those self-service car-wash places, with the huge hungus vacuum cleaners, and cleaning out their air filters. They always found coins there, and sometimes even pwnable jewelry.
This happens to me all the time in my kitchen - and I have a tiled floor in there, so anything breakable explodes on contact. I’ve suffered the loss of so many items of crockery that I’m tempted to believe the kitchen is haunted by the vengeful/ playful spirit of my deceased cat.
But she never used to climb around on kitchen surfaces… :dubious:
I’ve checked (using a marble) and the counter tops aren’t wonky. I’ve also put down mats on the floor and falling objects simply bounce off the mat to smash to smithereens elsewhere.
I also have several empty CD, or DVD, boxes. I have no idea where the discs are.
I bought a stapler, lost it, bought a new one, the old one didn’t suddenly reappear.
My shampoo or shower gel bottles regularly fall over (I leave them standing in the floor of the shower)
Towels fall off the towel rail on a regular basis
Whenever I throw something in the bin, it misses. Doesn’t matter if I’m “going for a three pointer”, or standing right next to the bin - whatever is in my hand will land on the floor.
One morning I was woken by a strange noise - strange enough for me to be woken instantly - I opened my eyes to see some flattened filing boxes slithering off the top shelf of my wardrobe onto the floor.
I put up some shelves, all bar two of them have parted company with the wall - one was above my bed and hit me in the face while I was asleep (the walls are solid concrete, and I use that “no nails” or whatever it’s called glue stuff - the shelves are very small and have lightweight items on them).
My handbag never ever stays where I put it, unless I hang it on the hook that I put up for my handbag as I was sick to death of it falling off chairs, falling over on the floor etc etc.
Last Christmas I bought a chocolate cheesecake, was it nomilicious? I have no idea, the bag it was in somersaulted off the back seat and the cheesecake fell out, the box burst open and the back of the car is still manky from it. The car was stationary at the time, I was still taking bags out of the trolley. The bag containing the cheesecake was the only bag I’d put into the car. I’d set it at a 45ish degree angle (leaning back) specifically to stop the bag falling over.
I have lost several items of clothing. I have a washing machine and dryer, and don’t put anything out on the line.
I picked up my prescription at the chemist one day, three days later I couldn’t find the tablets anywhere. I had to go back to the chemist and request a re-supply. The originals have never resurfaced.
The prescription pills I take have somehow gained the ability to become invisible upon touching the bathroom floor. When I happen to drop one, it will have a good laugh watching me search on my hands and knees for several minutes, then become visible again, directly in front of the sink.
Little bastards!
In the past there have been several key items necessary for the maintenance of civilization of my home and body that kept disappearing on me. But I thwarted the nefarious plan of the evil bastards about 20 years ago.
I could NEVER find my scissors, tweezers, or metal nail file, so over a period of a couple of years I laid in a supply of at least a dozen of each object and placed them all over the house. Now, no matter where you are-- bathroom, kitchen, desk, watching TV-- you are never more than three feet away from one of those things. In my bathroom, I have at least three pairs of tweezers and another one on my bedside table. Scissors are everywhere. TV watching location has at least two of each.
Bwaaa-haaa-haaa!! Take THAT yeh fiendish thingies!! (cf. the Beatles’ movie HELP!).
Of course, I still can’t ever find a roll of scotch tape or wrapping paper, no matter how many of those I buy. I prolly need to live in an office supply store.
Yes, but you can outwit them. Many a time I have pretended to throw away an earring because I had only one left, and this isn’t the eighties anymore where I got away with wearing just one earring.
Anyway, after the click of the carbage bin, I say out loud: " That was a shame. Oh well, if that other earring ever shows up, I will have to throw that one out, too."
Within a day after the garbage truck has passed, the other earring shows up, hoping to savour my frustration. Then I say: “gotcha!” and reunite it with its twin.
I have a separate part of my drawer for mismatched socks. After every laundry sorting, I make sock-rolls the Navy way. The socks that don’t have a match go in the single-sock-drawer. Every once in a while I try to make pairs out of the singles; surprisingly often, that doesn’t succeed.
Doper Lightray remarked he was amused that I was running a dating service for socks. And that I was just about as successful as any other dating service.
I fear it may be a little rude to have so many quotes, but I really want to comment on these. After all, part of the purpose of the thread is to share strategies and techniques. I’m especially in need of that.
Yes. I will call this the Sun Tzu approach. Why fight with brute force when you can use their own methods against them. Misdirection –> Sell the deception –> VICTORY!!!
This sounds like a good plan, but I wonder what might happen in the even of a full scale revolt. It’s not likely because I think they need us for something beyond the obvious. Not sure what, but I’ve been working on it.
Ah, yes. Invisibility. I was thinking wormholes or dimensional jumps, but Occam’s Razor says I should favor this explanation. And this is perfectly in line with their modus operandi - stealth, deception, cunning.
I’ve noticed that ceramics seem to be mostly suicidal. I think because of their sized, they can’t flout the rules with the same abandon as smaller objects. I think it’s a little like the vampire code. They don’t care if some of us know. They actually want that since they need people like us to torture and harrow. But they can’t let any actual proof get out. Now that I think about it, it may be less about a tendency toward suicide and more about internal enforcement.
I think misdirection might work here. Say aloud that you want it to land somewhere else and sell it by making that seem like a plausible target. I’m betting it will go in every time. But you must remember to seem frustrated when it does.
Note: I don’t know if they can read everyone’s mind. I think it might just be a few of us whom (who? ) I believe where specifically bred for that purpose (long story). But if it seems that they can anticipate your next move occasionally, then they probably can. BTW, tin foil doesn’t seem to help.
This sounds quite serious. And it happened in such a public place. Very uncharacteristic. I suspect something unrelated was going on and your poor cheese cake was collateral damage. Let’s hope so anyway.
This is the sort of evil we are dealing with. That can’t be emphasized enough. Would you deny your great uncle his nitroglycerin if he were to have chest pains? Of course not. You’re good and moral (apologies if that offends anyone ). But this is part of the game. They don’t really want to kill you outright, but if they’re having fun and that happens . . . oh well. It takes them a while to find your weakness, vulnerabilities, etc. and they don’t really want to start from scratch again. So you are somewhat valuable. But that is valuable as in chattels. Basically, how we would look at an ox or a cow.
Indeed. Good luck!!!
Just want you to know that we really did appreciate the help. Borderline is impossible to treat pharmacologically (more or less) and because of the wild swings, people tend to be put off very quickly.
BTW, sorry about rearranging the rocks in your Zen garden. That was the OCD not me. I had no choice. I hope you’ll understand.
The full ones in particular, if placed in their usual recess high up in the shower, gleefully tumble over onto your feet when you have your eyes closed shampooing your hair. When you hear them start to go, you have only a split second to take evasive action.
Most atrocious inanimate object of all - garden hose. It kinks, it knots, it trips you up, it deliberately drags itself across your delicate plantings, it won’t coil in a logical way, it refuses to join up with other hoses properly so that you get sprayed in the face when you turn the water on…the list is endless. Hose is evil.
) I believe where specifically bred for that purpose (long story). But if it seems that they can anticipate your next move occasionally, then they probably can. BTW, tin foil doesn’t seem to help.
). But this is part of the game. They don’t really want to kill you outright, but if they’re having fun and that happens . . . oh well. It takes them a while to find your weakness, vulnerabilities, etc. and they don’t really want to start from scratch again. So you are somewhat valuable. But that is valuable as in chattels. Basically, how we would look at an ox or a cow.