Grudge is the foundation for a piss-poor establishment of human interaction.
Yep. I’m the King of them. Hence, my lot.
I do hold grudges, not so much against people because usually I end up feeling sorry for them for being messed up, but I definitely hold them against companies, sometimes for having idiots as managers, sometimes for the way they treat customers. Why are there still people foolish enough to get a mortgage with Wells Fargo for instance? I won’t grace their doorway.
I don’t anymore. If someone infuriates me I simply remember that tomorrow is a new day, and whatever the reason was will either be forgotten or irrelevant so there’s no reason to let it eat away at me.
The closest I come to a grudge anymore is my stepfather. He quite literally despises me, but in spite of all that he’s done to me I don’t hold it against him anymore. He’s a jerk, and I am as pleasant to him as I can be whenever I see him, which is consciously kept to rare occasions. I think that makes him more mad than anything else, that I don’t feed his hatred.
I don’t forget what he’s done, but I’m willing to let it go. He won’t, and so there it remains.
There’s a saying that I occasionally see pop up that perfectly encapsulates my thoughts on the matter: don’t let someone live rent-free in your head. What’s done is done, concern yourself with the future. The past can’t be undone, and being mad about it only serves to poison that future. If you can’t or won’t do that simply avoid associating yourself with that person in the future.
Yeah - I wonder about the definition of “grudge.” Our neighbors - for example - acted exceptionally unreasonably a couple of times. So we just never put ourselves in such a position again, and should anything arise, we expect them to act unreasonably. Is that a grudge - or sensible protection.
Or someone who has acted in ways I disfavored in the past. I will not make any effort to interact with them. But if situations throw us together, I won’t do anything affirmatively hostile. Instead, I’ll interact the minimum necessary - and avoid/ignore them to the extent possible.
So yeah, I guess that sounds like a grudge. I sorta consider it self protection - not only to protect myself from further unpleasantness, but also to protect myself from saying/doing something that will make me appear unreasonable to someone not familiar w/ the entire backstory. In my mind, it isn’t so much holding a grudge as acknowledging that I previously determined this person was not worth my effort/did not add to my life.
There is literally nothing I do better than holding a grudge. I can hold a grudge that will blister paint.
It’s probably unhealthy and hurts me more than anyone, but it seems to be in my DNA.
Like a dwarf.
Life’s too short. It took me along time to learn that. But while I forgive, I try not to forget. It does take me some time to process - I’ve had sleepless nights because of it.
Eidetic memory here. You mess with me and I will never forgive or forget.
I’m the type of person that will tell you to “fuck off” then five minutes later ask if you’d like to go grab a beer.
This caused problem in my last relationship. Lol
After reading some of these responses, I think the reason I’m holding a grudge against my co-worker is because I have to see her every day. There’s no chance to “forget” so there’s no “forgive” possible. I’ve had people treat me badly in the past and pissed me off for a time but I don’t know them anymore so have let it go. I am constantly reminded of what a horrible person she is. And, to work peaceably together, I have to pretend she isn’t.
No grudge-holding, but I also don’t just throw the doors open again. I don’t wish anyone any particular ill-will, but they can’t just come back into my life either.
This. I don’t hold grudges because it’s not worth the effort. But if I have reason to be wary of someone, that doesn’t easily go away.
If remembering past wrongdoings and avoiding them/it in the future is holding a grudge, then yes I do learn from the past and avoid negatives.
Jesus, aurora, I don’t blame you one bit. Considering how toxic and sticky a false accusation of racism can be, you can’t help holding a grudge. People have lost careers over stuff like that.
As for myself, yeah, I have those that I ruminate darkly about. But that’s all it is, useless rumination. I don’t bother others about it. I don’t daydream about revenge. I just stay away.
I think most people have a grudge or two. You must be a hermit or a saint if you don’t.
No.
Life’s too short.
I hold a grudge against two entities, for the same incident.
In 2014 my father, on his motorcycle, was hit and killed by an inattentive driver. He’d taken his eyes off the road to put in a CD in his truck. So I hold a grudge there, because of his carelessness.
I also hold a grudge against the DA’s office, who didn’t prosecute the guy for any crime.
They were upset that you were taking their baby away, I’ll bet.
I hold them, I pet them, I comfort them when they are lonely.
A few. Good standout example is a landlord from years ago. In my state, they have 30 days to refund your deposit. The late Other Shoe and I needed that money back. We’d transferred our utilities to the new home already so I scrubbed and mopped and wiped and scrubbed some more, with no lights or A/C in Texas August heat.
During that 30 day window, that mo-fo declared bankruptcy. Which means we got in line with all the other creditors to whom he owed money. In the end, we got zilch and I heartily wished that instead of all that scrubbing, I’d done … something … with the feces we accumulated by having 3 ferrets and 2 Maine Coon cats at the time. (That’s a lotta poop.)
Bigger grudge is the incompetent cunt of a manager who - among her many other sins - changed my status from salaried to hourly while I was out on FMLA taking care of The Other Shoe, setting off a chain of other ass-fuckery. To be honest, much of my anger at her probably is due to associating her with that horrible, hellish, nightmare time … but still. It was the worst time in my life, and she used that moment to fuck me over.
She and that landlord can starve together in the box that GOsp3l mentioned. Pass me the pie, I hate pumpkin too.
Never forgive, never forget.
It took my Mom getting sick (nearly dying) to get me to reconcile with my siblings after 20+ years and while our numerous heart to heart talks about what caused me to break from them, brought me to not feel anger anymore, I don’t feel any type of love for them either. I’ve made it clear that when they die (I’m the youngest), I won’t attend their funeral.
We’re coming up on our third annual dinner in remembrance of my parents, but I’m thinking of calling it off after this. The way I look at it, we’ve said everything that’s needed to be said and I really don’t care about what’s going on in their lives now.