I had one very long term relationship. We never married but we might as well have been. We broke up fifteen years ago, and now, I have no idea where she is or what she’s doing. If by chance we somehow met up, it might be interesting to do a little catching up over a cup of coffee. But otherwise, my curiousity isn’t enough to make me look for her. I’m now very happily married, and have more important things to do.
Still, I wish her well and hope she was able to achieve her dreams. We had many differences, but that’s all; there was no hate or malice. She wasn’t a bad person at all, and I hope she was eventually able to find someone more suited to her than I was.
Well, if there are common kids involved, then it is almost necessary for the sake of said children to keep in touch to talk about them.
If there are no children or anything else keeping you together, then I don’t understand the point of staying in touch. There was a reason the two of you had to part, and while I wish no ill-will on any of my ex’s, talking to them just to “catch up” or whatever would serve no other purpose but to stir up those feelings which have/should have long since passed.
Especially if you are drunk or upset, then you might get a crazy idea that you should have stayed with said ex, and it keeps you from moving forward to be with someone that you can have a lasting relationship with…
For me, at least, it’s too risky. I don’t have a switch in my brain that says “love interest” then “friend” and can toggle it back and forth at will.
If I was attracted to a person and had strong feelings toward her before, then barring a full frontal lobe transplant, I would still upon seeing her again.
And that would do nothing except screw up any current or future relationship I may have.
Again, maybe it’s just me, but I have had friends and lovers, and no experience in making a backwards transition…
Two of my exes were at my wedding. The first I dated for about a year in and after college. Our break up was so amicable that we got a 2 bedroom apartment and continued living together as platonic friends for another 2 years, believe it or not. Seriously, we never touched each other again after we broke up. In fact, I set him up with the woman who is now his wife and the mother of his children. We’ve been buddies for 15 years now, and I considering him a good friend and a great person.
I’m also still friends with the guy who was my most serious relationship, and the last person I lived with before my husband, 10 years ago. We have a ton of mutual friends and travel in the same social circles. After we broke up, we didn’t hang out for about a year, got over each other, and now we’re great friends. I’m also friends with his GF of 5 years and hang out with her even without him.
Why do I stay in contact with these 2 exes? Because we broke up due to lack of romantic chemistry, not because we don’t like each other as people. There is zero risk of me hooking up with either of them again, simply because I already know how it would be between us and it doesn’t work. There’s no tension, no mystery, no attraction at all. But I do like them as people and think they’re good guys, so why not be friends? It’d be throwing out the baby with the bathwater to trash everything in the relationship if some good things could be saved.
Oddly, my husband was once one of the two exes I always kept in touch with.
Now there’s just one, but he and I were high-school and early college exes and have been friends for years. I don’t see him in person very often but we talk online quite a bit.
Generally speaking, yes. The exceptions are the other person’s preference, not mine. I don’t get intimately involved with people who aren’t also good friend material, and that tends to endure over time.
I like googling people I used to know. It feels like looking at old photo albums. So if you’re an old friend of mine, not to mention an ex, chances are I’ve looked you up.
So, yes, I’ve kept track of my exes, in a search-engine kind of way. Of the two longer-term partners in my past, one is married and teaching in New York and the other is unmarried and studying in Pittsburgh. That’s all I know, though; there wouldn’t be any reason to get back in touch.
Ex-fiance: We run into each other every few years when visiting our respective parents. He has graduated med school, gone on to be a doctor and has been with the same partner for the last 15 years.
LTR of 2 years: Lost track of him for about 10 years, then was told by a mutual acquaintence that he had been killed in an industrial accident. Even though it didn’t work out for us, I would never have wished that for him.
LTR of 9 years: Yeah, we might as well have been married. We are in touch on a continual basis. I helped him raise his kids and his grandkids call me Mimi. He is also one of my best friends.
I have only one serious ex. I kept in contact with him for a few months after the breakup, then for a couple of years saw him occasionally at parties. The last time I saw him was my final goodbye party before moving 1400 miles away.
Through friends, I’ve heard that he suffered lots of personal issues, had a minor breakdown and was arrested, jailed, went before a judge and went to counseling. He’s shut himself off from what few mutual friends we had, so I never hear anything about him anymore. I’ve stopped asking.
I think about him every now and then, but I have no plans to ever contact him.