So, wait for The Sideways Wiener of Fate™ to save you?
(post shortened)
You DA MAN!
Personally, I would use my hands and feet in a swimming motion. I suppose there are some who could mount a yardarm to the ol’ yardarm, raise a headsail, and cruise home in style.
(just kidding 
I apologize in advance to anyone I may have offended.)
Native Floridian. I’ve been caught in rip tides a few times. Just go with the flow, it’ll let you loose eventually. Try to swim parallel to shore, but don’t exhaust yourself.
I’ve found that floating on my back while it “pulls” you out uses less energy than trying to “swim” with the current. YMMV.
Also, if you get caught in one, it’s really great if you happen to have your surfboard or boogie board with you. That extra bit of buoyancy is nice.
I do!
I’m not even certain that I have kids.
(I don’t.)
[To the best of my knowledge.]
<And prayers.>