I’ve heard/read a million times how you’re supposed to love yourself, especially before anyone else can love you. But I’ve honestly never understood it.
It’s not the same as falling “head over heels” in love with someone, right? Being “ga ga?”
It’s not lusting after oneself, surely.
I’ve heard love described as caring about somebody else’s well being as much as one’s own. Is this closer to the answer? Is it the same as self esteem?
Is there a thin line between loving yourself and being narcissistic/self-centered?
I consider myself a self-lover, so lemme answer some of your questions.
It ain’t lust or the sorta romantic love you may feel for another.
It’s kinda like when you’ve finished taking a shower, and yer standing in front of the mirror, nude. And you look at yerself, flex your muscles for a bit, stare at your own face, and can say, “damn, I like what I see!” honestly in a non-joking, non-sarcastic manner.
I think ‘self love’ is an overused trite phrase that doesn’t mean much but sounds good.
I accept myself as I am. I’m aware of my flaws and try to make them better. I’m aware of my strengths and I try to maintain them. Does this mean I ‘love’ myself? I don’t think so. I’d say trying to improve yourself without beating yourself up over your mistakes are more important then loving yourself.
Oh, I love me, I love me,
I’m wild about sweet me
I love me, only me,
so I’m content you see,
I like myself with such delight
I take me right straight home each night
And sleep with me till broad day light
I’m wild about myself.
I love me, I love me,
I’m wild about myself
I love me, I love me,
my picture’s on my shelf.
You may not think I look so good,
but me thinks I’m divine
It’s grand when I look in my eyes
and know I’m mine, all mine!
I love me, I love me,
and my love doesn’t bore
Day by day in every way
I love me more and more.
I take me to a quiet place
I put my arm around my waist…
If me gets fresh I slap my face!
I’m wild about myself.
Yes, I feel self-love
It’s really not hard to do
With some well-placed lube
But seriously folks… why is it so often the best, brightest, most loyal, witty folks, suffer from deep self-loathing? People I personally find worthy of love, but they can’t love themselves. It seems like an epidemic among thinking folk; I like to call it Hamlet Complex, but I don’t want to make too much light of it because it really informs everything you do, when deep down you’re not sure if you love yourself, or if you’re even worthy of love.
Does this come from upbringing? Is it a possible side effect of too much self-reflection? Though I know plenty of self-haters who avoid self-reflection for that very reason… ah, I’m babbling now, but I think the OP poses an interesting question that I myself cannot answer.
That fucking cliche and mantra “You gotta Love yourself, before you can Love someone else.” is just so much crap. Usually that’s heard in circles of commiserating thirty something single women. I don’t feel particularly happy about myself, I have some things that need addressing, but it sure doesn’t stop me from experiencing and giving Love freely and generously. As a matter of a fact, Love for and of another is really about the only thing that makes me Love myself more.
You have to be able to realize you’re flawed and accept it without pain, guilt, fear, loathing…
“Self-love” is usually considered a term for palm and lube action but I use “flyin’ solo” as my masturbation slang (I’m a girl).
To answer your question, Ruby, I was raised in a low self-esteem kind of household; never good enough, I was female, I wasn’t wanted. This is pain I cannot get rid of no matter what I try to do. I can’t really believe I have self worth when this father figure didn’t want me to begin with. Shit… TMI sorry. It has affected my love life and social life terribly but I struggle onward. I try not to complain. Spider will stop now.
The whole problem comes from this crazy social consciousness of what Love is. Everybody’s looking for all the appropriate virtues and descriptors in their Love. Agape and Eros, Mature and immature, etc. That’s just not the point! Love is uncontrollable and will go everywhere in millions of guises. You will feel loved and feel Love for another, regardless of how fucked up you are and your degree of self-loathing.
I think the “You gotta love yourself…” thing is an excuse that ex-girlfriends and therapists will use to parlay guilt and blame back onto you…make you chase your tail for countless hours and search for your weaknesses.
Loving yourself means putting yourself first. Your own opinion and considerations of your own well-being always have to have prevalence. You have to be convinced that YOU are the measuring stick for the rest of humankind.
I tend to look on it as a matter of “Do I feel comfortable with myself?” If I am, I tend to go all out to make others feel okay and comfortable around me. If I’m feeling a lot of low self-esteem, those pesky inner demons tagging up negative slogans across my wall – I can’t relate to people as well as I should.
To me, it’s “Do I like myself?” The answer I look for, and I do find from time to time, is “Yes.”
Ok, if that’s the case, Then how do you explain this? I have felt enough Love for certain beloved others in my life that if I were in a situation where my only choice was death in order for my beloved to live, I would happily choose death. Is the self Love you describe more virtuous?
I think that was Heinlein’s tack in Stranger In A Strange Land. And yes, I think self esteem plays a big part of “self-love”.
Though I wouldn’t call it a romantic love. It’s more like how you feel about a lifelong close friend. Do you like yourself? Would you hang out with yourself if you were somebody else? I think self-love is accepting (and recognizing) your faults and strengths, and not giving (much) weight to other people’s opinions of you.
Loving myself means i know i’m not perfect but i am more than happy with myself. Well, I’m actually pretty close to being perfect really:D
Pretty much what Wolfie said. Do I like Me…yes. Is there anything that i hate about myself…no. I do not feel compelled to change myself in any way and am more than happy with my life and the decisions i have made.
Basically i wake up smiling everyday
I’ve always absolutely HATED myself ever since I can remember. I guess it’s a lack of self-esteem, but also thanks to a long-term partner that I had for almost 15 years, who never said a nice thing about me, or to me, has had its long-term effects on how I perceive myself.
I must admit though, FINALLY at my ripe-old age, I AM starting to feel that maybe I’m not so bad, after all. That is all thanks to the Love of my Life reinforcing my positives. Some days, even if just for a fleeting minute or two, there are moments when I am actually starting to think “Hey, I guess I don’t look too bad, after all”
My current partner used to make me stand in front of the mirror and say to me… “Look at yourself, THAT is what I see and that is what I love. You need to love yourself in the same way”… At first I used to stand in front of that mirror and cry and wish I was nowhere near that mirror… but over time, I am starting to accept myself and think that maybe I’m not THAT bad after all.