Do you remember miniest rants of September?

Dear husband, I know you want to make me happy by suggesting a bigger zero turn lawnmower, but I don’t need it or want it. I’ve got the little one for the yards, and the tractor and bushhog for the pastures. I don’t want anything else to maintain, or pay for for that matter.

Howzabout we pay off some bills, eh?

Thanks for starting this, good title too…
My rant? Apparently, I have no sense of what the date is. I would’ve kept posting to the August thread.

And every single month I’m surprised by this. I’m so good at directions and measurements, just not time.
September already? Does that mean summer’s over? NO! Not as long as I can eat brunch outside even here in the tundra! (avocado/salmon benedict, yum)

I am not ready for the next “family reunion” on my Dad’s side to occur, given the high likelihood that a funeral would be involved.

One of Dad’s cousins had a heart attack this week, and while I’m not clear on the details, he’s not dead yet, but things aren’t looking good. (I should clarify-- I’m not sure death is imminent, or even likely, but it does sound like the road to recovery may be rocky and “recovery” may be relative).

I’m a little upset because I like this cousin-- actually, I think I like all of Dad’s cousins, but I know this one a little better than the rest. And I’m a little upset because I’m afraid that if one cousin dies, the rest will all start dropping like flies. (For the record, Dad is early 70s and in good health. This cousin is similar in age (don’t know exactly how old), but was probably in worse health before the heart attack.)

Dear fivethirtyeight and politico and other sites that use facebook for comments: Please find another way. You’re just providing a spam vehicle for all of the online money making scammers and who wants to wade through all of those???

To Facebook, and to every site everywhere that has an association with Facebook (“register or log in with Facebook”, etc.): Fuck you. Fuck you with a wire brush. I have never done Facebook, I do not use the fucking thing now, and I never will in any conceivable future in this world or any other. So just fuck right off.

I am DONE with Alvas Fucking Powell. We need to trade his ass yesterday, especially now that Villafaña’s back. Go on, you derp fake Childish Gambino motherfucker. Shoo. Go play for some shitty Eastern Conference team.


Rant~~awake, nothing to do. But… Easy Rider is on TCM. Cool.

Yesterday we took my gf’s brother and his gf out for a day of pontooning on the river. Lovely day except for the weirdness when bro’s gf wanted to swim, but didn’t wear a suit like everyone else. Skinny-dipping was a little awkward, especially for the captain (me) who stayed aboard the boat and acted as lifeguard.

I served drinks, retrieved empties, handed out noodles, etc, but had to avert my eyes when she needed my ministrations.

But… why? Unless you’re one of those guys who has to be chaperoned by his wife when talking to any woman lest he get grabby (I’m looking at you, Mike Pence) she has shown a trust in you. If she’d had a wardrobe malfunction and was embarrassed, yeah, I’d avert when handing her a towel but if she’s willing, I’m looking.

Londo: Gentlemen, of all things in life, are females not the finest?
G’Kar: On that, Mollari, we can at least agree.

As long as you weren’t leering. She unrobed, she probably understood people would look. Did anyone say anything? Did y’all just pretend it wasn’t happening?

Her boyfriend (my gf’s bro) has lived with her the last ten years, so he’s seen her nekid. My gf totally didn’t care. That left me. I avoided looking, but the whole deal was awkward. Holiday weekend on a busy river; I’m responsible for my boat and guests, but I can’t look in one area. Plus, really, who doesn’t wear a bathing suit going boating on a 90 degree day?

The more I think about it the more ticked off I am at her.

It does seem kinda rude. Next time tell them suits are mandatory. You’re the Captain of your boat. Make rules.

Heh. A young guy came into my business without a shirt. My receptionist told me she wasn’t comfortable. I asked him to leave. He pointed out that I didn’t have a “no shirt, no service sign”.

I told him I never thought I needed that rule posted; indeed he was the first (and last).

I used to display the (commercially available) sign warning passengers that weddings performed by the captain were good for the duration of the voyage only.

If you are a restaurant or caterer and offer online catering service . . . .
. . . . . . Can you make sure it FUCKING works? I can’t tell you how many times over the past year I’ve been burned confirming online deliveries on the phone, only to learn the caterer never received it and suddenly there’s a last minute scramble to put something together to salvage the sale. I even called a few weeks back and was promised on the phone that the order was on the way, and an hour and half later after several phone calls found out it was never received after all and there was a mix up.

These are for lunch time presentations and it’s very embarrassing when the food doesn’t show up on time, even if it’s clearly not my fault and the customer I’m giving the presentation to knows I made a follow up phone call. Don’t offer online ordering until it’s CLEAR you can handle it!
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It’s time for the annual pumpkin spice take over of anything edible… So far I’ve seen Cheerios and Twinkies … there will be more and more…

I just struggled my way to the end of Connie Willis’ “All Clear” - which is about three times as long as it needs to be BTW but I kept on chugging because hey, Connie Willis - and theres a recurring plot point about some Agatha Christie book called “Murder on the Calais Coach”.

Hmm, think I, an alternate name for Murder on the Orient Express! Is this…a clue? A clue that they’re secretly in an alternate timeline, and not in the real past (of WWII ) that we would know and recognise?

No. No, apparently not - it’s a bloody recurring mistake. A CONSTANTLY recurring mistake, in fact. People! If you’re going to set your entire 600 page novel in Britain then get a bloody British proofreader to make sure you’re not dropping a clanger!

(And if she did, then I burning their dog for NOT DOING THEIR JOB PROPERLY)

Pumpkin beers always make me sad; both because they signal the end of summer, and because, well, they’re pumpkin beers.

Everyone is celebrating September! Fall! Crunching leaves! Flannel shirts! PUMPKIN ANYTHING!

Fuck you all. I WANT my 90F days year round now. I don’t mind a little cooler but anything below 50F and I’m go into “dreading snow” mode.

(Gotta love having metabolism issues, you know?)

Fuck this fucking miserable steamy shitty weather. Here comes yet another week of 100+ “real feel” temps. I demand to see the manager!

It’s not a mistake. Connie is not that clueless. She’s read her Christy, she knows how to create a plausible sounding Agatha Christie title that does not in fact exist in our universe.

That’s the point. Time travel also does not exist in our universe. The entire Oxford series is set in a universe that is not our own. Thus, Calais.