It matters much more to me that the individual share my level of education and that we have overlapping/similar values. Everything else is immaterial. I’m about to become a lawyer with a likelihood of a pretty decent income level-that doesn’t mean I won’t date a Ph.d just b/c he makes less money (although some of my girlfriends in school have just those priorities). Also, my parents grew up extremely poor, so just because I grew up upper-middle class doesn’t mean I’m going to judge anyone else for coming from that type of background. I know what I come from!
I had to date outside my social class: I don’t think there were many men alike to me!
Then again, I’ve long been a statistical blip. And the exception that proves the rule.
A person tends to rack up experiences as they cruise along in this life and I’ve dated all kinds and married a younger man who doesn’t make near what I do. Marriage to someone who shares many of your thoughts and opinions is important, but when you’re young, those thoughts and opinions are largely shaped by your social and economic class. My thoughts and opinions are very different fron those of my 20 year-old self and at that age, I had not yet learned to ask for or even recognize what I needed. I recognized Drachillix as what I needed even though our pasts were in so many ways dissimiliar.
Mr. Hardwood: “Surely love has never crossed such boundaries of class?”
Amy Hardwood: “But what about you and Mum?”
Mr. Hardwood: “Well yes, yes, I grant thee when I first met her I was the farmer’s son and she was just the lass who ate the dung, but that was an exception.”
Amy Hardwood: “And Aunty Dot and Uncle Ted.”
Mr. Hardwood: “Yes, yes alright, he was a pig poker and she was the Duchess of Argyle, but—”
Amy Hardwood: “And Aunty Ruth and Uncle Isiah, she was a milkmaid and he was—”
Mr. Hardwood: “The Pope! Yes, yes, all right. Don’t argue.”
That’s pretty much how DH and I are. Although I have to say, if we lived any closer to his family than we do (we’re in the Midwest, they’re on the West Coast), I’d probably either be divorced or on Death Row by now!
My family only looks wealthy by comparison to DH’s (heck, my parents are both public school teachers), but his family is just obsessed by the idea the DH lucked into some kind of heiress. They just can’t drop it. Thankfully, we only see them every few years, so it’s not as irking as it would be if I had to face a constant barrage of it.
Hey lookie! Eve is back!
Missed you.
Definitely. That’s my litmus test as well. By “level of education”, I usually don’t draw distinctions between levels of college- i.e. I don’t limit myself to master’s degree holders and above. It’s more of a “College/no-college” break. A community college degree might be kind of awkward, as would one from ITT or DeVry.
But… I have gone out on a couple of dates with people who never went to college, and it’s kind of awkward- more awkward than first dates usually are. From what I could tell, it was due to such differing life experiences- there just wasn’t as much to relate about as I’d have thought.
bump-yeah, I didn’t mean to imply that I am being hardcore on a post-undergrad education. It really depends on what the person is doing as some people don’t need a graduate degree for what they want to do (as my current hopeful is doing). However, there is a pretty firm undergraduate requirement (from a four year college) and due to past experiences with a significant SO’s parents who screamed and hollered about how it was inappropriate that I was pursuing a doctorate while he only had a B.Eng. (nevermind that he went to pretty much the most prestigious engineering school in the country and didn’t need or want a graduate degree), I do get uncomfortable if I sense that the person comes from a more traditional background than I do and the whole “she’s a lawyer and you’re not!” might come up from that side of the fence. I also have the added burden of working around a particular culture.
Thanks for the recommendation, I’ve added it to my to read list!
My husband’s family is in Kentucky while we’re in Ohio. Thankfully, he doesn’t much like them, so our exposure is limited. Mean, spiteful people!