I think it is a choice. Heterosexuality is the norm - the blueprint, so to speak - for humanity. It’s how the species reproduces into the next generation. Since no one has yet produced evidence of a “gay gene”, I have to go with the logic that says that deviation from the norm is by choice.
What causes the choice? Damfino, and I’m not terribly sure the people involved do as well. It’s the sum of all the parts of their lives to date, and it’s different for everyone.
What about homosexuality in the animal kingdom? Do they choose?
You’re right in that it’s probably the sum of all the parts, at least for certain individuals. Genetics, hormones, social pressures… not everything is well understood, and for something as complex as human sexuality, why would anyone be surprised that it’s not well understood?
For some people, it could be a choice. For others-- for most, seemingly-- it’s a compulsion, as strong as the heterosexual compulsion is for most (not all) self-identified heterosexual men and women.
What about all of the gay people who say that they didn’t make a choice? I’m not trying to pick a fight, I’m genuinely interested in your answer as to how you came to this conclusion.
Everything which isn’t the norm and for which a genetic link has not been established is a choice? C’mon… it’s possible for a trait, even an unusual trait, to be neither genetic nor a choice, surely?
***Do you think it is possible at all to choose your sexuality? ***
No.
Well, Silo the gay penguin did eventually dump his boyfriend and take up with a lady penguin.
I’m afraid I don’t have the cites for these figures, but for another thread awhile back I looked up some studies on consensual homosexual behavior in prisons. There haven’t been a lot of studies on this subject (prison rape is understandably a bigger concern) and the methodology and results varied a lot from study to study, but the lower estimates for consensual sex in both men’s and women’s prisons were about 25%, with the higher estimates being about 50% for women and 65-70% for men. These figures do include homosexual behavior other than sex, such as kissing*, and IIRC they also include prisoners who identified as gay or bisexual to begin with.
I’m not sure how many men who’ve never been to prison have engaged in homosexual behavior, but I doubt it’s 65-70%. But even if the highest figures for prison homosexual behavior are correct, this would mean that roughly 1/3 of men in prison don’t engage in homosexual behavior, despite having little to no opportunity for heterosexual behavior. So while it certainly does look like many otherwise straight men in prison consider sex with another man to be better than nothing, there’s still a significant number who don’t.
*Interestingly, female prisoners were far more likely to report that they’d kissed other prisoners than were male prisoners, and far more likely to say that they’d only kissed other prisoners. A pretty small percentage of men (only 8% in one study) said they’d kissed a fellow inmate, while a much larger number said they’d engaged in other consensual sex acts (e.g. oral or anal sex) with another inmate.
This is a true story. I got arrested once when I was 17 (just before my 18th birthday, so I was lucky to be put into the juvenile ward instead of the big-boy jail). I was only there for ~18 hours, but while I was hanging out another young man approached me and said “Hey wanna join a threesome upstairs?” I politely declined. He shrugged it off and left me alone.
They haven’t discovered a suitable method for containing a proper atmosphere long-term in a Moon base–does that mean that no such method exists?
Anyway: as a bi person (male, FTR), I just want to add that it would be weird to not occasionally think sexy thoughts about both genders. I’d probably have to go through some serious conditioning to do so.
Everyone can? And how would that work? I have been attracted exclusively to males since my first fantasy, at the age of 5. I’ve never had any sexual attraction to females (I can respond to a woman esthetically or intellectually or in many other ways, but that’s not what we’re talking about). So by what process would I “open myself” to women?
Well, I’m straight, have had plenty of opportunity to experiment and just…nah. Not my thing; not even interested in experimenting.
But a species who can ‘get off’ on anything from their own hands to inanimate objects can’t really lay any kind of claim to being ‘only’ hetero or homo. Clearly there’s more at work regarding release than just hormones.
Rigamarole said it best, I think. The night before and the morning after are two different things.
This
I believe that we can break down a wall and find joy in almost anything. It exists withing us. You may have no desire break boundaries or express yourself in these ways but I do not believe that it is imposable to you or anyone else to do so.
I maintained for a long time that I could have sexual relations with a male (Male here BTW) but never kiss one or fall in love with one. It was just a matter of fantasy and getting rocks off. I considered myself straight. After many years of trying to define gay or straight I sought out my won definitions and those of others. I use to defined it as the sex you can love intimately and passionately. After lengthy discussions with many people one girl said that anyone can find love in another. After multiple same sex encounters for mainly experimentation or other reasons. I found an appreciation. And it dawned on me that I could in fact love another male. I don’t like all men nor am I attracted to them on sight. I just discovered that I could if I wanted to love. Funny thing is that I still consider myself straight. But developed a taste and a potential for love with the same sex. Much-as one would for the appreciation sauerkraut, natto, or any of the hundreds of other highly disgusting foods out there.
How can I still consider myself straight? I LOVE women. Almost all of them. They are everything I want. I dream and fantasize about them. I could go in forever. But I will take a guy for sex and possibly for love and like it if need be.
With all due respect, nope. You’re bi, and have been since you were born. Just heavily on the hetero side of the bi scale.
Weren’t you in prison for a while, fifty-six? Do you think that had any influence on you?
Thinking about it more…I think that the terms for sexuality are a lot less complicated than people like to think they are.
If someone is heterosexual, it means they are sexually attracted to females (at least occasionally)
If someone is homosexual, it means they are sexually attracted to guys (at least occasionally)
If someone is bisexual, it means they are both heterosexual and homosexual.
Love doesn’t factor in. Frequency, beyond the requirement of ‘more than one’, doesn’t factor in. The likelihood of a person acting on their attraction doesn’t factor in.
From that basic definition, I would say that it is near-impossible to choose one’s sexuality.
(And of course, there’s a whole bunch of more unusual sexualities. Asexual: never sexually attracted. Robosexual: sexually attracted to robots. Anthrosexual [is that a word?]: sexually attracted to anthropomorphic animals. And so on. But they’re rather irrelevant to the main point.)
Since “anthro” means “human”, I think that would be a misnomer. I majored in anthropology, and did NOT study anthropomorphic animals, as best as I can recall.
What’s wrong with calling a furry a furry?
Furries get mad when people insinuate that all of them are fetishists.
You’re not wrong, as a gay male I am exactly the same way.
But let’s think about it like this, suppose I put a gun to your head and said, “Have sex with a woman.” Might you be able to have sexual intercourse with a woman?
If you received oral sex with man and you were blindfolded and a switch was made, might you not receive pleasure from it?
Perhaps not, no one really knows.
I’m just saying there are so many definitions and so many ways it’s hard to know.
It’s like on Seinfeld when George find out he’s going to get a massage from a man. This is non-sexual pleasure but his mind is preventing him from enjoying it.
Like the quoted poster, I am a gay male who can see beauty in a woman and tell when a woman is beautiful or even sexy, but I get no sexual feeling from it.
Sexuality for me, isn’t a choice. I can certainly choose whether or not to act upon that choice, but the feeling is there.
After all you can ask, why do some people like cabbage and some people don’t. Nothing is universal.
I think the social stigma against homosexuality is going away, and as it fades more and more people are going to try it, “just to see.” Even if they get no pleasure out of it. Just like some people will try a new food, even if they are sure they don’t like it.
First, I assume by “someone” in the hetero and homo examples, you mean males.
Second, hetero should be “exclusively” not “occasionally” attracted to the opposite sex and homo should be “exclusively” not “occasionally” attracted to the same sex; otherwise the person is bisexual.
Third, even if the terms for sexuality are not be complicated, that does not mean one’s sexuality is not complicated and can not be influenced by circumstance.
I believe there have been men in jail who were never attracted to men previously but consented to sex with men because there were no women available. I also believe that not all women who go into the porn industry are naturally bisexual, but that many grow to enjoy same-sex partners in their working lives even if they maintain exclusively opposite-sex relationships outside their careers (and vice versa). In both of these cases, a person might choose to engage in a certain kind of sexual behavior that is not his or her original preference, and might enjoy that behavior. It’s a circular argument to say if someone changes their sexuality then they were that all along because sexuality can’t be changed.
Fourth, there’s more to sexuality than the continuum from straight to gay. There was a time when I found performing cunnilingus to be very distasteful (literally) but I stuck it out (as it were) and now it’s one of my faves. I suspect that people who indulge a fetish are more likely to intensify that fetish through reinforcement than people who resist the urge.
So far from being simple, I believe it’s a very complex question.