Going to the Oscars? Yes, by all means, select carefully, get a tailor and wear some Spanx.
13 years old trying on a dress just for kicks with your mom during a fun shopping trip? Put on the dress, have a laugh and a smile, snap a picture and then get on with the day.
It’s completely tone deaf for someone to bring in a critique of someone’s body at this point. It was not helpful advice in this context, and all it did was bring an unwanted element of shame into what was a light hearted bit of fun.
See, I don’t think you should try on clothes at a department store “for fun” to start with. They are someone else’s clothes - currently the stores - there for people to buy, not to entertain themselves with. So for me, the salesperson was doing them the favor of assuming they were there for the purpose intended - to try on a dress to buy. How was the salesperson to know that they weren’t shopping for Winter formal?
It’s also possible the salesperson didn’t know the girl was just 13. She looks a lot older than 13.
Without knowing what was said, we can’t possibly judge the situation. If she said, “All you need for that dress is some Spanx to smooth out your belly button, and then it will be is absolutely perfect!”, would that have been such a bad thing? I don’t think so.
She is 13 and has not got her true figure yet so why not find a dress that flatters her figure rather than try to squeeze a quart into a pint pot, She is a pretty girl and she wants to concentrate on boys who she has eye contact with.
We know the salesperson is capable of speech, so perhaps she could, you know, ask before giving advice. With something as tricky as formalwear, I can’t imagine anyone being able to give useful advice without at least knowing the occasion.
Maybe you are particularly special person, but I’d guess most people try on an item now and then that outside of their usual range in order to try out different ideas. You’ve seriously never grabbed something and said “Huh, I wonder what THAT would look like on me?”
In what way are these equivalent, though? Does society tell a boy that his entire worth is based on whether he shows chest hair? Are t-shirts sold by the idea that they are fixing flaws in the kid who is wearing them?
I mean, you didn’t even connect it to weight. I at first assumed you would–as that would at least be closer–and was prepared to say how weird it was. It just isn’t offensive because it pretty much never happens. Spanx exist for guys, but they’re only used in Hollywood and stuff. Yet we’re fine with coming up with clothes that fit guys the way they are.
Unlike some others, I’m not going to lecture anyone about this thread title. It’s not like anyone is actually saying the kid needs spanx. In fact, pretty much everyone else has been saying the opposite. It’s silly to lecture anyone about it.
But this lecture using false equivalence doesn’t work either. Saying a teen boy needs to wear a t-shirt is not the same as calling a teen girl fat in a society that says that thin equals valuable.
What I can’t understand about monstro’s hypothetical (about the boy wearing a dress shirt with the chest hairs poking out) is how that could possibly happen. When you’re wearing a button-down shirt, there’s no bare skin behind the button holes.
Nope, why would I try something on when I have no intention of buying it? If it looks great on me, I’d buy it. If I have no need for it, I don’t need to tempt myself with it.
You’ve never seen chest hair poking through a dress shirt?
But if you don’t grok that over-the-top example, how about this one? We’re all looking at a picture of a teenaged boy wearing nuthugger jeans, even though it is evident they weren’t designed to fit that tightly. Would it be wrong for us to make negative comments about those pants? Or should we just pretend that they look fine because he’s young and we don’t want to hurt his feelings–even though the chances of him coming across this message board are slim to none.
Some people in this thread are acting like it is so wrong to express a negative criticism about that girl’s dress, as if doing so is primae facie evidence that one is not “body positive”–whatever that means. I think it is possible to embrace all body types, including the girl’s body, and still feel that some looks are less attractive than others. I don’t think the girl needs to be ashamed of her body or hide it under a muumuu. But I think there are better dresses out there for her. If she was stuck on wearing that dress and I was a close friend of hers, I might even suggest–GASP!!–some Spanx. Just like I’d recommend some special underwear for someone in this kind of situation.
I don’t see “Spanx” as just a way to hide bulges, though. I don’t think the girl’s bulging stomach is the problem. There’s no dress out there that would hide it. It’s just that the dress she’s wearing in that pic is the kind of dress you just can’t wear any ole thing underneath, if you want it to flow right, especially if you wear it as snugly as she’s wearing it. I’m on the slender side, but there’s no way I would wear a dress like that without some kind of shapewear underneath. Not unless I was going to go commando (which I ended up having to do this summer, when I wore a dress very similar to that for my sis’s wedding…don’t tell her though!) IMHO, this is not a topic where the term “body positivity” is even relevant. It’s more about fashion aesthetics.
If I saw photo of a young man wearing a dress shirt that was obviously too snug for his chest and stomach (as evidence bygapping along the buttons), I’d express the opinion that that shirt isn’t a good fit for him. And it would annoy the hell out of me if people were saying, “OH LEAVE THAT BOY ALONE! HE LOOKS FINE IN THAT SHIRT!” Um, no. He would look a lot better with a shirt that is a better fit! I’m not a fashion expert, but I’m guessing the girl would look better in a dress that is a better fit on her body. I would never say so to her face, of course, because she didn’t ask for my opinion. But if I asked about it on an anonymous message board, I’m not going to be afraid to express an opinion that’s not glowing with praise just because we’re talking about a kid who may or may not even care what distant strangers think. That is crazy.
Well yes, I do. Although as one poster said, the dress is ill fitted. There are various ways to disguise body imperfections with clothing. The girl is a cute girl with a very pretty face, but she is a big girl. Nothing wrong with that. A lot of it depends too how SHE feels in the dress. There are girls who don’t necessarily want to be tiny and petite. They want to be big and strong. If it were my daughter, I would suggest trying a different size or style, because I would say the dress doesn’t flatter her figure. I wouldn’t tell my daughter or any young girl that your gut is really hanging out in that. There are nice ways to say things. This girl has big arms too. Depending upon how SHE feels about her arms, I might suggest a pretty shawl, or a silky jacket. Point is, I would much rather see this girl in that dress, feeling good about herself, then see a poor little girl with an eating disorder. All skinny, like a skeleton, about to die.
DinkyDink
