Do you want to be president?

I can’t stand any of these people running for office. I’m thinking about writing someone in…does anyone want to relocate to D.C.? Why?

I want to relocate to D.C. because I’m tired of alternative current. Everything is alternative this, alternative that, it’s getting much too overblown.

My platform:
Direct current everywhere, starting in YOUR home.
No more taxes.
Social Security increased by 50%.
Free schooling.
Free health care.
Free water.
Free food.
Free air.
Free sex.

My slogan:
Edison was right! DC in DC!

Write me in as Arnold Winkelried, aka DC.
Thank you.

I do. I am qualified, or shall I say quantified, as per The US Constitution:

*Article II, Section 1, Clause 5: No Person except a natural born Citizen, or a Citizen of the United States, at the time of the Adoption of this Constitution, shall be eligible to the Office of President; neither shall any Person be eligible to that Office who shall not have attained to the Age of thirty five Years, and been fourteen Years a Resident within the United States. *

I was born in Colorado, 1964, and have always lived in the US.

I would become a new trivia answer, being the youngest man elected and to serve as President.

And as Walter Mondale once said, I could use the money. :smiley:


Wrong thinking is punished, right thinking is just as swiftly rewarded. You’ll find it an effective combination.

Not interested in heading the ticket, thank you very much. I absorb enough blame and general pissiness in my life as it is – I have no need to be held responsible for the economy, the state of the world, the weather, the prevalence of reruns on TV, and the health of the dolphin population.

However, I believe that I am destined to be Vice-President. I hope that you will be as impressed with my qualifications as I am:

I am capable of calling the President every couple of days to check on whether he has died in the meantime, thus automatically promoting me.

I can wander into the Senate whenever I’m bored to preside over that august body. I can time my paper airplanes aimed at whichever senator has the floor such that they appear to have come from the Sergeant at Arms.

Most importantly, I look smashing in black, and so my country will be well represented at those foreign funerals which aren’t big enough for the Top Dog to attend.

Did I leave out any job requirements? Naah.

Actually, I want to be head of the Republican National Committee. I would rather do the behind the scenes work of promoting the party and setting the national party platform. Let other people have their lives tarred and feathered, while I work in quiet anonymity crafting a party platform that appeals to the majority of the population.


Now, you too can become an Evil Ninja Assassin in the Self-Righteous Clique. Ask me how.

AWB, I like your sigline, you Trekkie, you!

To quote someone whom I have forgotten:

“I wouldn’t have that job between a nymphos’ tits!”

Are you kidding?! neither your time or your life are your own for 4 years; A high price to pay for a spot in the history books.
Additionally, there are easier ways to make much more money!


VB

The ways of cats and little girls are mysterious.

AWB:

I, for one, will vote for you. Absolutely!

I will even volunteer to be your campaign manager.

In a nutshell, what is your platform? And do you have a cool slogan?

On Art Linkletter’s old House Party program, in his interviews of kids, he found that, with few exceptions, American children are not interested in becoming President someday!
The little kids, of course, thought Washington or Lincoln was still President.
Older kids would give more serious reasons to refuse the position; one said, “You have too much responsibility.” But one older boy gave the best comment of all:
Linkletter: Would YOU like to be President someday?
Kid: No!
Linkletter: Why not?
Kid: Because no matter what happens, it’s all your fault!
(To paraphrase Linkletter’s comment on this: I can see a succession of Presidents, from Washington down to Clinton, intoning, in unison, “AMEN!!”

“This time, elect the REAL Satan for a change.”

As for issues, well fuck, since when have they mattered? All youse needs is a catchy slogan…

I will be taking donations for my candidacy. Please send non tax-refundable donations to:

CMC INTERNATIONAL
c/o Brian O’Neill
5226 Greens Dairy Road
Raleigh, NC 27616-4612
USA

Thank you!


Yer pal,
Satan

Tryin’ to get those dollars back, Brian?

No.


formerly known as LauraRae

I’m a Raggety Ann in a Barbie Doll world.

Laura’s Stuff and Things

Satan, you may need to balance that ticket out with a slightly less evil running mate. I would suggest a bag full of puppies. Maybe a girl scout.


Now, you too can become an Evil Ninja Assassin in the Self-Righteous Clique. Ask me how.

How about a bag full of girl scouts? And how do I become an evil Ninja Assassin in the self-righteous clique?

On behalf of the ‘Give Us A Break’ Party, I would like to officially throw my hat into the ring.

If elected, I promise that I won’t do a single feckin’ thing for the whole four year term. If anybody else in the government tries to do anything, I’ll have their asses keel-hauled.

Rather than promise you fine folks a tax break in a lame attempt to get yer vote, I’d just like to say – FOUR YEAR PARTY AT 1600 PENNSYLVANIA AVE! Bring yer friends.

Thank you, and I count on yer vote in November.

Dr. Watson
“As long as I count the votes, what are you going to do about it?” – William Marcy “Boss” Tweed

If I am elected president I promise to crack down on presidential corruption. I will create a special committee to investigate my actions, and I promise if I am caught doing anything unscrupulous, I will discipline myself severely.
– Sylence


If a bird doesn’t sing, I’ll wait until it sings.

  • Tokugawa Ieyasu

I don’t know about President, but I think I’d make a good Secretary of State. Now, that is a job that appeals to me. Browbeating foreign leaders, making vaguely threatening speeches to the UN, getting really scary pictures of me in the paper. By the time I was finished, I’d make Madeleine Albright look like Fred Rogers.


An infinite number of rednecks in an infinite number of pickup trucks shooting an infinite number of shotguns at an infinite number of road signs will eventually produce all the world’s great works of literature in Braille.