I never, ever thought anyone would, or could stand to wipe until I read about it on the SDMB a while back. It’s completely crazy to me.
Yeah, there’s a risk of touching the seat. But my poo doesn’t graze the seat on the way down unless there’s a tummy bug or Chipotle, and, oh, handwashing.
Now you have two things to think on.
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The obvious subtext from the sitter you were responding to is that their own parents didn’t teach them to sit and that anyone who still stands to wipe never figured out the better way.
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This sitter you’re currently responding to just told you that he was a stander and described to you what led to the switch. Clear subtext: the sitting wipe was never a part of my potty training, until I was peer-pressured into discovering a better way.
I know; I’m impossible. Well, the last time something like this came up, my middle son asked me why on earth his baby brother (at the time, about 9) used so much toilet paper. And I said that once upon a time I had another son who didn’t use enough toilet paper, and there were skid marks. And middle son, correctly surmising that that was him, blushed. So it was one of those let-us-never-speak-of-this-again moments. Sorry.
We sure spend a lot of time here talking about shit, don’t we?
Don’t all y’all have people to take care of such things as wiping for you?
The “better way” that I have literally been physically unable to do, despite being curious to try it? :dubious:
“Could”? Both sides are generally surprised the other side would do it differently. That’s clear. But while I continue to be puzzled about the physical ability to wipe sitting down, with the seat in the way (a great analogy that just occurred to me is trying to scratch your nose while face down on a massage table), I don’t see how anyone could think it impossible to do standing up. If you were out in the woods, or in a country where the “toilet” is basically a hole in the floor, would you be helpless? 
When I have gotten poo on my finger, mere handwashing was insufficient to get rid of the smell. It took 15-20 minutes of severe scrubbing with a nail brush and copious amounts of soap, even though it was not under my fingernails.
All you people are nuts. Standing has the clenched buttcheek problem, not to mention the risk of dropping dingleberries in my pants. Sitting is physically ridiculous. I am not putting my hand anywhere near the bowl. The correct answer is a squat. No buttclench, hands stay out of the danger zone, used TP drops right into the bowl, and allows for the necessary poo inspection.
I remember being at a summer camp when I was around 8, and one kid out of the whole crowd didn’t know how to use a urinal, so he dropped his pants completely while taking a whiz. I hope he eventually learned how to use a toilet like a normal person. That’s more-or-less my impression of both standers and sitters.
I’ll allow it. Also acceptable: the earlier-offered reply, “FFS, just use a bidet.”
I remember in elementary school there was that one boy who used the urinal by pulling his pants down to his shoes and pissing bare asscheeked. It makes me think he grew up into the standing pooper except apparently there are more of him than I remember. Lift one leg, wipe from the back, the front, the side, super easy, no big deal.
OK. You got me there. “Could” is certainly possible, but why you “would” is a complete and utter mystery to me.
Again, before reading it here (years ago) I had no idea people actually stood to wipe their ass. No idea.
And, this is what message boards are all about really. We can share this information anonymously and gather insights into each others private worlds.
I’d share threads on fetishes, masturbation, and the like, but I actually now know some members IRL, so I do NOT feel comfortable doing that.
I think I “got” you again. Why would I? As I’ve said over and over: if I don’t stand up at least to a crouch, I can’t reach my butthole, and therefore my butt would remain unwiped. That seems like the strongest possible reason for why I “would”!
I don’t understand why you can’t reach it while sitting. I’m not being a jerk, I really don’t get it.
It would be like saying “I can’t blow my nose while laying down” or something equally ridiculous.
Listen, I don’t want to get personal, but is it a weight issue? I weigh 150 pounds and I have a lot of room to reach around. Is this the issue?
You mean like that one where everybody in the thread was peeing in your shower?
Memories, like the corner of my mind…
I have two cats, but their tongues are very rough. :eek:
I’ve seen adults do this. Baffles me every time.
Because I’d rather not twist my body into a pretzel, trying to get my hand between my ass cheek and the seat… and then hold that position during the entire wiping procedure. That seems unduly uncomfortable.
Again… "Listen, I don’t want to get personal, but is it a weight issue? I weigh 150 pounds and I have a lot of room to reach around. Is this the issue? "
ETA: Twisting into a pretzel to wipe your butt hole? What in the fuck?
It may certainly be. I’ve said it repeatedly in the thread: like about 30 percent of men my age (early 40s), I weigh over 200 pounds. But I also pointed out upthread that I’m no Jabba the Hut: I am an avid tennis player and can beat all but the top three boys on my son’s varsity tennis team (which is one of the best in its conference).
Now, I always wiped this way, including when I was a teenager and had a visible 6-pack (not because I was so muscular and buff, but simply from being skinny). But I didn’t *try *to wipe sitting down back then. The only times I have ever tried it have been in the past 24 hours or so.
Also covered upthread is the possibility that some of you have larger openings in your toilet seats. I have a more than century old house, and although the toilet is clearly not quite that old, it’s not new either. When I sit on it (this is new information not revealed upthread), my junk rests on the front part of the seat, while the top of my buttcrack (which, I would point out, has no fat to speak of underneath it) is either against or maybe a centimeter forward of the back of the seat. The sides of the seat are completely covered by my legs. Only in back is there room to squeeze a finger or two in, but that’s without any TP. It’s hard for me to imagine that if I lost fifty pounds, the distance between my nutsack and the top of my buttcrack would be significantly less.
But even if that were true, it still begs the question of why anyone would find it absurd for people to stand up to wipe when (as I also said upthread) there are many guys in Walmart at almost any time of day who are far fatter than I am. Fat guys are no rarity in America, and they are people too!
ETA: Something I also wonder along those lines: if it is all about weight, what happens to those who wipe sitting when they are young and skinny like I was, but then get middle aged and fat like so many of us do? My standing technique was there for me the whole time.
Upon rereading, I realized this is misleading, but I missed the edit window. I meant my legs cover any potential *opening *on the sides, not the whole seat or even very much of it.
I’m a sitter, but I tried this today because I was reading this thread on the can. I was able to get both cheeks off the seat and wipe, but I had to sit to get more TP for my bunghole. It took a little more effort but I was able to wipe without incidental seat contact.
I can see how if you are person who is afraid of the toilet seat you might prefer this method to avoid touching it with the hand.