"Doctor" Suzanne Gudakunst

So I followed a Google ad because, let’s face it, it sounded intriguing. I wasn’t expecting anything remotely credible but what I got was beyond what I imagined.



This “Top Secret Weight Loss Secret” can also cure cancers, diabetes and hypertension as well, apparently.

It angers me because I know that there are some people out there so naive, dare I say dumb, that would fall for this and send their money off to the good Doctor.

Aside from all of the above, the website design, quotes, language and grammar gave me so many laughs. So many in fact that I submitted an email address to receive the next stage. To save you guys doing it, it just links you through to http://www.topsecretfatlosssecret.com.


“Hey, Bob-you’ve been in the bathroom for a veeeery long time now-is everything o.k.?”
“Uh, Bob? What’s that stuff leaking out under the bathroom door?!?”

If she has a magical, instant secret to cure all of the fat people of the world, which would drastically reduce diseases of countless varieties and improve the lives of millions, and she doesn’t say what it is without jumping through hoops and paying up, she is one of the most evil people the world has ever known.

Fortunately, she’s just a liar.

She’s magical! She was standing right in my screen and talking to me. If that doesn’t prove her system works…

OMG!! I don’t trust things with teeth, but no eyes. My agent was just like that, and I totally don’t trust him. EVERYTHING DR. SUZANNE SAYS IS TRUE!!

I subscribe to a conservative email site. I get lots of things like that from them. Doctors are hiding the truth. Shame on them,bad doctors.

Do you think we’re in danger for even reading it?

“Plus, the food companies only want to make you fatter, as you just end up getting addicted to their foods. Just like a drug addict.”

It’s so true! I’ve found myself needing my hit several times a day, and on those rare occasions where I go for an extended period without, significant withdrawal symptoms set in. And doctors? More like pushers! Just try and tell them of your plans to quit…

Oh Jesus, I was reading this thread and the one about Colin Powell endorsing Obama. Then I stepped away for a bit, and saw a link to an interview about the latter on YouTube, and thought for a split second it was Colin Powell interviewing Dr. Suzanne!


She’s also extremely adamant that she’s a woman, mentioning the fact at least three times.

There are a couple of sources that come up in a Google search that indicate that she’s a chiropractor in the Atlanta area (who better than a chiro to show you magical weight loss secrets?).

Her promotion has some of the classical elements found in many quack schemes - 1) a “natural” remedy that has extremely powerful effects (yet presumably is much safer than conventional drugs), 2) the horrible stuff in your colon that causes all manner of problems and doesn’t go away unless you “cleanse” it, 3) undetectable “parasites” causing a condition for which there is no scientific evidence, and 4) THEY don’t want you to know the big secret (the death threat claim is kind of extreme. The Evul Medical Establishment usually works more subtly; a favorite harassment technique involves having an A.M.A. official come over to toilet paper your trees and shrubs).

I know a great deal about herbal and alternative treatments, and how to use them wisely. My red flag is raised when extreme scare tactics are used, ( Jackmannii gives the good details above) and, the Perp is portrayed in a “Star” manner, as is Gundakunst, with glam photos.

Also, I don’t see the specific ingredients of what she’s selling; signed up for the e-mail and will try to come back with analysis, but, it’s pretty damn fishy to me.

How about those of us who are reading about reading it? Should I get out the baseball bat?

It’s always a good idea to get out the baseball bat, IMO.

No. And you’re in no great denger if you buy her products. If you use her products, on the other hand, all bets are off.

By the way, the claim that there’s widespread parasite infestation among people in Western nations is straight out of the Hulda Clark playbook (Clark is the nutty “doctor” who has alleged that the liver fluke is the cause of all cancers, and promotes a variety of anti-parasite products including a electric “zapper” that you’re supposed to hold against your skin to “zap” the parasites. She has a surprisingly large coterie of credulous followers).

Oh, I am loving this!

Would I trust anything living in your bowels that has teeth but NO eyes? A question that keeps me up at night, but I definitely would trust something living in my bowels if it did have eyes. Who knows what sort of shit it could bump into down there?

I met a strange woman a few years ago who claimed that all disease was caused by a certain “bug”. I’m wondering if she was a Hulda Clark devotee. She was a nutjob anyway and really, really annoying.

Literally? Quick! Call a doctor…wait…never mind.

Suzanne Gudakunst was just taking notes from that recent episode of Doctor Who, the one where the miracle pill causes fat to just… run away!

The miracle pill turns out to be alien eggs, which incubate in the host’s body, changing fat into alien flesh. Then, every night at 2am, the baby aliens depart., taking their pound of flesh with them If panicked, however, the aliens don’t limit their transmogrification of human flesh to excess fat…