Doctor Who. Rule #1: The Doctor lies. Other rules?

Just finished watching Doctor Who: Let’s Kill Hitler. (Outstanding episode, I thought, but that’s not what I’m here to talk about.)

Near the end of the episode The Doctor spouts a few numbered rules. I didn’t catch all of them, but I did catch:

Rule #1: The Doctor lies.

Are there other rules that have been mentioned in this series? My google-fu wasn’t strong enough to find a list of the rules anywhere.

So, what other rules have you heard? Feel free to list them here.

Is there a compendium of rules anywhere?


Such as it is: The Doctor’s Rules. Only #1 and #54 predate Let’s Kill Hitler.

What makes you think that’s actually rule 1?

The Doctor said so in the latest episode.

Well, ok, but if the doctor can lie what’s to stop him from lying about what’s rule #1?

True. It’s a show that doesn’t worry at all about continuity or making sense, as last night’s “Let’s Kill Hitler” episode shows, so you’re exactly right - he could be lying.

(My one bump.)

Anybody else no of any more rules or list of rules?


Nope. The rules were basically just in this episode.

#1 – Cardio
#2 – The Double Tap
#3 – Beware of Bathrooms
#4 – Seatbelts
#7 – Travel Light
#17 – Don’t Be A Hero
#18 – Limber Up
#22 – When In Doubt, Know Your Way Out
#31 – Check The Back Seat
#32 – Enjoy The Little Things

Oops, sorry, those are Zombieland rules…

I know, it’s
1; Collect Underpants
2; ???
3; Profit!

D’oh, those are the Underpants Gnomes rules…

Hmm, how about…

“Once you have their money, you never give it back…”

Darnit, that’s a Ferengi Rule of Acquisition…

Sorry, I got nothing…

Gibbs’ Rules

Rule #408: Time is not the boss of you!! I’m pretty sure that showed up in “Let’s kill Hitler” as well!!

Rule #31: Rory Williams will die in 33% of all episodes he appears in.

Rule #19: 83% of all nefarious schemes are the work of either the Daleks or the Cybermen.

Rule 6 – There is NO –
(I can’t go through with it).

Maxim 27: Don’t be afraid to be the first to resort to violence.
No, wait, that’s Mercenaries…

Rule 2: bowties are cool.*

*See rule one.

Don’t know if it is more of advice than a rule, but #10 said:
“Always bring a banana to a party”…or something thereabouts.

Or, my favorite rule which crosses over generations:
If you redecorate, the Doctor will say, “I don’t like it”.

The Doctor changes the numbers on his rules as it suits him and the situation.

Usually number 1 is “The Doctor lies” - not meaning he is a simple liar; meaning he lies when he thinks it is needed - (such as the way a spy would lie to protect his cover).

Rule number 2 is often, “Don’t wander off.”, but companions never obey that.

He also does say “Always bring a banana to a party” (because he likes banana daiquiries) I’m not sure that one ever got a number on it.

He says “Bow ties are cool” , sometimes it has a rule number, sometimes it doesn’t.

He quotes other rules, per each episode, but like I said, the numbers on the rules are not set, which befits travel in a “big ball of timey-wimey stuff”.


Can you cite an example of it having a rule number? I don’t recall it ever doing so.