Yeah, you’re a real fuckin’ professional. How many people have you either maimed or killed in say the last two months? I can name one–ME. I could have gotten better care at a mother fucking Taliban aid station, you rotting lump of camel dung.
Oh, you don’t remember me? Let me refresh your memory.
I’m the guy that walked into your office with a wart under my right little finger’s nail bed. “Oh no” you said. “We can’t freeze or burn that, it’ll just grow back.” I would have better served if I had visited the offices of Dr Nick.
So, instead of doing an X-ray to find the source of the severe pain that shot up my arm and into my chest at the slightest touch to any part of my finger that I can only pray someday you’ll experience, you prescribed Aldara cream and told me to give it twelve weeks to clear up. You didn’t tell me that Aldara is not FDA approved for common warts, but is a treatment for genital warts. Quacks like you don’t pay much attention to the FDA, do they?
You know what, Dr Dickweed? I was stupid enough to believe you knew what you were talking about. The product insert did say that redness and swelling were to be expected, but I could only take four weeks of the pure hell you put me through before I could see a Dermatologist. The insert didn’t describe what it can do to a finger because its not made to be used on fingers!
Well, I didn’t exactly see a derm because he plays golf and lets the PAs do his dirty work. Mr PA took a look at my swollen member (and I’m not talking about Mr Spanky) and decreed that I am the victim of a candida or yeast infection under my nail and prescribed a dose of Diflucan and put me on ten days worth of Dicloxacillin, an antibiotic, before he could remove my wart. At least he had the decency to give me something for pain.
Ten days later, Mr PA takes another look at my redder, more swollen finger and declares that my “yeast infection” looks much much better and that I’m ready for wart removal.
While Mr PA is injecting lidocaine into my pinky, he was sprayed in the face by the contents of my swollen finger. So much for a yeast infection, Shit For Brains. I hope that the contents of the cyst in my finger got in your eye and blinds you, you mold encrusted cum rag. Next time I would bet you put a gown and face/eye protection on before doing a surgical procedure LIKE YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO DO, you sorry excuse for anal discharge. So tell me, did the large mass you removed from my finger look like a yeast infection???
So Mr PA finally gets smart and sends me for an X-ray and puts me on Cipro, a very strong antibiotic. Mr PA takes one look at my X-ray and cries out “There’s nothing else we can do for you, go see a hand specialist” And why did Mr PA say that you ask? Because THE BONE AT THE END OF MY FINGER IS ALMOST COMPLETELY EATEN AWAY BY INFECTION. Osteomyelitis, thank you very much.
I did some research and picked the best hand surgeon in town. He saw me (finally) in his office today. He’s going to amputate my finger this Friday, the day after New Year’s. Happy New Year’s mother fucker. I know my pinky finger doesn’t mean shit to you supposed medical professionals, but I’ve grown attached to it over my 43 years.
I’ve been out of work for two weeks and I’m looking at eight weeks of home IV therapy. They say I will experience phantom pain for some time after the amputation. I am so glad I have good insurance. This was all avoidable if Dr Dickweed and Mr PA would have listened to the patient and investigated the pain I had described to them and not glanced at my finger and said “wart” or “yeast infection” & “see ya in two weeks.” I’d sue the bastards but its only a pinky finger and the lawyers probably have bigger fish to fry.
To the Doctors: Please please please x-ray any patient that has shooting pain up their arms into their chests from a finger lesion. I firmly believe that my finger could have been saved by a timely x-ray.
To Dr Dickweed & Mr PA: We wouldn’t need tort reform/liability limitations if the States would start pulling the licenses of incompetent quacks.
I wish a happier New Year to all the dopers than I’m gonna have.
