That was indeed a lovely post and one I heartily agree with.
However, the question the OP posed was:
I took this to mean the connection that is felt when (a) you or your partner give birth to a child or (b) you and your partner take home an adopted child. I still maintain that the feelings will be *different *in those cases. Hell, they may even feel stronger in the latter.
Although, I suspect if I had a third child - either by birth or by adoption - my feelings on arrival would be different than either of my first two. My daughter had the disadvantage of a difficult pregnancy followed by a difficult labor and PPD - but if I didn’t go through that next time, if I had the sort of exhilarating delivery you sometimes hear talked of - I might feel differently. My son got well rested and excited first time parents - if we picked up a baby at the airport now, we’d be jaded, experienced parents of two. EACH arrival of a baby is going to bring different feelings, and I suspect the variable of genetics and/or giving birth is simply one of many variables over what sort of “instant and special” connection you feel, if any. And one of those variables is going to be how much you value the non-genetic ties in your life. For someone who has close friends and distant family, adoption may be an emotional no brainer. For someone who has closely knit family ties that are defined by blood (yeah, my sister married him 20 years ago, and he’s an OK guy, but he’s still not FAMILY), that might be a overwhelming hurdle.
When we adopted our social worker spent a lot of time figuring out how we felt about non-blood relationships. Did we have adoption in our families? Were we close to our friends? Were we close to our friend’s kids? Did we maintain long term friendships? The ability to acknowledge strong friendships - friends that become family - is part of what social workers are looking for in a home study. (And apparently, its a sticking point more often than you’d think).
I agree though, its not going to be “the same.” But no two children are and no two parenting experiences are - even when they are all bio kids from the same parents.