[Jack Nicholson]Whoooooo’s Bobby ? 
[/JN]
d&r.
I think the fact that Bobby is an adult now means you’ve pretty much got to tell him when someone like this gets in touch. Tell him the facts and give him the choice.
Making a decision like this for him would be insulting.
Yeah, I goofed. I don’t know why I didn’t just use their real names, which are just as ordinary as the ones I made up.
Another update: The first part – Mary telling Sam that Bobby’s bio dad has found Bobby – didn’t go well. Sam thinks he’s going to lose his son. Mary said it’s like Sam thought he had a son, as long as Bobby thought Sam was his dad, but now that Bobby will know the truth, Sam won’t have a son anymore.
Yeah, it’s weird.
The medical history angle is very real. I have been asked many times health questions related to my adopted siblings both by doctors trying to make a diagnosis, and by insurers looking for reasons to raise my premium. I now head them off at the pass when they ask about my siblings “I have no biological siblings”.
That’s normal for adoptive parents and part of the reason that we (adoptive parents) are encouraged to talk about the adoption from day one - so it never is anything “new” to any of the parties and doesn’t make the relationship “post discovery” lesser (it SHOULDN’T, but the fear is natural). We project that our children are going to like their bio parents better than us, that suddenly we won’t be “Mom and Dad.” The truth is that unless the parent/child relationship was damaged already (it was with my father), children remember who taught them how to ride a bike and who was there Christmas morning (and, although they don’t remember it, the mark of a parent is who cleaned up the bed in the middle of the night after they were sick).
There are counselors and social workers who deal particularly with these issues - for any or all of the parties involved. Contacted a respected adoption agency locally should get you a referral (our agency has them on staff).
Kevbo (and others who have mentioned the medical issue), according to Joe’s wife, Joe’s family does have a history of heart disease, and one of Joe’s brothers died due to complications of an “enlarged heart”, at a young age. That helped convince Mary to tell the kid.
Dangerosa, yep. I always knew who my biological father was, but I never thought of him as “dad” in the conventional sense. He wasn’t around when I needed him, although he did do something nice when my first husband died.
I’ll suggest counseling. Didn’t even think of that. Bobby might not need it, but his dad might.