For those of you breathlessly following my dating adventures (and that would be, what, 97-98% of you?) – I did the coffee meet last night with one of the contenders for the position of my consort.
He’d first contacted me a week, maybe a week and a half ago, and we’ve had several long IM conversations, but this was the first actual meeting. It went well – we talked for about an hour and a half over coffee, then went to a nearby chain restaurant to grab something to eat, where we talked for another hour or so. We both agreed that the gates to heaven hadn’t opened up, but that we’d had a good time and it would be worth trying it again, but no firm date was set. We parted with a kiss (of the friendly, more-or-less on the mouth variety)
Here’s the body language question – a lot of the time that he was talking, he had one or both hands in front of his mouth. I checked, it’s not like he has weird teeth he’d be self-conscious about or anything – so I’m thinking it’s some fundamental body language thing.
Not sure but I’d say nervousness & ??? holding something back??? maybe not exactly hiding something but definitely not at ease and forthcoming…I’d be hesitant.
Weeeel - it tends to suggest that the person is lying.
However, being that it was a first date, he could just be holding something back, which doesn’t seem that wacky on a first date. Many would consider it a tad overwhelming if a person whiped out their entire autobiography and started going through it point by point. At this stage I wouldn’t worry too much, unless he starts doing stuff that seem duplicitious.
I used to wear braces, and I developed a habit of talking with my hand in front of my mouth because I was paranoid about having food stuck in my braces. It took me a long time (years after the braces were off) before I lost the habit of covering my mouth when I spoke. Just a thought… October has a good suggestion, too.
Yeap, could be lying, could be nervous or could be out of habit. Nowadays people talk about body language ‘clusters’, which means taking into account all the other bits and pieces. Classic lying traits are eyes briefly shifting away, or the ‘micro-gesture’ of frowning for a spilt second (look closely just between the eyebrows).
If he’s constantly doing it, it’s probably nothing. Or he knows body language and is deliberately masking his ‘tell’ signs with false positives. Isn’t this fun?
Or you could just stop intensely staring at his face like a weirdo and use old fashioned detective work. The whole body language thing is fun bit of pop-pyschology, but I personally don’t put much faith into it.
It’s a tad less weird than having one or both hands in front of his crotch all evening. Then, if you had “checked” as to why, he might have taken it the wrong way.
Even though it was your 1st date, wjy not start off on the right foot: What would have been the harm in asking? All you or anyone here can do is guess, he’s the only source on this planet who can provide an accurate explanation
Ask him, John? What a quaintly … direct … approach. I’ll consider it.
And I wasn’t staring at his face like a weirdo, Rabid_Squirrel – I was maintaining eye contact. [sub]harrumph. A weirdo? harrumph.[/sub]
gallows, Sunspace – I’m guessing it’s not about braces – at least not recently (he’s 54) – and, as I said – his teeth looked okay.
Maybe I should just ask to see his teeth and also get a full dental history – that way I could make everyone happy, John by being direct, Rabid_Squirrel by acting like a psycho, and gallows and Sunspace by getting the details of past and/or present crookedness or other orthodontic problems.
Love, twicks (off to get her own fangs polished first thing in the morning)
No – it was more like a nervous habit, it was pretty consistent. That was what made it so weird – he’d be talking about something completely neutral, or asking me a question, and there would be his hands, up hiding the lower part of his face.
Simple. He had to keep his hands over his mouth so his wedding ring wouldn’t pop out. I don’t think you should date someone so stupid they can’t figure out the uses of pockets.
I’ve known a few people who talk with their hands around their mouths. For the most part, it was just a thing. A bad habit. Of course this one guy had a retainer and spit when he talked…
