Let’s say you have a first date that lasts well over four hours. The two of you get along very well, have a number of things in common, and by all appearances have a great time. You make plans to see each other again. And yet there’s very little that can be construed as physical affection, and when you say goodbye—albeit on a subway train—you don’t kiss, however briefly, or hug or otherwise make contact.
Is it likely that this is at all indicative of a lack of romantic interest on one part or the other?
(I’ve been on a lot of first dates. I’ve found that the level of physical affection roughly, although not always, correlates with how mutually interested the parties are. I’m curious whether there are a lot of people out there who, for whatever reason, just wouldn’t end up being affectionate during a first date even if they were significantly interested in, or attracted to, the other person.)
I’d say it could come from nervousness - “Should I kiss him/her?” “Will they be weirded out if I give them a big hug because we don’t know each other very well yet?” etc. No worrying until after the second date or so. No matter how well a first date goes, it is still an awkward situation.
Yep, I’ve often ended first dates without even a hug despite liking the guy because I was so nervous and wasn’t sure if the guy liked me. Some of us just aren’t very comfortable making physical contact with others right off the bat. After a second date, yes, THEN I think it’s weird if the person ahsn’t even hugged you.
On your next date – try to make sure there’s some very, very casual, non-sexual touching during the course of the date – touch his or her hand as you’re making a point, or touch his or her arm in a “hey look at this” situation. That may help.
I’ve never been on a first date that didn’t end in a kiss or a hug or something more. But then again, I’m not exactly the shy type when it comes to women.
Both in Miami and in Philly, I had several series of dates with guys who went from not-even-touching-me to wanting to fuck or asking for a BJ. All of them were as gringo as it gets.
I swear if I’m ever over there again and anybody wants to introduce me to whomever, I’m refusing dates with anybody who can’t show at least a 12.5% non-northern-european ancestry :dubious: And if wanting to be kissed before getting horizontal makes me a racist, so be it!
A few years ago I went out a handful of times with a friend of mine’s roommate. Once we even stayed in and he made dinner. We got along great and always had a good time, but neither of us ever touched the other one: no hand-holding, no snuggling on the couch while watching a movie, etc. The most I got from him was a hand on my shoulder one night at the Birchmere (a music venue, for those outside of the DC area). I would have happily made the first move, except that I had no idea whether we were dating! And if we weren’t, I didn’t want to be the one to make things awkward. At some point we just stopped hanging out. It was kind of bizarre, and to this day I’m not sure how/why I couldn’t determine the nature of our time together.
I’m not saying this was the issue in your case, and in fact it probably wasn’t, but it can happen.
I’ve always believed that establishing physical contact, of any kind, should be done carefully and respectfully. Holding hands can be a good start. If the other person isn’t ready for contact, it can be easily rejected w/o causing great difficulty. I don’t want a first date climbing all over me and I doubt most women do either. I don’t think age or experience has anything to do w/ it either, you’re either a gentlman, or you’re not, no matter how old you are.
If the lady accepts a second date, then she’s probably interested, but that’s not a signal that you’re going to “get lucky”, if she’s worth it you shouldn’t mind showing her that you feel that she is.
Most women appreciate a “slow hand”.
He probably observed you elbowing old people out of the way on escalators and was put off.
Seriously, it could be general shyness, or a reluctance to indulge in public display of affection–especially on a first date. Could be he prefers a little privacy before making any sort of a move. Could be he’s not sure you wanted to be kissed/hugged whatever. Maybe you should be a little more obvious about it–do some of the girly things like laying your head on his shoulder, lean into him when laughing, hook his arm while walking together. IF all else fails, drag him into an alley and lay a liplock on him…guys are not subtle creatures.
I, for one, am not all that comfortable making with the hugging and kissing on the subway. Double that for a date ending on the subway. Raise that to the tenth power for a first date.
Assuming she knew it was a date (Misnomer’s situation happens more often than you’d think), if everything else about the date was peachy-keen, I’m in the shyness camp. Not everyone is comfortable with casual physical affection. Plus, the venue wasn’t all that conducive to a first kiss, you know?
Yeah, I certainly think that had a lot to do with it. It’s been a while since I’ve had this much fun on a first date, though, so I’m hopeful (am I using that word right?) that she enjoyed it as well and that I’m not misreading the presence of a spark.
If you being attractive to me differentiated you from the vast majority of women, or differentiated me (in my own head) from the vast majority of other men who encounter you, or better yet both of those things, I’d be more inclined to kiss without being shy or self-conscous about it.
But when being attracted to you is “of course” for me and (I assume) having a guy attracted to you is “of course” for you, going in for the kiss is going to depend on something in addition to that, yes?
And is that something in addition going to necessarily manifest itself on first date? Might, might not.
It takes two to kiss; it only takes one to “not kiss”.
I try to always end with at least a hug unless I’m really put off by the person (it has happened)
The girl I am currently dating- Our first date was a movie, followed by pie, followed by drinks at a bar. Between pie and bar she made occasion to take my hands while making a joke. I took that as a good sign.
At the end of the date I walked her to her car and planted one on her lips. She looked really surpirsed. I didn’t know how to react to that look so I just shrugged it off. I half expected not to hear from her again.
She mentioned in a subsequent phone conversation that she was really surprised that I had kissed her on the first date.
Personally I was surprised I didn’t get a handful of boob.
