Now, normally this would be a GQ, but it’s already expired into toddlerhood and I’m impatient so I’m going to go try it before waiting for an answer. So, if I haven’t posted anything in 72 hours I either forgot to or the brie got me. 
Ok, I’ve decided to make this a complete bad food experiment. Note that I am doing this simply out of curiosity as to the taste and psychological effects of these items, and not because of necessity or because I enjoy eating really bad food. I also don’t like letting things go to waste.
In front of me is:
A piece of Alouette brand Baby Brie (which is pretty much the counterpart to grocery store swiss in the soft cheese universe) that has expired about a month and a half ago. Visually it appears preserved well.
A couple tablespoons of babaganoush that expired about a week and a half ago. Visually it also appears… about as unsightly as babaganoush appears when fresh.
A few stale saltines from the back of my cupboard that have probably been sitting open for a few months.
A glass of room-temperature Fontana Candida Pinot Grigio “Delle Venezie” 2004 that I opened about a month or two ago, did not take a liking to, and left sitting (corked, however) near my desk.
drumroll
(the results)
The brie tastes surprisingly fresh and incredibly more mild than expected. Stepping one notch up from the usual giant costco wheel of bad, but fresh, brie this is more reminiscent of really terrible but well aged camembert. Quite edible, and even tasty.
The babaganoush tastes like babaganoush, apparently refrigeration and generous expiration dates have prevented humorous results. I’m disappointed. Although, what’s this? An aftertaste! Redeemed! Comes on fairly late, sneakily, after you’ve already consumed a sufficient amount… somewhat reminiscent of … burnt bleach? Tastes like the YMCA.
Only one thing can save me from this! The gift of italy! The freakishly mutant white grape and it’s stale cleansing power! Ah, home-made vinegar, my salvation! Surprisingly drinkable, in fact, much more drinkable than the vinegar that my Japanese coworkers drink out of juice-box-like-containers (however, that is originally marketted as drinking vinegar). Complex combination of fine aromas of apples and pears, with a hint of babaganoush. Superb swill with a very simple finish.
Oh and as for the saltines they taste like stale saltines.
If anybody is curious, I’ll post back (if I’m capable of it) if any of this will hurt me, but now I must finish my lunch and go wash the car.
You might want to wear an adult diaper, if the car is very far from a bathroom. That food poisoning trot can come on pretty fast…
Good luck.
So, did you yak yet?
I’m fine so far. I was raised on soviet food as a child though, so that might offer some protection.
Yes, I’d say that your stomach has a nice protective barrier.
Yeah it’s been quite some time and I have yet to experience any ill effects. We’ll know for sure later.