Without getting deeply into the Oedipus complex and Freud, I’m given to understand men marry women who remind them somehow of their mothers, and women marry men who remind them somehow of their fathers. I kind of understand how that works. I also know it’s not just looks, but how the prospective mate behaves - bossy, or kind. Snotty or nurturing.
What happens with a gay man? Does he also seek out partners who remind him of his mother - or his father? I used to be friendly with a gay man at work and he was simply mad for blond men, they were his ‘type’. A lot of them disappointed him in that they didn’t measure up somehow. Both his parents were very intellectual, and both were blond. It might be a simplistic question, but was he looking for his mother or his father in this fixation with blond haired men? Or was it something else completely, like he was ‘imprinted’ at an early age? I don’t want to say ‘fetish’, but blond hair was a must for my work friend!
I highly disagree that this is the case. I think you need to prove that first. I ended up with a man who was very different from my dad in many ways - diametrically opposite in some.
There seems to be a big assumption in that first article:
They are assuming a universal biological urge that most people go against, and then attributing that to adaptations. Could be just as likely the urge is not universal.
I think it’d be very difficult to prove or disprove the “seeking out a mate like your father” theory, because it’d be easy both to list the ways in which your mate is like your parent, and to list the ways your mate is not like your parent. They’ll probably both have a lot in common, and not have a lot in common. So if you want to say that your mate is like your parent, think of what they have in common. If you want to say your mate and your parent are not alike, think about how they’re different.
Not at all in my case . . . or in that of my partner. Neither of us bears significant resemblance to either of the other’s parents . . . neither physically nor any other way.
But there’s something strange, on my part: I have 100% Jewish ancestry, and my favorite “type” is people with stereotypical Jewish looks . . . dark features, elongated head shape, long narrow nose. The strange thing is that none of my relatives, including my extended family, have these features. I’m also attracted to very tall men, and there are none in my family. I have no idea where these preferences come from.
Based on my fiance and me, no way. He is NOTHING like either of my parents (thank god). I am nothing like either of his parents (a bit of their drive would be good for me though). If I met a guy like my dad, I’d run for the hills. Last thing I need in my life is another neurotic, arrogant, unfaithful (to women), opinionated, holier-than-the-Pope Catholic in my life.
My oldest sister’s first husband was creepily like our father. My middle sister has never chosen someone like our father but her first husband was worse than my father could ever be.
My father and my stepfather are about as far from my grandfather as it’s possible to be while still being the same species.
I think this is one of the occasions where I could cheerfully say “confirmation bias.” When you see someone marry a partner that looks like a parent you notice and go “uh-huh.” and fail to notice all the occasions where it didn’t happen.
I don’t really know the parents of most of my friends. I’ve met some and I might be able to recognize if they look vaguely the same as a spouse, but I couldn’t tell you what the parents are really like. The best I could do would be a superficial physical resemblance, or maybe profession.
I am not at all like my mother-in-law, so my husband most definitely didn’t marry me for that reason. And I’m not slamming her - she’s a very sweet lady whose life, choices, education, and temperament are in no way similar to mine, other than she went to high school in Indiana and I went to Purdue in Indiana. Nor are we remotely similar physically, apart from both being female.
My husband is roughly the height and build of my late dad, and every once in a while, he’ll do something that reminds me of my dad, which is weird, since they never spent a lot of time together. But in personality, interests, politics, and alcohol preferences, they were very different. In fact, thinking of the men my 3 sisters married, not a one is remotely like our dad, either in looks or in personality.
And the pushy bitch my brother is dating is meaner than our mother…
Well why didn’t my wife tell me that’s what she wanted? I better get right to boozing, doping, smoking and cheating, then. Of course, even with all that my FIL will probably outlive me.
I would only seek out someone like Mom so I could actively avoid speaking with her–as I do with Mom. So, no.
That said, I am superficially different from my father-in-law, but at our cores we are very similar–kind to a fault, a bit overweight, inquisitive, and unafraid of challenges. I’m also 13 years older than my wife, so there might be some Freud at work.
