I skimmed the other posts, and may have missed this, but it might be a good idea to host some family events of your own. Invite your mother, though, at least sometimes. If she doesn’t attend, you can honestly tell the other family members that you invited her.
Prior to and early into our marriage, my mother really disliked my wife and my MiL was always around helping. Now my mother is always happy to come out and help (despite living 400 miles away) and my MiL (around the corner) only cares to see the kids and only on her own terms with no regard for our own values and household rules.
We have decided that we are grown-ups now and our family really is just those who live under our roof and our priorities lie here and our control stops at the front door. Life’s not fair, but it’s not our place to fix it.