I’ll give someone old enough to be my parent a “hon” pass. The person who waits on me at a diner also gets one. But that’s it.
So you hate being addressed respectfully? You’re… weird to say the least. Do you happen to like señorita, or is that one also off?
Honestly it sounds to me as if many of you are imparting a meaning to these words that the users would never think of in a million years. “Hon” has no more meaning than “like” or “um.” I suppose given a certain drawn out tone it can be used sarcastically, but in general it’s just a conversational book mark for “I don’t know your name but am addressing you and need a word to refer to you here.”
It really strikes me as recreational outrage. There’s just no point to it. Why on Earth would you choose to get all upset about it? That’s an actual question, not rhetorical. What do you think that “Hon” means?
The same with “Ma’am.” It is not some sort of leetspeak for “You are an ancient old hag.” It is a generic term of respect for a female. Unless you are very obviously male there is simply no reason whatsoever to get upset about being called “Ma’am.”
I feel like this whole discussion came straight from the twilight zone. But then, I’m from Virginia, and this is how we do, I guess.
Bottom line, if you’ve been going through your life trying to insult people by calling them “Hon” or “Ma’am” I’m afraid you’ve been accidentally respectful.
Or, if the person does know your name, it can simply mean they hate repeating the same word too often; sometimes, they use one of those “filler names” rather than keep saying yours. There’s cultures/languages where someone would even be scolded for those repetitions (in Spain we’d say “¡que me vas a gastar el nombre!”, “you’re spending/using my name so much it’s going to get spent out”).
Can someone use what can be a filler or even a term of endearment or respect in a nasty way? Yeah, sure. I had a boss who called every woman “flower” and actually explained to a table full of women that he was never going to bother learn our names (one of us responded “you’re making me wish I was an actual skunk :p”, to general agreement). I personally dislike being called “princess”, but I also do know when the speaker is being an ass and when they’re just using a “generic positive term”; that I happen to find it irritating is neither their fault nor their problem.
Calling someone “hon”, especially in an informal environment when you don’t know a person’s name, does not seem offensive to me. It seems like a gesture of friendliness.
Women are more likely to use it, and they usually use it in a congenial manner when they have no idea what your name is. I’ve rarely heard men use it, but it’s easy to see where it would be difficult for most men to do that.
For example, you exchange friendly banter with a female worker at the lunch counter. You leave your keys on the counter. As you walk towards the door, she raises her voice and says, “Hey, hon, you forgot your keys”.
Another example: You trip over a threshold and take a tumble. A kind stranger helps you gather your things and asks, “Are you sure you’re not hurt, hon?”
I find it hard to be offended by friendly people who are attempting, perhaps clumsily, to inject a measure of friendliness or comfort into an impersonal interaction. I rather like it, as it denotes a willingness to be sociable.
I didn’t realize this was an old thread, lol. Some people say it with a certain tone and you just know they mean it condescendingly. That irks me. But most of the time people address me like that, it’s just really how they talk and they’re being friendly. So it’s all good.
God, yes. Don’t call me Hon. You are neither my mother nor my wife.
Cultures vary, and I do understand that many people mean no harm by it.
However, it is often used condescendingly. I’ve had (some years ago) a lawyer keep calling me ‘dear’ in a professional context. He’d have been furious if I’d called him ‘hon’ in response.
And the other problem is that it often doesn’t inject genuine friendliness into an impersonal interaction. The interaction is still impersonal, and quite possibly ought to be. It’s like clerks who’ve been told to repeat the customer’s name over and over (and very likely getting it wrong): it’s a fake friendliness, not the real thing, and the fakeness grates.
If I’ve been coming to the same diner for breakfast for seventeen years, and the person waiting tables has been working there for fifteen years, and that person calls me ‘hon’: maybe they mean it. If I’m travelling through a state I’ve never been in before, and I stop at a diner to eat, and they call me ‘hon’: I’m not going to jump up from the table and start shouting at them; or even to reduce the tip. But I’m not going to think that that person is my friend, either; or even that they’re feeling particularly friendly towards me. I’m going to think that the word is either a meaningless reflex, or something they think they have to say because the boss told them to, or they’re in hopes of increasing the tip; and I’m going to wonder what they have left to call people who they actually do love, if they call strangers by endearments.
And if somebody calls me ‘hon’ at the doctor’s office, I’m going to be significantly annoyed. Ditto if it’s somebody I just met at a party (possible exception if it’s an older woman with a Southern accent, in which case I’m going to figure it’s the meaningless reflex.)
Specific endearments. I know people who address half the world as “queen” and “king”, “gorgeous” and “handsome”, but there is a nick for their spouse which nobody else ever uses and which they would never use with someone who happens to share the same first name as the spouse. They may be the only person in the world who refers to that particular Judith as Judy, to that particular Jonas as Johnny; to everybody else it is Judith and Jonas and don’t you forget it.
Nothing wrong with Sir or Ma’am–if I feel that’s too formal I will provide my name and invite you to use it. Silly me assumes “Hon” is short for something, perhaps a pet name the full version of which is typically reserved for very close relationships or addressing small children, and as such is inappropriate for use between strangers of opposite genders. And yes, I AM wrapped that tightly. Can’t stand physical contact with strangers, either.
“But then, I’m from Virginia, and this is how we do, I guess.”
To be sure it’s just one of a thousand needles that keep me out of The South–pretending to be pals with people you know nothing about so you can disingenuously claim the civil high ground when someone gets cross. I like my passive aggression ice cold like they serve it up North. 
It doesn’t bother me.
I think I’m bothered more by the idea that people are always finding new ways to be offended.
I’ve been here for nearly 60 years and I can only recall one person calling me “Hon”. He was a salesman who came to my office once a week. He was originally from England. When I told him to quit calling me “hon”, he insisted that everyone in Texas does it. He was wrong. Very, very wrong.
I find it very easy to talk to people without calling them anything at all. Just talk to them. My mother went for nearly fifty years without calling her inlaws anything at all. They never told her whether to address them as Gerry and Wayne or Mr & Mrs Smith or mom and dad so she never called them anything at all.
Ah man, I was halfway down the page when I figured out this thread is from 2005. Since I didn’t reply the first time, No, it does not bother me a bit if someone calls me “hon.” Usually it is a clerk at a store or something, and they are just trying to be friendly. I am a bit less fond of ‘sir’, but would never call someone on it.
You just discovering that it offends doesn’t make the discovery new to everyone any more than Columbus finding America meant he was the first human to know it was there.
And “Offend” is a spectrum. “Hon” rates about a 2/10 for me. Well below 8/10 which is where we will find “The hugs of a stranger”.
It does bother me as I always think it sounds fake and condescending. I am from the south and use terms of endearment myself but hon or hun is not one of them. If I were going to I would at least say the entire word. Honey is OK.
Tranquila, reina.
To me, “hon” is campy unless it is coming out of the mouth of person of a certain age (or my parents). It’s not something I would ever say in a casual way, so when I hear someone else say, it is hard for me to not think they are being a try-hard. So yeah, “fake and condescending” sounds about right.
It happens so much I hardly notice it.
Agreeing with this.
I’ve been annoyed by endearments from strangers or casual acquaintances for probably fifty years now; and intermittently running into this sort of conversation for most of them.
And yes, that’s ‘annoyed’, not ‘running screaming from the room and calling the newspapers’. I also haven’t spent every minute of the past fifty years obsessing over this. The world is full of minor annoyances, and also full of minor moments of pleasure; not to mention of things that come in one of those categories for some people but in the other for others. Just be aware, those of you who are doing this, that there are cultural issues involved, and not everybody’s part of the same culture: so you may think you’re sounding friendly, but the person you’re saying it to may be thinking ‘ugh, not the fake ‘hon’ again.’ Or, I suppose, just as somebody might be finding out for the first time that many people are annoyed by it, somebody might be hearing ‘hon’ from a stranger/casual acquaintance for the first time, and be thinking either that you’re being deliberately insulting or that you’re seriously claiming an intimate friendship with them; or even ‘oh no! did I do something intimate with this person at that party at which I can’t remember what happened?’
I like a bit of softness in casual interactions, so it’s never bothered me when people use these terms, as long as they’re not condescending. It’s easy enough to sense when they’re being condescending, and amuse yourself by calling them Duckie or Dollbaby in return.