God damn it, I am NOT your sweetie pie!

The BBQ Pit
1

The world is full of people who think they’re a lot closer to me than the reality of the situation would admit–or at least I assume this is the case. I can’t come up with any other explanation for the fact that everywhere I turn someone is referring to me as “darling” or “honey” or “sweetie pie” or god knows what else.

And it pisses me off more every time it happens.

Let’s get this straight…If you know me from class, I am not your honey. If you’ve met me once or twice at department teas, I am not your darling. If you’ve only spoken to me via message board, I am most definitely not your sweetie pie.

Actually, it can be pretty well summed up like this: unless you either a) donated a portion of my genetic material or b) share my bed, you are not entitled to the use of an endearment when referring to me. Period. From this point forward, failure to adhere to this simple and straightforward guideline will result in one warning, after which all further offenses will be held against you in the most bitter of manners.

Well, okay…if I really, really like you I might tolerate it once in a while, but I still won’t appreciate it.

I’m not trying to keep you from being friendly. I don’t want you to feel that I’m rejecting your warm fuzzies. But you can do it without being so ridiculously presumptuous, I promise. I don’t start every third sentence with “honey”, even when I am consoling friends–and, strangely enough, people still seem to understand that I wish them the best. Surely you can learn as well.

Perhaps next time you’re tempted to use an endearment in conversation, you should ask yourself this question: Is this person really dear to me, in the most significant of senses?. If the answer is no, then please, in the name of all that is good, PUT THE WORD DOWN.

And if you use endearments condescendingly, well…just go away. Now. I have not the words, but if I did, they’d be mostly the four-letter kind.

2

Whatever you say sweetheart.

3

In retrospect, I should have seen that coming.

4

Why is this such a problem? I have never undestood people with attitudes like yours. People can (and sometimes do) call me all sorts of terms of affection or endearment and it doesn’t bother me in the slightest. In fact, I think it’s sweet. I’m sure you have your reasons, but whenever I hear complaining like this, I get the impression that the person in question is just looking for something to get pissed at. In your case, I sense an inflated ego - an almost celebrity-like aversion to people trying to get close to you simply because you’re so wonderful and you haven’t bestowed upon them permission to do so. You sound to me like you need to get over yourself, honey, and start to appreciate the kindnesses that people bestow upon you. Many people on the face of this planet never get to experience that kind of thing. You should be grateful for the fact that, for whatever reason, people seem to regard you so fondly instead of being resentful of it.

5

Some people use those terms with cheerfullness, and it can make you feel good.

Others, not so much…they use those terms, well, differently.

When a man uses those terms it’s 50/50 whether he’s freindly or just a jackass.

6

Aw, I slip endearments into casual conversation all the time: “All right, babe, let’s do this essay thing!” “Darling, your tag is out.” “Hey, foxy, what time for coffee?”

It never really struck me that it might bother some people. I always like it when people do it to me. And I like people…

7

Starving Artist–My post really wasn’t very clear, for which I apologize, and I’ll try again.

I have not generally encountered people who use these as terms of actual affection with a large number of people–while it would still ring weird with me personally, that would be a little more okay. I’ve honestly never come into contact with that behavior on a regular basis, though I believe it exists.

It’s hard for me to describe exactly the behavior I’m pitting; suffice it to say that it’s not one in which kindness is involved or in which I’m being regarded any more fondly than any other of the 6 billion plus individuals in the world. Often the use I’m referring to comes around when it’s time to Impart Wisdom. The jackass behavior spooje mentions also comes into play. The key point is that it assumes way more familiarity than is there–and yes, that bothers me, because it’s self-serving, vacuous, or both.

Now, I’ll cop to not always being the easiest person to get close to, but it’s not because I think I’m anywhere near being hot stuff (if you listen closely, you can hear me laughing at the thought). I’m just really introverted. I am not, however, in the habit of turning down genuine affection or kindness where it’s offered, no matter who it’s from–lord knows it comes along seldom enough. It just that…well, this isn’t affection, but it’s masquerading as affection. If that makes any sense.

Ah, shit. You know, maybe I just shouldn’t post when tired. It would save me from having to explain my own ill-conceived rants.

8

Y’know, it’s weird. Of those three, “darling” would sound kind of fake to me, “babe” would be mostly alright, and “foxy” is A-OK.

Maybe it’s just certain words that set me off into vitriol-spewing hag mode, leaving me to clean up my own embarrassing mess ten minutes later.

9

No problem. Now that you’ve explained it, I understand better. I thought you were referring to people who were basically stangers (you know…Wal-Mart greeters, cashiers, waiters and waitresses, random people on the street, that sort of thing), who you encountered casually, and that you resented their responding to you in the way you described. I can well understand your resentment if these terms are used condescendingly (in what you refer to as “imparting wisdom” situation).

It seems I was a little quick on the draw. Thank you for taking the time to explain. I hope you will accept my apologies for firing off a response without first taking the time to try to find out what you meant. Just last night I was talking to roger thornhill about how people rarely take what someone says the way they mean it, and here I am being guilty of it myself.

Regards,
SA

10

Hey, not a problem. The OP was…unclear. I can see how you’d read it as you did.

11

I can see where pasunejen’s coming from. You see, I’m female, short, and, apparently, cute. That mean some people aren’t necessarily going to take me seriously. In a professional situation, if someone calls me “Hon” or “Sweetheart” it can come across to me as inappropriate, especially if it’s said condescendingly. I’m not someone’s “Darling” or “Sweetheart”; I’m the computer tech who’s going to build them the easiest-to-use, most efficient database they’ve ever dreamed of, the tech who’s going to save their data and their neck, not to mention hours of work, or something similar. In a situation like that, “Goddess” is appropriate; “Hon” is not. :wink: In other situations, it doesn’t bother me unless someone is using it as a way to get too close. There’ve been a few times when old men, as in over 60, have tried to treat me in a way which was somewhat more than friendly or even daughterly.

On the other hand, I do admit to using “Lad”, “Lass” or similar terms when giving advice, especially if it’s to someone more than a decade younger than I am.

As I said, I can seepasunejen’s point.
CJ

12

But pasunejen!

Cuddle-cakes!

We only do it cause we wuv you!

:smiley:

13

I have this problem at work, being in a male-dominated industry. I had the following phone conversation the other day:
Customer: “I need to order a ST wiper, 3 and a half inches.”
Me: that’s not our part number, it belongs to another company “Ok, that’s our D wiper, right?”
Customer: “Sweetheart, you’re going to need to learn all of the part numbers of these things.”

:dubious:

Me: “Excuse me?”

Every hydraulic seal house uses different prefixes for the same parts. It’s inevitable that I do know what some of them are, even if they are not my part numbers. It’s not my job to know such things - in fact, it would be impossible to know all of the different part numbers from all of the other seal distributors. This jackass orders parts from us every other day using part numbers from 3 or 4 other houses, as well as our part numbers.

mumble, mumble, mumble…I should stop before I completely hijack your thread. :slight_smile:

Yes, it is extremely irritating to be called an endearment by someone who is being condescending.

In other cases, I feel like Tracy Lord, I always use endearments when talking to my friends, family and sometimes acquantainces, and I never mind hearing them from those with good intentions.

14

pasunejen I feel the same way. I don’t think those pet names have anything to do with affection, they are pure laziness. I worked with a woman who used pet names with everyone.
I told her as gently as possible that I prefered she use my name. She got quite angry, as she “didn’t have time to remember everyone’s name.”
Lazy bitch. It didn’t do any good she continued to call me “hon” and I continued not answering.

Now, I occasionally, call someone “sweetheart.” Usually a stranger often, in another car. No one who knows me ever wants to be callled sweetheart by me. They’d fear for their life and limb. :smiley:

15

My favorite was the judge when I worked at Immigration Court who could never remember the interpreters’ names, even the ones he’d worked with for more than ten years. Rumor has it he once called an interpreter, a 60-year-old grandmother of five, “Tutti-Frutti.” On the record, in open court. I can’t imagine how that looked to anyone reading the hearing transcript.

16

I suppose lamby toes is right out?

17

Just be glad you don’t live in the south.

18

Thanks Finn. I laughed out loud.

I actually argee with pasunejen for the most part. I’m from the northeast and live in the south now. People raised here seem to use “Hon” “dear” “sweetie” and others to strangers all the time. It surprised me at first but I see it as cultural and usually not ill intentioned.
My manager at work is a nice guy who does that. There are times when I’ve wondered if his use of the familiar with a customer is offensive to them. It’s so ingrained in his speech patterns that he occasionly refers to a male employee as sweetie which causes a little eye rolling.
Those times when an endearment is used in a condescending way can be agravating.
I think if it’s someone you encounter on a regular basis they should respect a polite request to not do it. The poster who described a co worker who simply refused to learn her name flabergasted me. In many states that would be considered harrassment. That seems petty though. Instead find a pet name for her {lazy bitch is nice but might be grounds for dismissal} one that is inoffensive but you’re sure she won’t like, and use it everytime she calls you hon.
In fact that could be loads of fun with people who use endearments without realizeing it. Use other inappropriate endearments and see if they catch on.

Waitress;“Can I get you something honey?”
Me; “Why yes snuggle bunny, I’ll have the Fish and chips”

My Manager" Well I’m sorry sweetie, but our policy is no cash refunds"
female customer " I realize that stud muffin, but couldn’t you make an exception in this case"

You know, I'll bet he would.
19

I have a friend from Bangladesh whose job involves going to different places all the time to do training. He has a habit of calling all women “dahling” and all men “my friend.” Of course, with his accent, it comes out sounding utterly charming, so he can get away with it, especially when he flashes that blazing smile of his. :smiley:

One time I teasingly asked his (American) wife if she was offended by his calling women “darling” like that, right in front of her. She laughed and said he uses “darling” and “my friend” because he has a hard time remembering all the Western names he encounters. I remember much the same feeling when we went to their little son’s birthday party and were “introduced” to a passel of their Asian friends. I tried mightily to remember all the names phonetically, but failed miserably.

20

I was once standing in line at a retail establishment, waiting for the cashier to ring me up. While I was standing in line, their phone rang, and another employee answered it. She kept calling whoever she was talking to “Baby doll.” And she said it about every third word: “Yes, Baby doll. I’ll do that, Baby doll. You too, Baby doll. Alright, Baby doll…”

I was still in line when she hung up the phone, turned to the other cashier, and said, “That was the corporate office…”

:eek: