Not that I doubt you…OK, I’m asking, so I guess I do, but do you really say that? Not that I don’t think it has a strange allure, but somehow I can’t picture it.
Of course, I’m the one who calls people “dear,” and it’s sarcastic for all but maybe four people.
Some years ago I realized that, in our family, use of a term like “sweetheart” or “honey” is a red flag. It usually prefaces either a dressing-down (“sweetheart, didn’t anyone ever tell you to put on the emergency brake when you park on a hill?”) (“Mother dearest, was it really necessary to permanently change the radio setting in my car from death metal to the oldies channel?”) or a request to perform something distasteful (“Angel-cakes, the toilet just backed up . . .”) or an urgent request (“Sweetie pie, get in gear, we leave in two minutes!”)
For actual affection we use much sillier names that no one in the outside world would ever think to call us.
On those lines, I was once told that in the Southern U.S., if someone says “Bless his/her heart. . .” it was akin to calling the him or her an idiot.
“Oh, he fell down and went boom, bless his heart.” or “He forgot to pay income taxes for the past 18 years, and now he’s in the Big House for 25 - 40, bless his heart.” I haven’t been to the South in awhile. Is it still true?
Tripler
Bless my heart.
Still true, at least here.
If you use a term of endearment on me, you had better be willing to sleep with me.
Would that include “Muffin”, Muffin?
I’m the youngest in a family of five siblings. I became aware at an early age that my siblings would use similar terms of endearment towards me wherever possible as a way of asserting superiority or establish dominance. If you’re introducing yourself to a group of strangers, nothing will deflate their respect for you faster than having a family member walk in and say “awwww, isn’t that cuuuuuuute!”
As an adult, I see this same sort of thing happen in professional environments, where terms of endearment aren’t in reality endearing in the least. They’re intended to reduce the recipient in the eyes of onlookers, or to establish dominance. It’s a pecking order thing - if they can make themselves look like they’re superior to you, or worse yet, make you believe that they’re superior to you, then they get to take advantage of you.
OTOH, there are plenty of people who mean these things sincerely. Or who say it in jest. The difference is easy to tell - which people are propping you up and making you feel better about yourself through how they relate to you? Or, like Finn, do they help you laugh at yourself when maybe you’re taking things to seriously? Those kind get a free pass. The rest… well, they set me off too.
Bless your heart, Tripler, you just don’t know what you’re missing, sugar*. :: bats eyelashes::
Seriously, yes, it’s true, and though I’ve tried to wean myself away from the outrageous Southern accent, I still fall into it when I’m around my family.
*Sugar is another one of those words/phrases. If you’ve ever read any of the G.R.I.T.S. books, you know “If you can’t say sugar like you mean it, honey, just don’t say anything at all.”
I’m probably the most anomalous of anomalies, but yes, I do! I also greet my roommate with “Good morning, starshine” and use a lot of “Hey, good-looking, _____________.”
I don’t mind it one bit when my friends talk like that to me, but if strangers try calling me “sweetie” I will probably respond as **cosmodan ** suggested.
I toss little endearments into casual conversation with my friends all the time. “Hey hot stuff, how did the biochem lab go?” Nobody’s ever said anything about it, and they mostly respond in kind. Obviously, if anyone wants me to stop, I will. And I only ever use that with close friends.
really?? Just to help me understand and primarily to help pasunejen make her point, how about forwarding some pics?
Thats a good one. Help me out people. Lets make a list of endearments we can use when strangers use the familar with us.
Cuddle cakes was a good one.
Aplle dumpling, and cupcake work. What else?
I like it.
Does it count that I call my male friends “sexy”? Because I do, probably far too often.
On Bill Engval’s southern comedy DVD, the Nashville-raised Korean guy makes this point.
“That is one UGLY baby, bless his heart.” You can say anything as long as you follow it up properly.
Although, to be fair, there are certain ‘southernisms’ which translate to “go fuck yourself.”
“Why I do declare!” = “Jeez you’re a moron, go fuck yourself.”
“Why, you don’t say?” = “Wow, you’re still a moron and you haven’t shut up. Go fuck yoruself.”
“Jeez Louise!”= “Die. Go fuck yourself and die you fucking fuck.”
Only certain people can get away with using terms of endearnment on me.
Isn’t what we’re talking about the use a term of familiarity by someone who isn’t close to us.
If my relationship with someone is strictly buisness then I wouldn’t use a familiar term. If I worked with someone and considered them a friend I might.
It’s the equivilent of a stranger standing too close while they’re talking to you. It feels like they are invading your space.
Isn’t that right pumpkin?
That’s it exactly, sugar boopums.
what about a term that isn’t really gender specific or condenscending? I’m in the professional work place, and words like “honey” “darling” etc are simply not appropriate when a male is addressing a female.
I tend to use “buddy” or “dude” for both men and women colleagues. “hey buddy how’s it going today?” BTW, I’m also very bad with people’s names. Often blank out at first, and when I do remember will drop it into the conversation later on. Would this irk your drawers or just the obviously daddy-daughter or couple kinda terms?
My rules are simple.
Everyone I’m sleeping with is “hey you”.
Everyone involved in my conception or birth is “folks”
Everyone related to me otherwise by blood is “go get me a beer kid”
All others are “assface”.
I get few complaints.
