Maybe it is a southern thing. Whether it’s a heartfealt “honey” or matter of rote “sweetie,” calling people by those nicknames is pretty meaningless to me. It’s usually working class women who call me that – secretaries and waitresses – and if they’re doing their job well, I don’t really acre.
The only way I’d find endearments like that annoying is if they were done to me patronizingly or dismissively. My personality is such that I’d take that for about 0.005 seconds before drawing it to the offender’s attention and getting redress.
/// off-topic /// Now – very occasionally, because I’m afrocentric and pro-black nationalist and Pan-Africanist and any other label you wanna throw at me as a certfied race man – I’ll run into some homeless guy who’ll see me rocking my daishiki or wearing my Malclom X pin and hit me up for a handout. When I ignore his trifling ass he’ll say, “Aw, c’mon, you not gonna do me like that are you – brother?” And leave the word “brother” kinda just hanging out there. GAH. That shit irks me to no end. Saying “brother” and “sister” isn’t an endearment or entitlement, so much as a heartfelt expression of greeting to like-minded individuals. I do not subsidize non-working alcolholic or otherwise drug-dependent able-bodied grown-ass men and hate hate hate hate when my ideology is thrown in my face with bums using the “brother” line. /// off-topic rant
Maybe part of it is personnel preference or what we percieve as respect. The term Buddy tends to irratate me if used repeatedly by someone who just refuses to try and learn my name. I suppose for them its just a substitute for a name and they mean no disrespect. One fellah I work with uses the term dude with customers all the time and it seems to work for him. I tend to go with sir. I work with the public and wish I was better at remembering names.
With women it’s trickier. Ladies, contribute. If someone doesn’t know your name whats the preferred expression of respect? MS?
I remember a waitress who once addressed me and my friend as “sweethearts.” I thought that was wierd.
I think I understand the heart of the OP. To me it’s about phony closeness. Most of the time I laugh it off. But sometimes it’s pretty awful. If I were a female, especially a cute female dealing with older guys I imagine I’d be pissed a lot.
I am 42, soon to be 43 (July and send presents, dammit!). I am STILL called “kiddo”. How in hell is that? God knows I can intimidate paint off walls, but to a certain age white man(60-ish)–I am “kiddo.” :rolleyes:
I am also called “hon” at work sometimes (docs never do it twice, but there is this one nursing supervisor…grrr). There is also the Puerto Rican case worker who calls me “mija” (dunno how to spell it, it’s pronounced mee-ha). I know from the Mexican ward clerk that that is a term of endearment between say a mother and a daughter. This one calls everyone “mija”. Whatever.
I never knew about the Southern put down while seeming to be charitable use of “bless her heart” and it used to irk me when my mom would say it about people she coudn’t stand. Then I learned about subtlety and am a better person for it.
For friends etc–I ocassionally call them lambkin, pumpkin, sweet pea, darling etc, but usually in a funny accent, bless my heart…
I call people ‘baby’ on a regular basis - people I know, that is.
For instance - “Hey bebe, how you doin’?” And then I launch into the actual point of my call and hilarity ensues. One of the faculty in my department is from Switzerland - he was rather confused.
For women, sometimes I use chick, or chicky - “Hey chicky - wanna get lunch?”
When I approach a group of women, I almost always say “Hey broads.” That usually goes over pretty well also.
Man, I kill me.
Anyhow - I don’t care what people call me, as long as the tone is friendly, I’m happy as a clam.
I hear “ma’am” a lot, but then again - I’m in Georgia. I think that some women in other parts of the US get highly offended at being called ma’am but it’s never bothered me at all. I was probably 3 years old the first time I was called ma’am, if that. It’s not an age thing down South, it’s a respect thing. So, if you are addressing a Southern girl, you can likely call her ma’am with no problem. Other women, I don’t know…I guess Ms would be ok, but I can’t speak for them.
But that’s because I can’t remember people’s names whatsoever. I’m not trying to be rude - nothing short of long-term repetition gets a name into my head. And even if I do know it, I have terrible (at least in real-life) social anxiety about speaking to anyone I don’t know. (For some reason it’s different on a message board )
My dad called the women in his office sweetie or honey, the men were all bud or buddy. He meant it as true terms of endearment because he actually liked them, all the many years they’d worked together. They called him buddy or mi’jo or whatever. Until one recently arrived dried up old #@%$!* complained that it was sexual harrassment (though my father called her Mrs. ____ because they were newly acquainted; she was complaining on the others’ behalf you see).
So my dad was instructed to call everyone by their names. The next monday everybody came in wearing “Hello, my name is ____” tags with sweetie, honey, or buddy, printed on the _____ line. Those sweeties were the best.
As spooje noted earlier, the key factor here (when mumbling possibly inappropriate affectations) is intent. And as noted, the intent seems to fall into two distinct obvious groups - that is, friendliness/respect vs condescension/offensiveness.
In my personal experience, if someone utters an affectation in the course of dialogue, I tend to quickly assess the intent in which it was used. If it was used as a form of respect or friendliness I accept it as such a immediately go with the flow. I absolutely DO NOT interpret it as an offence to my sensibilities.
However, if the affectation is used as a form of condescension or insult? Man, let me tell ya, you’re gonna get a really quick dose of “straight back atchya”. My favourite tactic is to immediately use the affectation as the opening words of my very next sentence… for example, let’s say the word “darling” was used as a form of insult?
I would immediately say something to the effect of “Well daaaaaaaaarling, unless you wanna see me get really angry, REALLY QUICKLY, you better dial back the smug condescension OK?”
