Does it bother you when aquantances call you "hon"?

[Kent_Clark]

@Buttercup_Smith

It does bother me as I always think it sounds fake and condescending. I am from the south and use terms of endearment myself but hon or hun is not one of them. If I were going to I would at least say the entire word. Honey is OK.

Bless your heart!

[fedman]

@Draelin

I’m from New Jersey, and I frequent diners. All diner waitresses call you “hon,” and I’ve learned to live with it. I have no problem when someone uses a nickname like that, unless, of course, it’s an obviously drunk homeless guy with no teeth, or something.

Sober, normally-dented homeless guys can, naturally, call me whatever they want.

What bothers me is being called “ma’am”. I don’t think I’m old enough for a “ma’am.” And not too long ago, I dropped my scarf in the mall, and some teenager came up and said “Hey lady, you dropped this.” I have never felt so old.

You’re upset because a teenager treated you with respect??? What form of address should he have used?

[fedman]

@Draelin

I’m from New Jersey, and I frequent diners. All diner waitresses call you “hon,” and I’ve learned to live with it. I have no problem when someone uses a nickname like that, unless, of course, it’s an obviously drunk homeless guy with no teeth, or something.

Sober, normally-dented homeless guys can, naturally, call me whatever they want.

What bothers me is being called “ma’am”. I don’t think I’m old enough for a “ma’am.” And not too long ago, I dropped my scarf in the mall, and some teenager came up and said “Hey lady, you dropped this.” I have never felt so old.

being a lady was never meant to be age=related, but referred to being classy

[Inigo_Montoya]

@fedman

being a lady was never meant to be age=related, but referred to being classy

Welll……a 14 y/o isn’t usually referred to as a lady. Nor is an 18 y/o unless she’s obviously a mom, maybe. And even then it’s more a function of perceived maturity than age. And since age isn’t tattooed on you, “Lady” starts coming at you when you look like you are clearly well over 18. Now, a mature female is always a woman (except when not, but I’m not going down the nonbinary rabbit hole), but there is an argument to be made for a lady being a classy woman. I’m not sure what a broad is tho. I wanna say a non-classy woman, but then there’s classy broads, so.

• sigh * I’m not sure that could have been any more offensive. Actually it could’ve but I’m not suicidal.

[Bonnie14]

I am not bothered by it at all. It is an affectation of folks from the south. The area I live in has a lot of folks from the south (Ohio) and I have heard this most of my life. I have also heard ‘sweetpea’, ‘darlin’ and ‘pumpkin’. Its all good.

As an aside, I have never understood why some women don’t like the whole “Ma’am” thing. It just never bothered me, ever. (I’m 56, thank you very much).

[TruCelt]

@thorny_locust

Cultures vary, and I do understand that many people mean no harm by it.

However, it is often used condescendingly. I’ve had (some years ago) a lawyer keep calling me ‘dear’ in a professional context. He’d have been furious if I’d called him ‘hon’ in response.

Now, that would annoy me. There are obvious variations of tone and situation which make it inappropriate.

@Inigo_Montoya

Nothing wrong with Sir or Ma’am–if I feel that’s too formal I will provide my name and invite you to use it. Silly me assumes “Hon” is short for something, perhaps a pet name the full version of which is typically reserved for very close relationships or addressing small children,
. . .
“But then, I’m from Virginia, and this is how we do, I guess.”
To be sure it’s just one of a thousand needles that keep me out of The South–pretending to be pals with people you know nothing about so you can disingenuously claim the civil high ground when someone gets cross. I like my passive aggression ice cold like they serve it up North.

OK, so I think I can put your mind at rest. When the waitress asks “Would you like fries with that, Hon?” She is by no means calling you by a pet name or implying that you are a small child. Nor is she pretending friendship with you. She’s only trying to ascertain whether you, in particular, would like some french fried potatoes served to you today.

The war you are fighting is all in your own private head, so you can make it stop at any time.

@thorny_locust

Agreeing with this.

I’ve been annoyed by endearments from strangers or casual acquaintances for probably fifty years now; and intermittently running into this sort of conversation for most of them.
. . .

Why not, instead, simply stop insisting upon thinking of it as an endearment when it clearly isn’t intended that way?

@Kent_Clark

Bless your heart!

I always say that if there’s no “well” in front of it, the situation may still be recoverable. A long, drawn-out “Weeeellll, Bless your Heeaaarrrttt.” is the true declaration of war.

[Ulfreida]

Just don’t call me girlfriend. Unless you are in fact a male homosexual who is on fire, then you are allowed.

[actualliberalnotoneofthose]

I’m from Maryland. So, no.
I’m much more annoyed if someone tells me to “have a blessed day,” but even that really doesn’t reach the level of me caring too much.

[thorny_locust]

@TruCelt

OK, so I think I can put your mind at rest. When the waitress asks “Would you like fries with that, Hon?” She is by no means calling you by a pet name or implying that you are a small child. Nor is she pretending friendship with you. She’s only trying to ascertain whether you, in particular, would like some french fried potatoes served to you today.

OK, so let’s try this:

Suppose the waitress has a much beloved child, who’s sitting in jail waiting for their trial to be held, with a long prison term at risk. (For purposes of this example, it doesn’t matter whether they’re innocent or guilty.)

And suppose the person who may or may not want french fries is the (male) judge who’s going to hear the case.

Does the waitress call him “hon”?
– I’ve said before in this thread that I understand it’s an automatic reflex in some people to call strangers or casual acquaintances “hon” or “dear” or similar things in some circumstances; and that I understand that it’s neither deliberately condescending, nor deliberately intended to imply a familial or friendship relationship that doesn’t exist. But very often the automatic-reflex things going on in people’s heads – and I include my own head in that – indicate something significant; and sometimes the something significant is less pleasant than it may appear on the surface.

@TruCelt

The war you are fighting is all in your own private head, so you can make it stop at any time.

The overall “war” is most definitely not all in my own private head. This particular manifestation of it I certainly wouldn’t call a “war”. It’s a skirmish at most; and one that I often don’t bother engaging in.

[Inigo_Montoya]

@TruCelt

OK, so I think I can put your mind at rest. When the waitress asks “Would you like fries with that, Hon?” She is by no means calling you by a pet name or implying that you are a small child. Nor is she pretending friendship with you. She’s only trying to ascertain whether you, in particular, would like some french fried potatoes served to you today.
>snip<
Why not, instead, simply stop insisting upon thinking of it as an endearment when it clearly isn’t intended that way?

So I can call someone sexyass, as long as I don’t mean anything by it, and it’s totally cool? I don’t imagine so. You know, well into the 70s it was fairly commonplace for dudes to refer to women they didn’t know as ‘sweetie’ and other such. They didn’t mean anything by it, they were just being friendly and nobody seemed to mind. Until one day when it was the opposite of totally cool. I’m not going to start traveling the nation’s backwaters and boldly correcting every waitress & cashier who whips out the ‘hon’, but I’m also not going to pretend it’s not a subtle power play to try an manipulate me into being friendlier than I want to be.

@actualliberalnotoneofthose

I’m much more annoyed if someone tells me to “have a blessed day,” but even that really doesn’t reach the level of me caring too much.

Ugh. That one grinds my gears even more than “Hon”. As if I get to decide whether or not some god is going to randomly bestow grace upon me.

[Lucas_Jackson]

Male checking in. Checkers, cashiers and saleswomen call me hon and sweetie frequently. Doesn’t bother this southern gentleman one bit.