Does the Butt Clean Itself?

[TSBG]

Thanks Colibri and Qadgop. I actually knew about the transfer of colonic bacteria due to the whole general midsection having a bacterial presence, but somehow the idea of eating shit revulsed me so much I forgot that this is going on all the time.

[Mijin]

If you’re someone who:

1. Showers, not bathes
2. Is sexually active

I would say you should wash daily back there. Even if it were true that the ass cleans itself, and people in bygone times were happy with that, in the modern world fecal odors (let alone streaks on the bed :eek:) are a big turn off.

I keep a separate sponge just for the purpose of washing between the cheeks. (I use a gentle soap and throw out the sponge regularly, obvs)

Warning: the preceding information and thread is TMI

[Guinastasia]

@nelliebly

Romans didn’t bathe every time they pooped: they had communal latrines and used a communal sea sponge on a stick to clean their anal areas. These were kept in vinegar (the sticks, not the anal areas–though that’d explain why anuses are puckered.) Some Middle Age folks used an angled wooden scraper. Royalty sometimes used rosewater and wool. One lucky SOB got the job of wiping the king’s butt. On a related note, in many castles, latrines were located near garderobes because the stench supposedly deterred moths.

As for early hominids, we’ve found coprolites (fossilized feces) in known settlement areas, but no specialty tools for anal cleansing AFAIK. They most likely used grasses, leaves, stones, or the ever-available finger.

The Greeks used pottery shards. I’m not sure if it’s true, but I’ve read they sometimes wrote the names of their enemies on the shards before using them. I guess some people were just unpoopular.

I don’t have an unhealthy interest in the topic; it’s just when I taught world history, kids often wanted to know about potty habits in different times.

Really does make you grateful you live in the modern era, doesn’t it?

[Sage_Rat]

@nelliebly

The Greeks used pottery shards. I’m not sure if it’s true, but I’ve read they sometimes wrote the names of their enemies on the shards before using them. I guess some people were just unpoopular.

That seems like it would get rather laborious while squatting.

If true at all, then I think they would write on the pottery before it shatters, which would imply that they bought purpose-crafted earthenware for using as a wiping/scraping implement post-shattering, wrote on it, and then shattered it.

That sounds plausible to me, in that form, but I would expect to find caches of really poor quality earthenware that has some sort of fragmentation design (like a traditional pineapple grenade) to make it more likely to split into appropriate-sized chunks, in the archaeological record, and I’m not aware of such a thing at the moment (though, this is also the type of pottery that wouldn’t last as long and wouldn’t look good in a museum).

[Colibri]

@Sage_Rat

That seems like it would get rather laborious while squatting.

I don’t know why you would think that, given the amount of graffiti in modern toilet stalls. (And squatting isn’t that uncomfortable, especially if you are used to it. Lots of people in traditional cultures squat to rest rather than sitting down.)

[Beckdawrek]

@Sage_Rat

That seems like it would get rather laborious while squatting.

If true at all, then I think they would write on the pottery before it shatters, which would imply that they bought purpose-crafted earthenware for using as a wiping/scraping implement post-shattering, wrote on it, and then shattered it.

That sounds plausible to me, in that form, but I would expect to find caches of really poor quality earthenware that has some sort of fragmentation design (like a traditional pineapple grenade) to make it more likely to split into appropriate-sized chunks, in the archaeological record, and I’m not aware of such a thing at the moment (though, this is also the type of pottery that wouldn’t last as long and wouldn’t look good in a museum).

Shatters in the Shitters. Hmmmm?

[Sage_Rat]

@Colibri

I don’t know why you would think that, given the amount of graffiti in modern toilet stalls. (And squatting isn’t that uncomfortable, especially if you are used to it. Lots of people in traditional cultures squat to rest rather than sitting down.)

In modern times we have ballpoint pens. Though I do realize that I was assuming that people would be using one-shard-per-scrape which is probably not correct. If you’re going to use the same implement for a few passes, then scribbling on it while you’re still pooping might make sense. If you’re picking up a new shard and scribbling on it between scrapes, that seems like more work than it’s worth.

[Colibri]

@Sage_Rat

In modern times we have ballpoint pens. Though I do realize that I was assuming that people would be using one-shard-per-scrape which is probably not correct. If you’re going to use the same implement for a few passes, then scribbling on it while you’re still pooping might make sense. If you’re picking up a new shard and scribbling on it between scrapes, that seems like more work than it’s worth.

This being the Dope, perhaps I may suggest some experiments might be in order?

[Beckdawrek]

Wouldn’t broken shards be sharp? I think leaves would feel better. Maybe even a handful of dirt.

ETA No. I won’t be experimenting.

[Qadgop_the_Mercotan]

Rabelais listed a number of his preferred bumwipes in his literary work Gargantua.

He felt a goose neck was best. Beyond that, he had this to say:

"Afterwards I wiped my bum, said Gargantua, with a kerchief, with a pillow, with a pantoufle [slipper], with a pouch, with a pannier, but that was a wicked and unpleasant torchecul [bottom-wiping experience]; then with a hat. Of hats, note that some are shorn, and others shaggy, some velveted, others covered with taffeties [pieces of taffeta], and others with satin. The best of all these is the shaggy hat, for it makes a very neat abstersion of the fecal matter.

More of his ratings may be found in the link. But here’s a few more quotes on the topic:

“But, to conclude, I say and maintain, that of all torcheculs [bottom-wiping experiences], arsewisps, bumfodders, tail-napkins, bunghole cleansers, and wipe-breeches, there is none in the world comparable to the neck of a goose, that is well downed, if you hold her head betwixt your legs. And believe me therein upon mine honour, for you will thereby feel in your nockhole a most wonderful pleasure, both in regard of the softness of the said down and of the temporate heat of the goose.”

[Beckdawrek]

Was the goose alive? Ho-ly shit! Er…I mean, I am astounded!

[TSBG]

@Beckdawrek

Was the goose alive? Ho-ly shit! Er…I mean, I am astounded!

Based on the described warmth of the goose, I assume it was alive. However, you do realize the whole thing is an extended poop joke?

[kenobi_65]

@TSBG

However, you do realize the whole thing is an extended poop joke?

Yeah, we had to read Gargantua and Pantagruel in a comparative literature class in college. It’s…different. Ribald, totally over-the-top, and very weird. 35 years later, the only part of it I really remember is the chapter about butt-wiping.

[Beckdawrek]

@TSBG

Based on the described warmth of the goose, I assume it was alive. However, you do realize the whole thing is an extended poop joke?

Maybe.

[Isamu]

In days of yore when folks were poor
one had to be pragmatic
We’d wipe our tush
with a lavender bush
which left them aromatic.

[Turnip_Shepherd]

@kenobi_65

Yeah, we had to read Gargantua and Pantagruel in a comparative literature class in college. It’s…different. Ribald, totally over-the-top, and very weird. 35 years later, the only part of it I really remember is the chapter about butt-wiping.

Did you ever finish your PhD in defecation?