So I’m sitting here reading threads and cooking supper and feeding the dog and stuff like that, and they’re watching Xena Warrior Princess in the living room, and I hear this guy say, “I am Lucifer, the celibate arch-angel…” and I go, “Whaaaaat???” And the rest of the Xena plot isn’t important (the Devil has evidently come down to earth not so that he can seduce Xena, but so that Xena can seduce him–I don’t get it either; now they’re talking about how “the soul of an archangel belongs to his god”).
Anyway–I immediately wondered, “Does the Devil have sex? And if so, with whom?” Because, you see, all those Christian pre-marital counseling people stress the fact that since God created sex, and everything God created is good, therefore sex is good. “The marriage bed is undefiled” and all that. So if the Devil is only allowed to do evil things, then he wouldn’t be allowed to do sex. Right? At least, not good sex. Only bad sex. So who would this be with? And what would it be like? If you’re the Devil and you’re having bad sex…
And yes, I did see the South Park movie, so I’m aware that one possible answer would be, “Saddam Hussein”.
I’ll be back later, I have to go drain the spaghetti…
According to the film the Omen III, the big D has sex, but only unnatural. In the case of the film, um, back door delivery for the unfortunate woman.
This does pose the problem where the Spawn of Satan really comes from. And this spawn does exist: they live right next door to me.
In Rosemary’s Baby the devil rapes and impregnates Mia Farrow (did I spoil this film for anyone now?), so that can be classified under “Not Nice”.
And with ‘bad sex’, do you mean evil sex or lousy sex? Please elaborate.
If we’re talking “sex as not approved by the church”, there’s a lot of fun to be had as the devil. IIRC the pope only condones sex within marriage, for the purpose of procreation. Not just for fun, heaven forbid you’d introduce a vegetable or a kitchen appliance.
If I were the Devil, I’d screw the lot of you. But for some really naughty sex I’d visit Linda Fiorentino and Sean Young with some garden peas and a couple of spatulas.
But the really interesting question is, of course, why on god’s green (the parts that still are) earth would anybody be watching Xena?
In The Straight Dope ( http://www.straightdope.com/classics/a1_061.html ) Cecil reported that “Medieval theologians posited the existence of ‘incubi,’ demons who had intercourse with women while they slept (the ‘succubus’ is the equivalent for males). Witches claimed to have had intercourse with the devil in this way, and were frequently put to death on account of it.”
I’m not sure what you’re admiting that you’ve done, DDG, but we haven’t had a good stake burning for awhile…
Really? I mean, I thought now that it was okay for people who are married to have sex for any reasons…
I mean, does that mean once a woman hits menopause, they can’t have sex? That’s ridiculous!
Well, one thing I know for sure, the second I get married I’ll probably be ripping off my husband’s clothes…I’ve stayed pure for marriage and once I get married I want sex sex sex as much as I want, dammit!
As for the OP, I’d say Elvira. She seems like a good match for Satan.
The devil doesn’t have sex! He’s too busy getting it on with his golden fiddle in the shower. He engages in unsavory unwholesome masturbatory behavior.
Perhaps he seduced the Whore of Babylon?
I don’t know. Was that original enough for the boards?
Cause unlike that jerk Adam he lets her get on top.
(In case anybody doesn’t know the story, Lilith was Adams first wife, who, rather than be confined to Adam’s unimaginative lovemaking (missionary position only apparently) turned into a demon and disappeared in a puff of smoke. If only we all had that option for getting out of a bad relationship.)
“Draining the spaghetti” is Midwest-speak for “pouring a pot of boiling water and pasta into a colander in the sink and having it all slosh out the sides of the colander into the sink and then serving frozen pizza for supper”.
Although I understand that in North Dakota it means the same thing as “manual stimulation and relief of pressure in the male sex organ”, NoDaks being famous for their talent for the half-mast relief of pressure in the male sex organ. It’s because of the constant 60 below zero weather; young NoDak males learn early on to “do it quick before it freezes off”.
My sister lives in Helena, which is how I know ALL about NoDaks.
Well, if the movie Dogma is any guide, the Devil sleeps with no one…
“Angels are ill-equipped”
Of course, barring that interpretation of angelic sexual prowess, I’d say that being the second-most powerful being in all of Creation and evil to boot means the Devil probably engages in non-Church-sanctioned intercourse with whomever the hell he or she wants to.
And here I thought I was clever.