Either way, the points are:
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Partners, like good spouses are supposed to be, don’t answer to each other in that way- your wife doesn’t get to reserve judgment and demand you re-do the laundry because it doesn’t meet her standards. She can do it herself if her standards are so very different than yours.
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If someone’s responsible for it, they are responsible for it. And as a partner, you have to trust that they’re doing it adequately. Maybe that requires a discussion of why she doesn’t like the way you do the laundry- she wants fabric softener, you don’t like it. Meet in the middle- maybe do it on everything except towels or something like that.
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If someone feels like they have to “check up” on the other person and then starts griping about their mental load or whatever, they have a lack of trust/issues with control for some reason. They’re not allowing that other person to be responsible- they’re directing and demanding, and all that stuff. Sometimes when you give stuff up and trust others to do it, it’s not going to be done how you might want or expect.
And you have to be ok with that, or you have to be ok with having to direct them, and basically be responsible yourself.
That’s what I see a lot is people who are very particular about something, expect their spouses to conform to what and how THEY want something done, then gripe when their spouse does one of two things- refuses to do it that way at all, or requires excessive direction and hand-holding to get it done the way the first person wanted.