Moving-in-together issues I had not thought of

In My Humble Opinion
1

I can imagine there would need to be a compromise if you both like to sleep on the same side of the bed, or if one of you has to use an alarm clock to wake up, while the other springs out of bed without any electronic assistance. But what about things like…toilet paper?

Let me explain. My boyfriend and I were in the store last weekend because I needed to pick up a few things. We were in the paper products aisle because I needed some toilet paper. As I pondered whether to get the four-pack or twelve-pack (the latter would take much longer to run out, but the only place in my apartment that would fit the spare rolls is the bedroom closet), he advised me to get the brand he uses. I don’t happen to like that brand, but use it at his place, because the alternatives are either not going to the bathroom at all (and risking horrors I do not care to mention) or bringing my own, which seems a bit strange.

Now, we are nowhere near the moving-in-together stage, assuming we ever reach that point, but things like this make me wonder what kind of weird things couples must compromise upon when they decide to share a domicile.

2

Here’s one to consider. Are you and your partner compatible snooze-wize?

My wife needs 4-6 snoozes in the morning to get up.
I get up when my alarm goes off the first time.

When we both had to be up at a similar time, it was difficult on both of us. She cut down, I endured either getting up earlier than neccesary, or laying in bed cringing at each subsequent snooze.

Luckily, I have to get up and out of bed before her first alarm goes off, so it’s not an issue.

3

I hope this doesn’t sound sexist, but I think, when it comes to TP; it should be lady’s choice. Hell, y’all use more of it than we do.

Me and my (ex)wife used to always get into it about buying “fat free” or “sugar free” crap from the grocery store. I hate that crap and she lives by it.

4

We got separate alarm clocks (and now use separate rings on our phones). It’s surprising how quickly you can learn not to hear the other one.

For toilet paper, if you have 2 bathrooms I’d stock one with one and the other with the other, and then you could use the one you liked better.

Otherwise, I’d say keep trying other brands until you find one you like. Talking these things out brings a couple closer.

5

Right, but certain male conditions (hair) can mean that certain qualities aren’t just an arbitrary preference, they are a necessity. This is why you have to talk these things out!

6

Lots of food issues. What one person’s picky about that the other likes. One person liking more natural products and the other liking Cool Whip and Kraft Mac & Cheese.

The kind of laundry detergent you use (because the smell can linger, this one is BIG for me. I hate Tide and the smell of it sticks in your clothes so you smell it all day while you’re wearing them.)

What you watch on tv/how much tv you watch.

The kind of movies you watch/put on your Netflix queue.

7

Just remember, you are the woman. You hold a certain, how shall we say, trump card. Enough said.

:wink:

8

Get one of those free-standing toilet paper holder doohickies so you can both be happy.

Everything else is a learning process.

9

Toilet paper under/over was an issue for us for a while. Finally I just let him win, and in our current place, it does make sense (the roll holder is so close to the toilet that under makes it hard to get at the end; over is easier to grab.)

Brand of toothpaste was another one. We never did find a compromise, and so our bathroom has three toothpastes: Tom’s of Maine for him, Colgate Total for me and Kid 1 and Crest for Kids for Kid 2.

Sleeping with the bedroom door open or shut was another unforeseen debate. I was raised in an open door home, he was not. As with most of this stuff, he cares more than me and so I gave in.

I hid skim milk in the 2% jug for about 6 months before I let him in on my secret. I had to, because he picked up a jug of actual 2% at the store and spit it out, believing it had gone bad. I had to fess up that I’d weaned him to skim when he wasn’t looking.

One that you’ve probably thought of, but bears repeating: grunge level. Everyone has a level of clutter/filth that they’re perfectly happy living in. Living in a place with a grunge level that’s more than about two steps removed from yours, in *either *direction, is very stressful. If you’re within two grunge levels, you’ll be fine with a little compromise and grumbling. If you’re wide apart, the messier of the two of you will have to figure out if your grunge level can be adjusted and the cleaner of the two will seriously be behooved to look into housekeeper services.

10

Toothpaste flavor. When my wife and I foirst got together both of us were pretty broke so we bought a single tube. I am a pretty standard mint guy, she liked the cinnamon. I think it’s kind of like brushing your teeth with a gummi bear.

As for toilet paper, I am glad we like the same brans, the Cottonelle. We tried their Ultra once and it was like wiping your ass with a quilt.

11

That’s the kind he uses! I described it as “like wiping your ass with a blanket,” and he was not pleased.

12

And worse than the stink, some detergents itch!
After several years of never being able to find the tape, I discovered my SO had a different idea of where the tape should live than I did. We now have several tapes stashed around the house.

13

Froodian slip? :smiley:

14

Oh, if you want to see a couple trying to compromise over stupid crap you never thought of before, you should come over to my house. My husband and I are opposites in many ways, and we’ve disagreed over all of the following at some point:

Room temperature
Clutter
Whether curtains/blinds should be open or closed at certain times of the day
Volume of the tv/stereo
How to do laundry and how often
How much to rinse dishes before they go in the dishwasher
How to stack dishes in the dishwasher/dish drainer
Whether or not to close the shower curtain after a shower
Potpourri/Candle usage
Room decor
Frequency of using the Snooze button
When and how much to feed the cats

And there’s a billion more too. Even if you think you’re an easygoing person, you’d be amazed at what seemingly inconsequential things people can diasgree over. It’s a learning experience to say the least.

We’ve never fought over the old cliche of leaving the toilet seat up, though. :wink:

15

Which is why I only use Tide (with downy) I love the smell of my clothes. Guess I won’t be moving in with you.

16

Ice cube trays. Empty into a bucket, or take as needed?

Disagreement on that is a case of domestic violence just waiting to happen.

17

Thank you. You’ve reminded me of possibly the funniest web page I’ve ever read. I give you: Things My Girlfirend and I Have Argued About

It may not be funny at first, but keep reading. If Mil hasn’t spilled gravy on the table yet keep going.

I laugh myself to tears every time I read it.

Grunge is the biggie I think, but it can hit in unexpected ways. I can withstand any amount of clutter, but everything has to be very clean. Celtling’s Dad (CD) would eat a steak after lifting it from a puddle of dog vomit, but if I left the toaster out on the counter the kitchen was “an unbearable mess.” He had absolutely no concept of germs and how they spread.

Witness the three week battle of me trying to get him to wear socks and keep the cream on his feet while battling athlete’s foot. The Celtling was learning to crawl on that floor for crissakes! He felt that the germs would stick to his feet because “that was their habitat” and besides “the envirnoment would do them in pretty quick anyway.” In his universe, “apply cream morning and evening for ten days” actually means “apply cream anytime TC screams about it.”

Also, you have to avoid false dichotomies. There is no reason at all why you can’t have two tubes of toothpaste. This principle applies in most cases, though you may not realize it. You are also probably not the only couple whose had this problem, and someone out there has merchandised a solution. http://www.amazon.com/Toilet-Holder-Magazine-Bronze-InterDesign/dp/B000W4E5TG/ref=pd_sim_dbs_k_3

Where the coffee mugs are stored. I think it is perfectly obvious that the coffee, filters, mugs, etc. belong in the cabinet directly above the coffee maker. CD felt that all drinking apparatus needed to be in the same cabinet, and the water glasses had to be by the sink. Strangely though, he refused to put them there when emptying the dishwasher, preferring instead to load dishes randomly into the cabinet nearest the dishwasher, then move to the next closest one. this resulted in a two-hour search everytime I needed a particular pot or casserole.

Another really major one is sleeping temperature. He grew up in an old uninsulated house on the top of a mountain, in New Jersey. They didn’t heat the upper floor. :eek: CD enjoyed breaking up the thin ice in the toilet when he peed each morning. :confused: He refused to consider that this may have been a poverty-driven decision, and stuck by his parent’s rationalization that flu viruses etc. couldn’t survive the cold so it was healthier. Fortunately the pediatrician broke that particular wall down for me.

Also, when you move in together it probably won’t be on the same day. MOVE YOUR STUFF IN FIRST! He took up every closet in the place, then when it came time to compromise on space, mine was the stuff we were bumping our shins on while his rusted out cub scout camping gear took up the entire closet in the den.

But seriously, just don’t fall in love with an @$$ and you’ll be fine. :wink:

18

Ohhhh yes. Indeed! Excellent advice.

This strategy has worked well for us with several key items, including staplers, scissors, tape measures, and Sharpies. Sadly it isn’t helpful with things you really only want one of, such as big-ass colanders. Part of our problem is that both of us, but my husband in particular, are always thinking about better places to put things or how to organize them. I’m never sure where the liquid measure might be *this *time.

Because this is true, I make a daily effort to let as many things go as I can. I know my husband does this, too; we even mentioned it in our wedding vows. Neither of us can stand the bickering that seems to be normal for many couples. I still manage to get piqued by a few things; I think the last time was when I asked him to please, please flush the toilet *all the way *or not flush it at all (it’s a hold-the-handle-down type deal). Why should this bother me? Well, you know, toilets, hygiene, wasting water; I have issues underlying this. If it’s just that I might have to look in three drawers and a cabinet before I find the liquid measure, it’s just annoyance, and I can let annoyance go. I don’t need things my way all the time.

Besides which, I know that most of my husband’s quirks come from his being an absent-minded professor type. There is no speck of “I can’t be bothered” or “eh, wife will take care of it” in him; he genuinely just doesn’t realize he left the milk on the counter.

19

Ah, but this can only be used so much before the man pulls his own trump card. :smiley:

20

TruCelt, I had that site in mind. If I disagreed with someone that much, though, I don’t think the relationship would survive.