My wife is insanely jealous and for years I have had to modify my life and “edit out” references to women. She snoops when she can, but I have changed all my passwords and no longer log into anything on the PC she has access to. It is indeed (as Loach says) a wonderful way to live. I recently moved out in preparation to file for divorce and in all the fighting I had to laugh when she said I would be in biiiiiiggggg trouble if I went on any dates or had sex with anybody. As though I would come crowing to her about my conquests!
I never once had an interest in her online life, email, phone records or passwords.
I shared an email account with my ex and never even thought of snooping through messageboards or what have you. nor did he snoop through mine.
However, one day I idly picked up his cell phone with the idea of seeing how he had me listed in his contacts list ( by my name, the wife,the ball and chain…) and found proof positive he was having an affair. I was so shocked I never did find out how I was listed in his phone.
I am happily divorced and that is the way my ex wife was even though I wasn’t cheating on her and had no interest in other women except as an aesthetic idea. She had her positive traits but she was never the intellectual. She went through everything I owned including my computer whenever I was out of the house and then questioned me on it. I am not talking about big stuff, she even gave a strict prohibition for the SDMB because she didn’t understand it and thought I should be doing anything else instead especially scrubbing floors or serving her in some unknown capacity.
Divorce is worth it in those circumstances. You are basically just buying your way out of slavery. What is that worth? The answer is everything. You will be better off for it as long as you handle it as amicably as possible.
Not at all. He listens to music on his iPad and that’s it. He had to have an email account at work, but I read all the emails and answered them. He knows there is something called Facebook that I do, but he has no interest.
In short, I see everything of his and he sees nothing of mine. If he expressed interest, I’d show him, but I do so much online that he would be overwhelmed and never ask again.
Nope. My wife & I send each other stuff on Facebook all the time. In fact I’ve said several times she is welcome to browse through my stuff anytime she wants (phone, email, Facebook etc.) She’s never asked.
Emails, phone, chats - No, and I don’t check his either. Like others have said, we probably could if we wanted to. We both know how the other tends to choose passwords, but there’s just no interest.
We both post here, so we see most of those posts. We sometimes share stuff to each others Facebook pages, but not that often.
Shagnasty-
It’s like our ex and my wife are twins! She always bitches me out for anything I enjoy if she doesn’t get the appeal, Straight Dope included! Says it’s a huge waste of time. Meanwhile she spends all day on Pinterest and Ebay…
I’ve long since learned to pretty much not talk to anyone online, or in real life, as it is easier that way.
So you’re a mute, then?
As to the OP, no. I am very open with her about the fact that i spend the vast majority of my time online among one of three sites: this site, facebook and a general discussion board called “The Straight Dope”. After a bit of convincing, she decided to join this site. That way, she could not just see but be a part of my online presence. And of course we’re fb friends.
I’m not married nor in a relationship, but if I was, I’d be immensely creeped out by the thought of reading my wife / girlfriend’s mail/email/facebook etc., or vice versa. She would be her own person, and entitled to her own life separate from her relationship with me.
Other people would be fine with it, and that’s up to them.
Well, we met on the Dope, so I suppose it’s safe to say she reads my posts when she runs across them.
We know each others passwords for most things. We both have a pretty strong sense of respect for the privacy of others, and we’re not big on the jealousy thing. So I have never looked at her email unless she’s wanted me to find something for her (which happens from time to time), and vice-versa. We have separate desktops and laptops, so there is very little, if any, natural reason for one of us to accidentally see something on the other’s account. But I don’t think either of us would care.
I have a lot of female friends, and there are a number of them who have talked about looking at their SO’s phone, going through text messages and what-not. It would be a deal-breaker for me if my SO wanted to do that to me out of suspicion, or if I reached a point where I wanted to do it to her. As my old boss, the PI, used to say to people who called up wanting their spouses put under surveillance, you may as well save the money and just get a divorce, since you’ve already lost trust in the relationship.
I think the only way it works is if you have the PI follow your “cheating” spouse only to find out they’re taking classes or working a temp job to surprise you with something wonderful.
Even then, you have serious trust issues, and any relationship is going to be rocky.
