I lack the vocabulary to express how much this pisses me off! :mad: Before discovering the pregnancy, I was trying to stick to a New Year’s resolution to lose weight. Now, I’m trying to eat healthy, gain an appropriate amount of weight and struggle with body image issues.
To make things worse, I work with a bunch of amature athelets. Its not unusual for me to stop conversations about body weight. They’re out to lose fat and gain muscle mass - I don’t want to hear about it. My coworkers are phd’s, grad/med students, and young MD’s. Once, in a fit of frustration, I asked out loud “Do they let any fat people into higher education?” (Yes, I know they do. Its just irritating to be around folks who burn off everything they eat.)
I don’t think she meant she would rather her daughter wasn’t here, just that she thinks more fondly of her pregnancy than some, as I do. I know I was lucky to have a relatively comfortable pregnancy, I find I get more unwanted advice now than I did pregnant, and I have less control over what gets done/fed/said to my child now, all of which lends some wistfulness to my memories of pregnancy. I agree 100% with you that the best age is the now age, but I do still remember how delicious the excitement, security, and intimacy of pregnancy was. Would I trade it for the giggling, wiggling, kissing, mischevious, silly, smart, happy, beautiful, stubborn, funny almost-one-year-old I adore so much it hurts? Heck no!! But I do understand where AuntBeast is coming from - pregnancy has its own charms (for some) and is an experience I really enjoyed.
For night cramps I highly recommend a bottle 375ml or so of Indian Tonic water. It has quinine in it and it works damn fine! After having a 10lb or 4.5kg thumper, I still swear by it. It didn’t harm him, and the cramps went away the night I started drinking it on doctor’s orders. Oh, and tell people who want to touch you to fuck off.
I agree - I definitely think this is overreacting. While I used to request that people not touch me or make some snide remark or another, I don’t think that belly touching warrants assault with a pointy metal object.
Out of curiosity Aangelica, did your sister actually stab people with a fork or perhaps only threaten? If she actually did that, how did she manage not to have someone file a complaint with the police or something?
This was so perfectly put that I am now plotting how to kill Whynot over the Internet out of sheer envy. Beware–your pixels are now boobytrapped!
But seriously…yes, all that. My kids would have been lost in kindergarten if they hadn’t had preschool experience to call on. Bonzo only had a year when he was four, but it was enough.
It doesn’t have to be an award-winning Yuppie factory, but it has to offer something besides mere babysitting. Look for structured activities during the day, and especially ask to see the resume of their teachers (Note: not “caretakers” or “providers”. If they aren’t at least referred to as “teachers”, then look elsewhere.) Ideally you should see some kind of Early Childhood training or background, even if it’s only a two-year community college degree. It’s possible to find good preschool teachers in people who have only ever done babysitting, or in Other Moms, but they’re not that common.
Also, before you enroll the Mouseling, go to a couple of classes by yourself at unscheduled times (i.e. don’t arrange it all ahead of time so they can get all set to impress the prospective client). Just drop in, and observe. Again, you should see structured activities, not a roomful of kids simply playing with toys.
They must be a remarkably clueless group of PhDs, then. Go and read this, and then the next time your burgeoning size stops conversation, smile sweetly and inform them, “The Mayo Clinic online says I’m right on track for weight gain during pregnancy.”
Because you are.
Worry about the weight when the Mouseling starts preschool. Seriously. That’s when you’ll have free time to walk, work out, focus on healthy shopping and cooking, rather than on simply getting through the next 30 minutes with whatever fast food it takes. Life with toddlers is hectic, and your personal needs are inevitably going to take a back seat.
On the ELEM diet, you can lose a pound a week. So if after the Mouseling emerges you find you’re still 30 pounds over your ideal weight, then think of it simply as 30 weeks’ worth of work you’ll have to do eventually, not as “oh no, I’m still FAT!!”
Because you won’t be. You’ll be a Mom, and Moms, by definition, are never “fat”.
Maybe you could go the other route:After they touch you say “Man,since I got pregnant I have been so horny. If anyone touches me I get so aroused” Start stroking them. Start unbuttoning your shirt. Rub agains them. Scream “I HAVE SEX RIGHT NOW.” When they run away scream “WELL, IT’S YOUR OWN FUCKING FAULT.”
Thank you, and WhyNot, for the insight into this. Once the Mouseling is out and about - and Spouse and I figure out what we’re going to do about my job - we’ll take a good long look at the local day cares and preschools.
I’m concerned because my nephew and his mother, Terra, had a struggle with pre-school and kindergarten. Nephew is bright and energetic. When he started kindergarten at a public school, the teacher insisted the he had ADD. Terra’s response was “Are you a doctor? Are you qualified to make that diagnosis? Our physician says that he’s fine, just a normal little boy.” The school principal agreed with the teacher. Terra took Nephew out of the school mid-semester and placed him back in pre-school. Then, the following year, she enrolled Nephew in a private kindergarten. The tuition for both places was a struggle to pay, but Terra did it. She didn’t want to fight with the public school system.
Nephew is 10 now. Still smart as a whip and full of energy.
“Cluess” sums up this lot of PhD’s. There are days when I wonder if they give out frontal lobotomies with the degree.
I’ve never been at home in my own skin. Its something I’ll have to work on. But, you’re right, having a little one around will make exercise and diet a low priority.
Now, according to my sister in law–mother to my two nieces, it isn’t actually that hard to lose the pregnancy weight after the first baby is born. She saw a nutritionist, took baby out in her stroller for lots of walks, eliminated junk food, put serious effort into portion control and plating meals (as opposed to serving family style, where it is too easy to get seconds). In other words, by 6 or 9 months after giving birth, sis-in-law and my brother were the slimmest they’d been in years. But she was REALLY motivated. It’s ok if you are not as motivated as she was.
And then she got lazy, and had a small child who wanted snacks between meals, and develped that common parental habit of eating certain sorts of food off her child’s plate, rather than let it be thrown away. And while still plating foods, putting a similarily sized pork chop and big scoop of mashed potatoes on both her plate and her husbands. (He’s got almost a foot of height on her–and does more physical stuff like mowing the lawn). And then she got pregnant again.
Losing the pregnancy weight with a plump baby and an active two-year old didn’t really happen. She’s not huge, but she’s not back to that pre-pregnancy size, either.
How long ago was that (approximately, I’m not asking for your age if you don’t want to share). I ask because we learned to read and do simple addition and subtraction in kindergarten a long time ago in a public school (twenty years). Does anyone know when the change took place?
I would say the 80s. I am not sure of WhyNot’s age, but I went to the kind of Kindergarten she described waaaay back in 1967. I went for half a day, too.
Even between my kids, there has been a seachange. My daughter, now 17(went to K in 1995), wasn’t allowed to participate in the Accelerated Reader program (it wasn’t open to K), until her teacher advocated for her and another child to do so. Now AR is expected (the levels are pre-readers to early readers, but still).
Also, while money and time were introduced, they weren’t emphasized for her class. #2 son (8 years younger), learned all about money and time in K. He also went all day; the older two went half day (and were heartily bored by it–preschool can almost overprepare).
To not put a kid in preschool is to put a kid at a disadvantage today (just like those who didn’t go to Kindergarten in my day, but started in first grade).
Re preschools: look for one that has friendly, educated staff. Look at the environment–is it cheerful? Do the kids look happily occupied? Are there a variety of activites/stations that encourage exploration and learning–finger paints, clay, water, Lego-type things, lots of art stuff, dress up corners, books, piano or instruments for music? Is there an attached playground? Do they go on field trips to the grocery store, the post office, the park, the wherever? It should look like organized chaos.
how many kids in a class? IL says 20. with the limit being 10 kids per teacher, IMS. A good school will try for a smaller ratio.
how do the staff address the kids? by name or by “sweetie” etc? (I would avoid the latter, but that may be personal preference). Do you feel welcome on your visit? (should be an open door policy to some extent, but my kids went to preschool pretty much pre-9/11). What are the security measures (adult to pick up must be designated in writing, hand offs witnessed by responsible adult etc).
Lots to think about–but so much of it is commonn sense.
Well, 20 years ago would have been 1987. My oldest daughter was born in 1984, and she started kindergarten in fall 1989, in the Decatur public schools (which are stunningly average compared to all other Illinois school districts), and she was expected to know all the things that Whynot mentioned–her ABCs and colors, her home phone number, how to stand in line without poking the kid next to you, etc. They even had kindergarten screening implemented, where they had you bring your kid to a meeting with the teacher the previous spring, to make sure she knew how to use glue, cut with scissors, hold a pencil, tie her shoes, put on her own jacket, etc. And that she had basic socialization skills (“please” and “thank you”, “My name is…”, “What’s your name?”)
And I remember quite distinctly how startled I was to find out that by Christmastime that year they had her already copying whole sentences off the blackboard into a “journal” (and I thought, “How in the world would kids who entered kindergarten not even knowing their ABCs manage?”), and that when they got back from Christmas break, they would be reading out of actual books.
And they were–I went in as MomTeacherHelper, working with individual kids, and yep, they were reading Dr. Seuss-type stuff, halfway through kindergarten (“Fun In The Mud” was the tome I was stuck with tutoring).
Which was a reading level that I myself did not experience until I was in the 1st grade, back in 1961. See Dick run. Run, Dick, run. Well, my daughter was done with Run Dick Run by the end of kindergarten.
My kindergarten year was spent doing puzzles; I remember those wooden puzzles quite distinctly. And I remember learning individual letters by coloring dittoed worksheets, “S is for Snake”.
My daughter already knew, going in, that S was for Snake and C was for Cookie and D was for Dog. The teacher was expected to teach her the correct way to write the Letter S in D’Nealian handwriting, not the Letter S itself. She was expected to know that already.
So, early to mid-1980s is when it had definitely already changed.
I started kindergarten in 1980, in Illinois. My next experience with it was when my son started in…uh…'97? '98? By then it was what first grade was back when I was there. I’d say it’s pretty steadily kept about a year ahead - multiplication/division in first, fractions in second - actually, by second we were in a school system with Everyday Mathematics, so that can’t really be compared - they’re doing algebra in kindergarten, they just don’t call it that.
But yeah, generally about a year ahead of where my class was expected to be at his age. I’ve got a two year old now, so I’ll let you know in a couple more years where things are at now in the entry grades.
Yep, that’s the year I started kindergarten. Thanks for the info everyone.
Wow, I can’t believe first graders are starting multiplication and division! Although my cousin was learning cursive in kindergarten last year so I shouldn’t be surprised. WhyNot, your two year old will probably be expected to present a thesis to get to first grade.
“Diet” as in “eating different from everybody else” or “cooking one meal for kid, one for hubby and one for me” (like my mother would) - please don’t.
“Diet” as in “making healthy choices for our meals”… dunnow, I usually make healthier choices when I’m feeding other people (I buy more actual fruit and less fruit mousses).
Running after a toddler is a lot of exercise. Babysitting leaves my mother exhausted; she’s got longer babysitting hours coming up and she makes it sound like she’s being martyred - but you know what, she’s in better health than she’s been in decades!
Just the last day I babysat with her:
kid was 19mo. Weight, 12kg (over 25lb). Could give a few steps without holding onto anything, but would do it only when he was aiming for his next grab.
We acquired him from his other grandmother; he’d already had his midafternoon snack. Took him out of the stroller, went to another area about 15’ away, with him holding my hand (and me thinking “boy, am I glad that he’s tall enough I don’t have to bend down”). This other area has some modern banks, very long ones with flower arrangements in concrete boxes at each end. He’d climb onto one bank, shuffle sideways (but quite fast) all the way to one end, move to the other side, shuffle to the other end… all the time with one of us helicoptering nearby in case he lost his grip or decided to get down. He was used to having to wait for Mom to change sides, but because there were two of us, we could cover both sides. Once he realized this, he stopped making sure there was someone behind him and just ran all over. Sometimes he’d shuffle sideways, sometimes go forward, sometimes let go of the bank’s back and run a few steps. He tried going backward once after seeing me do it but didn’t like not seeing his way and his feet at the same time. After repeating something like this for about 30’ in 5 different banks, he saw an area where some wood chips had fallen from one of the flower boxes and we played “put it in its place” for a while. Then we went to pick his Mom (5’ walk in a street with almost no cars). He walked on his own, with us saying “eeeeh!” if he tried to get away from the wall. He noticed for the first time a part of the wall that’s had the same political grafitto since I was in junior high (about 25 years) and identified some of the figures (yes that’s a lion, yes that’s a bird… a vulture, the bird is called vulture). We got to the health care center where his Mom works and spent the next 30’ (until she was out) going up and down the stairs, playing hide and seek and helping the cleaning lady “put things away.”
Mom is doing more exercise in each afternoon with the kid than she used to do in a whole month
… I was in kindergarten in '70 and we did some basic multiplication and division… not with numbers, just with “numbersticks” (sticks whose lengths matched numbers), and just the tables for 1, 2 and 3.
Actually, yes, she did. Three people - every single one of them people to whom she said “Please quit touching me”, who failed to subsequently stop touching her - all while lecturing her on how she should be proceeding with her pregnancy and that she shouldn’t be so cranky and maybe she should try herbal tea (okay the herbal tea was one lady, but all the persistent-touchers felt the need to lecture her).
Remember, she had a higher-risk pregnancy - so she wasn’t going out and about. She was seeing essentially the same group of people all the time, and there were several of them who *would not quit touching her * even after she’d asked repeatedly that they knock it the hell off (in so many words, actually). If I recall correctly (my niece is 6, so it’s been a few years) the major offenders were a couple of people at her doctor’s office (not medical professionals), a couple of her co-workers (another department, used to make a special trips to fondly my sister daily, and got poked with full blessings of my sister’s boss), a few people at her church, and the checkout guy at the grocery store.
The fork wasn’t that sharp, and she didn’t stab them hard (more like a poke), but I have a hard time blaming her for it. People randomly touching you is one thing, the same half dozen people repeatedly fondling you after you’ve asked them to quit it is a whole 'nother thing.
I can see why the excessive touching would creep her out, particularly when she told them to lay off. That’s really weird that a lot of them were at her doctor’s office! Yeech. I’m not sure I would go the fork route, but I can see her feeling as though she needed to do something more drastic than asking.
And regarding diet, I had the same experience as Flutterby. It might depend on your kid and absolutely depends on your situation, but as my son has become more aware (and therefore gets bored more easily) and more mobile, I find myself spending a lot more time outside or just moving around in general. When he’s bored or when he’s teething and cranky, I just toss him in the jogging stroller and take a 45-minute run/walk. And now that he’s more mobile, I not only wind up chasing after him a lot more, I also find less time to eat than I used to. I used to eat when I was bored (amazing how many calories you can consume and not even know it), but now that I have no time to be bored, a lot of that has stopped.
Plus, it’s always been important for me to eat healthfully, especially after my son started eating solids. I’m trying to mold his tastes to fruits and veggies over junk and I try to set an example (albeit sometimes unsuccessfully). So we make most of our meals at home and I try to pack in as many fruits and veggies into one meal as I can.
Seconded. I’ve been paying close attention to what I eat since my son started solids a few months ago - I don’t want him to see Mom and Dad eating crap when we want him to eat good stuff like fruits and veggies. So we’re eating healthy in our house. Granted, I’m doing Weight Watchers at the same time, but it’s all online for me and I already know the program. I’ve lost 15 lbs in about 2 months so far. (I have an ulterior motive, in that my midwives say I have a better chance at a VBAC with my next pregnancy if I’m in better shape, but I still don’t want him to think that burgers and fries are the norm. He loves veggies and fruits, so we’re doing okay so far.)
I put him to bed at 7:15 or so, and then I do a workout video every night - on the nights we get home and we have some time, we go for walks. We go for longer walks on the weekends. Yeah, I work full-time and it’s hectic, but it’s worth the time to me. There’s always time - you just have to make the time and prioritize.
