Coming soon to a New Brunswick Hyatt near me, the Trump family will impart their secrets to wealth creation and retention to us. The legend on the complimentary pair of tickets says it all: “DONALD J. TRUMP Invites You to Learn the Trump Family’s Most Successful Wealth Creation Secrets from His Daughter Ivanka Trump”. There’s Ivanka’s photo and a flared red splash graphic below “Daughter,” with the words “LIVE AND IN PERSON!” – reminiscent of the “AS SEEN ON TV” graphic we all know and love, if mistrust…
If you’re thinking by way of rejoinder, “uh, yeah, beginning with being born to Donald Trump,” you’re not alone here.
The graphics of the ticket merit some notice. The small photo insert – the size of a thumbnail, really – of Ivanka is an attractive one, if rather “Glamour Shots”-like. Really, independent businesswomen don’t need to tilt their head and let their hair cascade like that, however fresh, natural, and dare I say, model-worthy, said head and hair look. By contrast, The Donald’s photo is more thumb-joint-sized, with his hair looking every bit as fresh and natural as it did in 1989.
What did I and my fellow [randomly?-]selected Jerseyans ever do to deserve this? The Donald has deigned to invite me, a “special VIP guest,” to attend an all-day seminar on how to get and stay rich “the Trump way,” in which the lecturers will be, get this, his daughter Ivanka and “‘4’ self-made multi-millionaire experts”[sic]. (Apparently this invitation was penned by the same semi-literates who script the spam appeals for Nigerian internet scammers.)
And it really will be an “all-day” event; hours are 8:00 A.M. to 5:30. [shudders] Lest anyone hesitate at playing lowly Grasshopper to the Trump-think gurus, they are also gracious enough to waive the “suggested tuition fee” of $149. They will also give us VIP guests a “complimentary edition of 'TRUMP – Think Like a Billionaire” at the event, whether we want it or not.
As for the conference agenda, it consists of the usual sociopathic-capitalist drivel – slashing your taxes and eliminating your capital gains taxes entirely [these get a big :dubious: from me], shielding your assets from pesky little inconveniences like lawsuits, divorces, liens, etc.; getting Uncle Sam to cover your investing ass, and, last but not least, “learn the Trump way to cash in on the new trillion dollar booming foreclosure opportunity in 2007.” You see, it’s not merely a trillion-dollar foreclosure opportunity; it’s a booming trillion-dollar foreclosure opportunity. Gah! (And to think, the current tsunami of marginal home loans and bankruptcies of said high-risk lenders is being covered in the news as a national tragedy in the making – when really, it’s a primo money-making opportunity for the Uberrich investor class!)
I’ll think I’ll pass on this one; although I’m eagerly anticipating a future seminar course on the Trump Way to Do Time in a Federal Penitentiary for Tax Evasion, Malfeasance, etc.
Oh, what SPY magazine could have done with this one!