donating a kidney!???!

My mother called me today, after heehawing around a bit she asked if I would concider getting tested to see if I could give her a kidney, if it came to that point.

ok now here is my problem…

  1. My mother is a hyprocondrac (sp??) she actually “shoped” dr.s a few years ago to find one that would give her the historectmie (sp??) she felt she needed she actually says “I went to over 20 quacks before I found a dr. that agreed i need it done” Ok if more than drs say I don’t need it i will tend to agree but over 20??? And a few things she told me about this sound fishie.?.?

  2. My mom and I have a very strained relashinship, infact she didn’t even have me most of my life my grandparents did, the courts took me away from her because she was so abusive.

  3. My mom has been known to do test to see how much people (both friends and family) “love” her

  4. I have been having problems with kidney infections in my right kidney for the last 6-8 months, I own a hair salon that requries I am there everyday, I am suddlenly raising my hubbys niece (we have no kids of our own) and hubby is a over the road truckdriver gone for weeks at a time.

  5. BUT she is my mother and inspite of everything else I feel its my duty as her only child

ANY ADVICE WOULD BE WELCOME, expecally since my hubby is gone right now and not due to call till Wed.


why did this post 3 times??? sorry if it looks like i am flooding the board i don’t know what happened

No probem. I’ll delete the duplicate threads.

DrMatrix - General Questions Moderator

The easiest and quickest solution is to stop worrying about it, and don’t do anything at all in the way of having yourself tested, until you’ve gotten a second opinion from a knowledgeable doctor–a kidney specialist–you personally trust, as to whether she actually needs a kidney transplant in the first place. Then you can start working on the issue of whether you “owe” your mom a kidney.

Until then, save your worrying for more important things, like whether it’s spelled “Spiderman” or “Spider-Man”. :smiley:

And if you ask me, both you and your mom would benefit from having you tell her, in words of one syllable, “No, Mom, I’m not going to go have myself tested until I get a second opinion from a reputable kidney specialist that you need a kidney transplant.”

Your mom is testing those around her, and that’s not good, so by agreeing to have yourself tested, you’d be “enabling” her, and reinforcing this behavior pattern. So tell her “no” and stick to your guns. If she goes into the “boo hoo, you don’t love me” martyr act, tell her, “Yes, I do love you, but I’m still not going to go have myself tested until I see that second opinion”.

And stick to it. You’ll be doing her a favor in the long run.

A very good friend of mine just recently donated a kidney to her own mother.

I’ll send her a link to this thread and see if she’d like to chime in with her experience.

If you are having “kidney infection problems” they are NOT going to use your kidneys for a transplant.

So, if you feel you must - “Mom, I love you, but I’ve been having kidney problems myself lately and I wouldn’t want to do anything to make your problem worse. So, because I love you, I have to say no”.

(And if the infection problems go away… you don’t have to tell mom if you don’t want to)

Broomstick is correct about you most likely not being a viable candidate to be a donor.

It does sound as if she is not actually in need, though.

To use (waste) the resources for major surgeries on those in questionable or no need is an ethical issue for which the MDs in question could lose their licenses.

FWIW, in a substantial number of cases an endrometrial (spelling?) ablation is a preferable alternative to a hysterectomy. Some health care providers are not yet aware of this outpatinet procedure.

Thanks for the great advice, if I could trust that it was something she truly needed I would most likely be more receptive to the idea but with her track record, well… plus she lives in another state so its not like i can stop at her Dr. and ask questions. Anyhow thanks!! I love this place:)

If you have ever had any history of kidney problems (infections or anything), you are certainly not a good prospect for a kidney donation to anyone including your own Mother. They will just not use either one of your kidneys. You may just be the one who needs the kidney transplant someday. :slight_smile:

Can’t you call her doctor and talk about it? If your mom doesn’t want you to, I’m not sure I’d trust her word.

If it were me I’d “shop” a few doctors myself till I find one who says I shouldn’t donate my kidney. :wink: