I just came back from the restroom. When I first went in I spy’d the urinals and knew that they were not the reason for my visit. It’s a two stall room and the first was occupied. I had to walk by it first to get to the open one. “DAMNIT, I hope they don’t see who it is!” I think to myself. I just get settled down when I hear…
“Hey, Whammo.”
ugh.
“What.” I cautioned.
“I totally ‘owned’ my toilet”
“OK.” I said, not sure how to react.
“You should ‘own’ yours too!”
“Dont talk to me while im in here.” Is all I can say back.
“Why, do you need to concentrate?”
“Yes!”
and BLAH BLAH BLAH the whole time he was washing his hands then just standing outside the toilet talking to me, while im bare assed with my pants 'round my ankles trying to get some work done.
He left. Thank you, thank you.
I couldn’t relax my sphincter for another 5 minutes.
Was that the end… Nooooo…
I go back to my cube and I hear…
“Hey Whammo.”
“Oh god, what?”
"I’m organizing some guys to go in and sing you Christmas carols next time.
I gotta tell you, that swings wildly between being insufferably rude and being screamingly funny. The mental image of your clenching up while staring at four pairs of feet outside your stall-door while listening to an off-key rendition of *It Came Upon a Midnight Clear * with washroom reverb has some serious comedic potential.
Yeah, WTF is wrong with people that think the crapper is the chat room?
Just leave me and my anus the hell alone while we do what we gotta do. I’ll talk to you later.
If they follow through on that carolling threat, feel free to reach down, grab a handful and sling it over the door at them. Concert over, I guarantee.
I think this is one of those Venus/Mars things between women and men.
Apparently women chitchat across stalls all the time, even with total strangers.
For men, making “stalltalk” is a big taboo. Even talking while urinating is somewhat uncomfortable for most men; though not all that uncommon, there’s just something a little, well, contextually disturbing to realize that you’re conversing with somebody who’s basically standing there with his wanker in his hand(s).
Even more disturbing is that I have heard some guys talk on a cellphone while on the crapper. Though this does lead to some funny opportunities to expose them if they are trying to disguise the fact that they are “on the throne while on the phone”…
Stall nabe: Hello? Oh hi, how you doin’. No, I’m not really doing anything… Me: BRRRAAAAAAP (attempting to pump up the volume) Stall nabe: Hello? No, that wasn’t me. I don’t know what that was. Me: (loudly spinning the roll of toilet paper) Stall nabe: Hello? Hello? I’m getting some static… Me: (finishing up and then flushing…) Stall nabe: (uncomfortable silence) Me (disgustedly): Oh, crap. Come on… (flushes again, then opens stall door loudly) Stall nabe: Uh… I’ll call you back…
Well… I once witnessed the following… I was shopping with the Ex and made my way to the bathroom for a break, oh yeah… and to pee. I was standing there alone at my urinal when 2 college age guys come in and both enter seperate stalls… yet they continue talking to each other.
Now mind you, i’m not TRYING to listen but they have to speak loudly enough to hear each other. Its general conversation. Now maybe its because I was never a frat member but… WTF!!! THEN one of theirs cell phones ring… he answers and of course I can only hear one side… but here is what I hear…
phone: Hello?
silence
phone: Yo, whats up?
silence
phone: yeah Joe and I are hanging.
silence
phone: We’re taking a shit.
silence
phone: jones store.
phone: catch up with you later.
I think I stood there listening with dripping hands and didnt even dry them before exiting.
I may have mentioned this once before on an unrelated thread, but my wife once overheard a hilarious real-life phone-on-the-throne one-side convo in a restaurant bathroom.
cell phone ringing
“Hello? Hi, Tom [or some other man’s name]. Yeah, that’s right, we’re meeting at [name of restaurant].” pause while “Tom” talks
No, I’m not late. I’m here already. I’ve been here for about 10 minutes now." pause again for “Tom” to talk
“Well, I don’t know why you can’t find me!”
