Don't talk to me while I piss...

I’m so god damn tired of guys coming up to me and talking to me while I’m pissing at the urinal. I was at school today and a vice-chancellor came up to me in the bathroom and took the urinal right next to mine. He then begins chatting up a storm with me about the weather and temperatures and so forth. FUCK YOU. Leave me alone, I’m busy here. Another thing about it, I don’t know the guy. We’ve NEVER MET, EVER! So I don’t know why this guy insists on making new friends while I’m going to the bathroom.

But this guy isn’t the only one. There are two guys at work that love to chat up storms and will follow you into the bathroom to keep talking to you. JESUS CHRIST! I’ll be out in a minute. I mean, one of the guys follwed me in, saw me step up to the urinal and still wanted to talk. I had to yell at him to leave me alone.

Whats wrong with these people? I have never, EVER, started a conversation at a urinal. I don’t even look at the person next to me while I go. I’ve never followed anyone in the bathroom to keep a conversation and I never will. What the hell is the matter with these people…

They need to watch this video.

I hate it when people walk between me and the urinal.
I’m proud of both my range and my aim.
I don’t walk between you and your family when you’re taking their picture, do I? Well…I do. But my point remains.

My ex had an awful experience regarding urinal conversation.

He was urinating next to a chatty fellow who said something so awful that my ex could hardly contain his vitriol when relating the story to me later that same night.

What did he say?
“Hey, that’s a nice watch.” :dubious: :eek: :smiley:

Any male who insists on talking in a restroom should read Asimov’s “The Caves Of Steel.”

Well, my parents brought me up with manners: if someone is talking to me, I turn to face them so I can pay attention to them, not to what I’m doing.

If someone tries talking to me while I’m at the urinal, I’m thinking that’ll be a problem that will resolve itself fairly quickly…

Reminds me of an old joke. Forgive me if I tell it badly, it’s been some time since I heard it.

A tall, rugged looking guy goes into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender looks at him and says, “I know you. You’re John Wayne, aren’t you?”

The man responds, “I’m not John Wayne. I just happen to look like him. Now, how about giving me my beer?”

After a couple of beers, the man says, “I’ll be right back. I gotta pee.” He returns a couple of minutes later with one pants leg completely soaked. The bartender notices, but figures it’s none of his business. The man orders another beer. The bartender says, “I can’t get over how much you look like John Wayne. You mean to say you really aren’t him?”

The man says, “I told ya, I’m not him. Now keep pouring me beers and leave me alone or I’ll knock your block off!” A few beers later, he excuses himself for the restroom again.

He returns a couple of minutes later and his pants are soaked down the other leg. The bartender can no longer contain himself. “What the fuck is going on in my rest room? What are you doing in there, pissing your pants?”

The man says, "My looks have been a problem all my adult life. Every time I go into the men’s room to pee, the guy next to me always turns and says,

“Hey! I know you! You’re John Wayne.”

Maybe next time someone talks to you when you pee, you should turn and pee on him. :wink:

Sometimes, you can evade this problem by taking a nice, relaxing sit-down in the stalls, even if you don’t have to take a dump.

But not always. One time I walked into the men’s room and met my boss, and I legitimately had to take a dump, so I beelined into a stall. And he kept talking. So I had to respond, and my voice is echoing off the walls and I feel like a total dork. It’s not like it was anything about work, either; he was just bitching about how he didn’t like somebody in another department.

Finally I blew a really loud fart, and he gave up and left.

Four stars.

Hell, at my workplace, you’re considered downright rude if you don’t chat while at the urinals. Most of the conversation revolves around business, though, and this can be the most efficient way to get information and/or ask questions of certain more hard-to-reach people who are always in meetings.

I swear this is true.

One time I was in the restroom, in a stall, and two guys come in and pull up at the urinals. Wordlessly, they both whip out and commence business.

One then turns to the other and says – and I am not making this up! –

“Do you think this is too long?”


“Yeah, these meetings really drag on,” the second guy said.

Turned out they were talking about the meeting.

I sincerely hope.


I understand this rant, b/c of the intimate and slightly graphic nature of the male public bathroom urinal, but I find it amusing nonetheless because my girlfriends and I ALWAYS talk in bathrooms, even if they’re just one toilet with no walls between…and I’ve gone into the same type of “public” toilet with a girl I don’t even know, and we’ve chatted while peeing, and everyone walked away totally okay with it.

Now granted, the latter scenario mainly occurs in bars, wherein all parties are intoxicated, so the social boundaries are already compromised, but I would like to see some research on why it is that men, who have pissed in public since they were old enough to go the mens’ room without their mothers, have a problem with any kind of interaction while doing so…whereas women, who have grown up with private walled toilets, generally have no problem at all with the same interaction.

Is it because we ladies have no dangly bits? Nothing to “check out,” other than what one of my girlfriends crudely calls the “FUPA,” aka the “Fat Upper Pussy Area?”

I demand a funded study.

Band name!

Careful with that brush, please. There are few things I hate more than someone trying to talk to me while I’m in the bathroom. Drives me absolutely bonkers- and I’m including the entire bathroom time, up to opening the door to leave. One day one of our VPs walked into the bathroom as I was washing my hands, wandered into a stall, and as she took care of business she attempted to have a lengthy conversation with me about my class enrollment, how the semester was going, etc. I say attempted because I was so freaked out I couldn’t give much more than monosyllabic answers.

Don’t even get me started on “using a cell phone in the bathroom.”

It’s an unwritten law, but one that is quite draconian, that men do not speak to other men in the restroom, nor do they slide up to the urinal right next to you when there is one available further away. Third, you look straight ahead, never in any other direction. Last, when you’re done you get the hell out of the bathroom as quickly as possible. No loitering.

These rules are relaxed considerably when you have a child, but in those cases you can only talk to your child. Anybody who breaks these rules becomes a pariah, the bathroom equivalent of a serial killer.

I’m not catching your drift here - what are the quotation marks for if you actually mean people using cell phones in the bathroom?

When I worked at the gym, every once and a while I would end up taking a piss next to the owner. Every single time he would say, “I guess it’s staff draining time! LOLOLOLOLOL!!!”

Okay, he didn’t really say LOLOLOLOLOL, but it was implied.

The funniest scene in a movie with this is “Along Came Polly”.

Ben Stiller is trying to go, and Alec Baldwin, his loudmouth boss, comes in and stands right next to him. Stiller is staring at the wall, while Baldwin rambles on. Baldwin just starts gushing a stream, cuts a big fart. Then, he zips himself up, and puts his hands on Stiller’s shoulders while giving him an “attaboy” speech. Stiller, the whole times, can’t go.

To top it off, Stiller is totally germophobic, and Baldwin starts pulling on his earlobe a little bit.

NFW! I don’t like going to the bathroom with my girlfriends. Can’t you go on your own, I want to say. Stop following me, I want to say. No, we don’t need a moment in private to discuss and gossip whoever we’re with. Got something to say? Wait until after or say it to their faces.

I HATE talking in the bathroom. I find it utterly disgusting when someone gets on their cellphone. What, you think people want to hear you poo? Thankfully none of my coworkers are the bathroom Chatty Cathy types, but plenty of other people in the building are.

And I do think there is a big difference between office bathroom and bar bathroom. I still wouldn’t chat in the bar bathroom but I’d be much more laid-back about other people chatting it up. But yeah, I positively hate people trying to talk to me.

-Anaamika, decidedly female.

I think there is a fairly significant difference between female bathroom etiquette and the male variety. In situations where one must of necessesity expose themselves with only the briefest of cover in order to perform bodily functions, the protection of the sanctity of masculinity becomes of the utmost importance. When using urinals, aside from observing the unspoken rules of urinal etiquette (as many empty urinals as possible between you and the next fellow with no fewer than one being acceptable) there is also the unwritten rule of “the spot.” “The spot” is a point on the wall, or on the plumbing fixture, or on the advertisements above same, where your gaze must remain throughout the performance of your business. It should be regarded as the single most interesting sight at that particular moment, and one’s gaze should never waver from it until the conclusion of business, which carries through the acts of “shaking” and “zipping.” Conversation is forbidden, as is glancing around the room for any reason other than the event of an emergency. Either action withdraws attention from “the spot” which is strictly, if tacitly, forbidden.

Although the use of stalls provides an extra measure of discretion it is still considered very bad form to talk or to make any further noises that may make others in the room uncomfortable. There are times when it is impossible to stifle all noise during the process of elimination. At these times etiquette dictates that a suitable response is to emerge looking suitably embarassed and to wash up and leave as quickly as possible while avoiding all eye contact or mention of the incident.