Don't talk behind my back!

I am ever-so-slightly pissed at my “friends.”

I logged into a chat with some of my friends (offline friends). Apparently, they weren’t expecting me since they’d sent the invite an hour back. When I got in, I saw some rather nasty things being tossed around. Apparently the tards just thought I was in a huff or something.

I am now.

It was when one of my oldest damn friends, who spends every waking minute we hang out together insulting me in every possible area of my being (Apparently, this is his being friendly. or something.), got cute with me that I actually flipped. I could deal with the constant stream of denigrations since at least he’s got some class to it and it’s about ten levels above the standard “Yer a f@g” one usually hears on the internet.

But somehow hearing them try and pretend they weren’t nastily pissing around behind me back set me off. I’m not quite certain why. Maybe I just assume that people do that sort of thing. But lying to your friends, well, that’s something else. That’s beyond the pale.

Anyway, i then told them exactly what I thought of them and where they could get off. Needless to say, they largely ignored me as usual and we will probably pretend it never happened a week of from now. I’m still pissed, because, as usual, any complaints, wants, opinions, or interests I have are fucking irrelevant to them. And after a shitty week of a hyper-political English teacher who bitched at me for not sucking Al Gore’s literary cock and business and stats teachers whose sole goal in life seems to be making unfair, too-hard-and/or-ridiculously-nitpicky tests so as to give poor grades and screw people people trying to better themselves, I wasn’t having any of their shit. So maybe it wasn’t entirely fair to dump it all on them, but screw them anyway.

So, in conclusion, all of you who were gabbing about me can go fuck yourselves once, then do it again for yakking where I was going to find out about it. All I bloody well ask is that you talk about me behind my back discreetly like a normal gossip. But I guess that’s too much to ask in this days of intenet connectedness.

You need a new set of friends. Srsly.

“Yer a f@g”

You sound like you must be about 13 tears old.

If these "online " friends are really your “off-line” “friends” you’d be better off with enemies.

Shiiiiit . . . I’d be disturbed if me best friend ever told me the truth.

And seriously, my very best friends and I talk behind each others’ backs constantly. It’s because we care about each other and when one of us pisses another off we need to vent. We fight like brothers but we’re as close as brothers, too. If these are acquaintances I’d suggest dropping them but if they’re real friends just let it roll off your back. You can even call them out for it, laugh about it, and admit to talking behind their backs (don’t try to say you haven’t!) I promise you it won’t matter in the long run.

Ditto,

Come on smiling bandit you’ve never been guilty of doing this yourself? If so, this person you may have been gossiping about; did you not really like him/her despite his/her faults?

My bet says yes.

Nothing wrong with getting frustrated I’ll grant you that. But as Cisco points out just let it roll off your back.

I think a lot of this type of frustration (at least for me anyway) comes from being forced to look at yourself in a way that you’re not used to. And finding out you’re not the perfect guy you thought you were can be a real kick in the nuts.

I way prefer people to talk behind my back. Then I don’t have to hear it, and it also means it’s unimportant enough that it doesn’t need to be said to me at all.

Saying bad things about me to my face is rude.

My view is like Boto Jim’s here. I don’t mind that they talk about me behind my back. I’ve got a heart like small lump of coal and I’m erratic and often abrasive. I don’t mind if they laugh at me behind my back. That doesn’t mean I enjoy them to my face.

I doubt they’ll want to see me after the things I said back though.

That’s OK next year you will make new friends in the 8th grade.

Re being talked about- get over it. People will talk about you behind your back, it’s human nature. It’s evolutionarily important- it’s how we learn what not to do. It’s up to you to decide what they say when they talk about you behind your back, whether it will be good or bad. If you don’t want people talking about you like you’re an asshole, it’s simple- don’t act like an asshole. If they were speaking erroneously, then just sit back and laugh at them- they’re being dumbasses, and it says a lot more about them than it does about you. But you can’t control what other people do, and people will gossip if they want to.

Maybe you could just perceive it in a different way. When I learn that people have talked about me behind my back, I try to look at it this way: Out of all the subjects in the world, which must be what, at least in the thousands, they have picked ME to focus their energies on! Woohoo, I must be very important! :smiley:

Look at it this way: if they’re saying all this horrible crap about you behind your back, then you must have other qualities that they really, really like about you. Else, why would they put up with you in the first place?

The quality they like best about the OP might be that s/he is the Goat.

IANASociologist or psychologist, so I don’t know the terminology, but some cliques seems to be organized around a hierarchy of ‘meaness’, from the highest status person, who can be mean to everyone and controls how mean people can be to each other, to the lowest status person, to whom everyone is mean during group activities.

This ‘meaness’ hierarchy only works in group activities, not during one to one interactions.

[I think the OP needs to look for friends outside the group.]

And you consider these people to be your friends?

Weren’t they trying to do that when you showed up at a chat unexpectedly?

Next time, announce your arrival so they can wrap up their gossip about you before you get there. Isn’t that the polite thing to do?

Don’t stand in front of me!

You do realize that, unless they are Dopers, you are talking about them behind their backs here…

This says more about you than your friends really. Yes, your “friends” sound like jerks, but you are the bigger jerk for regularly putting up with all of this. Wake up and stop being the ninny that everyone picks on.

Well, it’s a “scheduled chat.” I always show up right around that time.

Putting up with his “friends” does not make him a jerk. Sorry, try again.

No, but it may make him a sap. Either he’s taking unwarranted crap and his friends are arses, or he’s a dick and his friends tolerate him. Or possibly some combination of both. Among my friends, if I had a problem with something Friend A did, I might mention it to Friend B to get an opinion. I could then either talk to Friend A about it or drop it, or file it away as information about what makes up Friend A’s character. Or again, a combination.

In short, I might bring up something specific about a friend behind his back to another friend, but if bandit’s friends are talking smack about him all the time when he’s not around, there’s a larger issue. So I reiterate, either he or his friends sound like arseholes, or there’s just a compatibility issue.

Yes it does. He is annoyingly stupid and foolish if he always puts up with friends who consistantly treat him the way he describes.

Main Entry: 1jerk
Pronunciation: \ˈjərk\
Function: noun
Etymology: probably alteration of yerk
Date: 1575
1: a single quick motion of short duration
2 a: jolting, bouncing, or thrusting motions b: a tendency to produce spasmodic motions
3 a: an involuntary spasmodic muscular movement due to reflex action bplural : involuntary twitchings due to nervous excitement
4 a: an annoyingly stupid or foolish person