I thought we were friends. And only twice have I ever come to think that we could be more. The first time was in eighth grade. You got with some bimbo in the other class who I totally hated and I was so mad at you for that. Well, I got over it. We stayed friends. Really good friends.
We’ve been so much together and suddenly, I start liking you again. Again. Then after I start liking you, you tell me that you like a girl, but you won’t tell me who. Then, you start saying crazy stuff to me like, “I wish I could hug and kiss you all night to make you feel better.” And when I asked you to look after my aquatic ecosystem project while I went on the school’s missions trip to Europe, you said, “I’ll give you a kiss for every fish that dies.” At first, I thought you were just joking around, but then I realized, you don’t just say this kind of stuff and say that you’re joking. Why would you say this kind of stuff and then turn around and say, “Haha! Gotcha!” You were always flirting with me at school. I was so shocked because no guy has ever flirted with me and secondly, this was you. I mean, I’d never seen you flirt with any other girl in the first place! You’d poke my cheeks, squish me against the lockers, lean on me, block my way in the halls so I’d have to grab your shoulders and walk around you. You’re not an overt flirt. You don’t normally say this kind of stuff to your other gal pals. And I was sure of this because I’m such close friends with your other gal pals. So, yeah, I really thought you did like me. Then, you went ahead and showed me how wrong I was.
While I was in Europe, you told our friend that I’ll never be anything more than a friend and that there’s some other girl. I am so humilated and bitter. I should have known that we’ve been friends for too long. It’s stayed this way ever since we became friends and it will always stay this way. I guess this was some big ego-trip for you because I guess you knew that you were wanted. I thought you were possibly the only guy I’d have a chance with and you just went ahead and stomped all over me because you knew that you had the upper-hand. I’ve never been so bitter over a guy before. The first time was when you got with that bimbo back in eighth-grade. And now this. And in between? No other guy I’ve liked has ever hit me as hard as you did.
This may be because I am a guy and am hardwired to think that violence solves everything, but I think that you should hit him right back…hard…south of the border.
Don’t worry dare_devil007. Not every guy is an idiotic piece of shit. From what I remember from the picture threads, you’re a cutie. You’ll find somebody else no problem. Maybe if he sees you as unavailable, he’ll get jealous and you can mess with his head.
The Sausage Creature, chocolate always makes everything so much better. Thanks.
Harborwolf, I always threaten guys that I’m gonna kick them where it hurts, but I never actually do. I was planning on asking him to come to the spring formal with me. But, it’s my friend’s last year at my school so all of my friends and I are going with her as a group. I’m gonna show him that I don’t need him. Sigh.
Awwww. That’s really a shame. I know how much it hurts to get your hopes up about a guy friend only to have them dashed. It’s his loss if he doesn’t appreciate you. You don’t need a guy who is into playing games like this.
From what you say, it sounds like the guy has picked up on the fact that you have feelings for him. He’s using this bit of knowledge to play games and mess with your mind. It’s very cruel of him.
I’ve had more than one female play this game with me. Once I became more experienced, I’d move them to the “forget it” catagory as soon as I recognized this behavior pattern.
You deserve better and sooner or later, better will come along.
Tell him off for being a cruel prick, and playing mind games with you, knowing that you had feelings for him. Stand up for yourself and let him know how crappy what he did was. You can either be blunt and not delicate at all when you have the talk with him, or you can be more delicate while still conveying exactly how much of a cretin he was to you. Good luck.
Few experiences in life hurt as much as rejection. Unfortunately, few experiences in life are as common.
Thing is, ya gotta remember that you have plenty of time to find someone else. I know you say that no other guy you’ve liked has hit you as hard as Vic did. And in previous messages you’ve told us that you’re shy and a little introverted.
But, see, you’re 15. You’ve got a whole lifetime ahead of you to meet guys. There are gonna be some jerks in the bunch, yes, but most of them will treat you a lot better than Vic does. You’re a pretty young lady and if you let your personality shine through in real life like you do here at the Dope, you’ll attract guys. Believe me. Hell, in a couple of years you’ll be off at college - a whole different world - meeting new people, and especially new guys - and life is going to seem shweet again.
I’m not trying to come across like, “I’m older than you and I’ve been through all this, so I know better,” and I don’t mean to sound like “Dad” or anything. I guess I can’t help it. My daughter is about your age, and trust me you’re not alone.
Today, he was standing in front of my locker. When I pushed him out of the way (kind of roughly), he said, “Why are you being so mean to me?” Jeez, the guy doesn’t even know why I’m mad at him. He is so dense. That just made me angrier and I managed to spit out, “Figure it out.” He just gave me this look and walked away. It’s hard for me to be mad at him because he was such a good friend to me. But, I keep telling myself that I have a good reason to be mad at him. But, it’s still hard… I’ll get over it.
First thing. He probably doesn’t know why you’re mad. Guys that age are generally COMPLETELY clueless about feelings in general - especially other peoples’ feelings. He’s very likely flamingly self-centered: not in the stuck-up way, but in the “has no clue that what he’s doing has consequences for himself, let alone other people, and definitely has no clue that “fun for him” might equal “hurt for you”” kind of way.
Extrapolating future consequences from present actions is a difficult thing to learn, and some people are behind the learning curve. Girls, in general, tend to be a little more ahead of the curve than guys the same age.
So, if you want him to know why you’re hurt, you unfortunately will have to tell him. And I guaran-frigging-tee that it’ll come as this HUGE shock to him.
Second: I was a VERY introverted and shy person at your age. (Still am, which’d shock the crap out of most of the people that know me.) It’s not the End Of All Social Life Ever. I found that later on, when you’re more mature, you’ll encounter guys that ARE on the same spot in the learning curve as you, with no “I’ve known you since forever” baggage to lug around. A lot of them will like you BECAUSE you’re more introverted - a lot of them have already been burned by The Belle Of The Ball, who wants all the attention on HER.
The biggest secret is to ask a lot of questions about whoever you’re with. You’ll be thought of as this fabulous conversationalist, when all you REALLY said is, “what are you studying for?” “Really? That must be interesting” and “so, where are you from?” You’ll be VERY popular. Really.
Hang in there.
Sorry - upon re-reading I realized that i made you sound like this really whiny person; not what I meant.
What I did mean, and I’ll probably hose it up again, is that you’ll probably find not just one or two “other fish in the sea”, but at least a few, and you’ll be able to pick-n-choose. Heck, you’re already one up on me at your age - you’re going to the formal! With actual real live friends and things!
Enjoy your friends while you’ve got 'em, and write Whatsisname off.
(I know, I know…WAAAAAY easier said than done.)
Amen to all you said but especially to that. Damn, but teenaged boys are slow on the uptake.
dare_devil007_, definitely tell him exactly why you are mad, in short sentences with small words. Who knows? he might realize that he feels the same way about you. All people need a nudge sometimes but teenaged guys especially need it. Trust me, they’re morons, every last one of them, but he sounds like he could, at least, be a NICE moron.
I was reluctant to hijack this thread, because of provoking a pile-on of “insensitivity” accusations, but fuck it. You’ve chosen to post it in the fucking Pit, so I’ll speak my fucking mind.
Any OP with the title “lame and tame” should go in MSPSHITIMUSTSHARE, not The Pit.
I don’t doubt your heartache and agony, but IMO the best place for this sort of stuff is a LiveJournal. If you must post it publically here, at least put it in a forum designed for “…I must share” stuff.
Oh, I apologize. I should have realized that this stuff is too “lame and tame” for the Pit, anyways. And I don’t think you were being insensitive, if that’s worth anything.
Maybe he was just being a Flirty Friend? You know, those friends who are members of the opposite sex who seem to dance on the fence between ‘friend’ and ‘more than friend’. Or maybe he ‘likes you like a sister’
Welcome to my teenage years. This seems to happen more with the genders reversed (friendly, flirty girl making the guy mistake a friendship for something more).
Then again, he could quite possibly just be a jerk. Having someone smitten by you is very empowering- it drives some people to make very foolish mistakes because it is a very powerful emotional drug. Perhaps this guy just thrives on it from you. I don’t think he’s dense/stupid- he knows exactly what he’s doing. I think the best thing he can do if he still respects your friendship is to come forward about how he really feels.
