To my Israeli friend who can't take a hint

The BBQ Pit
1

I was gonna pit the snowbanks. But this guy is more persistent, more annoying, and I’m stuck with him until April, which probably can’t be said for the snow.

So, to my dear friend…GET A CLUE! You call me every day pretty much. Yes, I know you’re bored, I am too. But I don’t appreciate having you call me every two hours, especially when you have nothing new to say. No, I dont’ want to watch the Simpsons, I sure as hell don’t want to see the Third watch, and if I even cared I’d have brought my own TV. You also know that I don’t like climbing that many stairs. Four flights down from my room, then four back up to yours, and ditto on the way back. You hardly ever come over here, why should I be any different?

Two, stop asking to cuddle! Yes, I know you dont’ see it as doing anything wrong, but I still feel weird about it. So stop asking already! You say that you’ll behave, but then you don’t! Any wonder that I don’t trust you? Besides, you have a girlfriend, that’s why I keep refusing, dingbat. When I said that I had a boyfriend, you wouldn’t ask me out, even though I said (many times) that we had agreed that I would see other people. Now that you have a girlfriend, and one who’s actually around at that, why shouldn’t I keep my hands off you? Geesh,

Oh, and last but not least…STOP PICKING ME UP!!! As I have told both you and the other twit many times, I don’t like it, and the fact that everytime you do that I yell “OW! Put me down!” should give you a clue as to why. Yes, I’m sensitive. So I don’t care how playful it is, it hurts and it pisses me off.

off to lick her wounds from the lastest stunt

2

Ehhh… uhmmm, I don´t understand why you had to remark his nationality.

Anyway, you should practice your “stabing-eyes”. But if his as clueless as it seems, a doberman chained to your door should do. :smiley:

3
  1. Don’t tell the Pit, tell HIM!
  2. What’s Israeli got to do with it? It’s like pitting “the blonde nurse” or “the black mailman” or “tall bank manager”.
4

Nothing. Dunno why I mentioned it. You can hit me for saying it.

And it’s not like I’ve been silent or anything. He just doesn’t seem to get it. He doesn’t take no for an answer. Last November, I was gone for a weekend, and when I came back, he asked me if I enjoyed my weekend. No, I didn’t. Then he asked me why I didn’t enjoy it. I said I didn’t want to talk about it (I’d gone to my grandfathers funeral). “C’mon, you can tell me.” “I don’t want to talk about it.” I think it was about 5 minutes before I got him to stop asking. One of my other freinds (who at the time I was much less impressed with) only had to be told once. He just said “It wasnt’ a pleasure trip I take it” and left it at that.

I tell this guy I don’t want to cuddle. He keeps asking (We’re not doing anything wrong! he says). I tell him I dont’ want to go up to his room, he keeps asking. I tell him I have an essay to write (which he knows, nearly everybody on campus is taking the same class, so we write essays at the same time). He doesn’t give up! It’s not like he’s clueless or anything, at least I don’t think he is. Why can’t he understand the no means no?

5

You know what? Sometimes, though it’s not in my nature, I’ve found that you just have to hit the person over the head with a 2 x 4 (figuratively speaking, of course).

If I put myself in your shoes, I sense that you don’t want to hurt his feelings. But there’s no reason you should give up your comfort, for his. He’s intruding on your comfort zone, when it comes down to it.

How about just telling him something like, “You are such a piss off! To tell you the truth, all this stuff you pull makes me not want to be around you at all. What the hell is wrong with you? CHILL!”

Then he’ll ask you “what things”. List em all! Go for it! Don’t leave out a thing. And if he keeps giving you excuses that lead you to believe that his behaviour will continue, just say: “You know what, this is more work than it’s worth. Don’t contact me til you get the message.”

It’s hard, but sometimes, you’ve just gotta spit it out.
Good luck with that.

6

If he really bugs you, stop visiting him. And lock your door. I doubt he’s gonna take any hints.

7

Thanks for the advice, we’ll see what happens.

And thankfully, I don’t need to lock my door, I’m in an all girls dorm, he has to sign in before he can come up to my room. Unless someone else signs him in or sneaks in through the basement, he can’t sneak up on me in my room. Although maybe he could pile up all the snow and climb up to my window…But he’s far too nice to do that.

I honestly do think of him as a friend (it is very difficult to piss me off permanently, someone really has to work at it to do so), he’s a really nice guy. I just don’t know why he pushes things so much.

8

Sounds like a needy frustrated chump trying to get with you. You’ll be surprised to find (and disappointed too) that this is how many men try to get girls. By calling them all day and saying stuff like “let’s cuddle, it’s harmless and I’ll only try to have sex with you”. Next time he tries to ‘cuddle’ tell him you’ll tell his girlfriend. He’ll stop quickly.

9

I can understand how the other things he does pisses you off, and he sounds like he’s totally clueless and that’s not cool at all. However, to be fair with this particular behaviour I’ve known quite a few girls who will say they don’t want to talk about something and then get upset when the guy doesn’t pursue the line of questioning because they perceive that he doesn’t care enough to find out what’s upsetting because he didn’t pester them.

So from a guys point of view sometimes there’s no way to tell when the girl doesn’t want to talk about something to when she does want to talk about it but is testing the guy. Damned if you do, damned if you don’t.

I’m not trying to change your mind about him, just giving you some food for thought.

10

If you tell him you don’t like what he does to you, and he still does it, he is not your friend. Nor is he a “nice guy”.

He’s going to keep doing this kinda stuff as long as you let him.

11

The next time he grabs you to pick you up, just get a good hold onto a sideburn or something similar and start pulling up. The higher he goes the higher you go. He won’t do it anymore.
Damn Israeli bastards, their always pulling some kinda bullshit. :wink:

12

[quote]
mecaenas-So from a guys point of view sometimes there’s no way to tell when the girl doesn’t want to talk about something to when she does want to talk about it but is testing the guy. Damned if you do, damned if you don’t.

I’m not trying to change your mind about him, just giving you some food for thought.

[quote]

Some of us are pretty dense sometimes.

Especially trying understand, "When does yes mean yes and no mean no, except for when no means yes or is yes means no.
But never forget that sometimes no AND yes both mean maybe.
Although MAYBE almost always means…forget about it loser.

For me an assumed no is probably the safest approach. :smiley:

tell him he cracked one of your ribs last time and you want him to pay the bill

13

I have nothing to add other than Israeli folk are typically very sociable and concerned with their family/friend’s welfare.
_
:eek: <Cite?)

14

I hope you trust EVERY person in your dorm.

15

Jayn_Newell, he’s not being nice; he’s being manipulative. From what you’ve said, even when he is being nice, he’s being manipulative. A really nice guy would take your repeated "No"s for answers. He may be genuinely clueless; he may also have worked out that if he acts clueless, he’s less likely to get told off and more likely to be allowed to continue to hang around the women he’s annoying. There’s a fellow I know who’s a bit like that; he’s been pulling the clueless act for at least 10 years.

I’m on a roll with charming bluntness working for me in real life; I’ll recommend it to you now. Next time he tries to pick you up, ask you to cuddle, etc. tell him, “I do not like it when you do this, and I will not hang out with you if you don’t. If you continue, I will end our friendship.” Put it that simply and stick to it. If he’s a genuine nice guy, he will respect you. If he doesn’t, much as it may hurt, you will be better off.

Good luck!
CJ

16

I trust most of them not to know him, and therefore won’t sign him in.

Actually, I make him out to be a lot worse than he really is. He’s not actually trying to bug me or anything, it more like he’s trying to be playful. Actually, it’s kind of pathetic sometimes, a lot of the tiems he calls me it’s because he’s bored (generally, his girlfriend is out, so he can’t talk to her, she has a job). He’s never been up here without calling to ask first (unlike another guy, who once called to be signed in at 11:30 at night, when I was trying to sleep), he’s genuinely nice, I just don’t think he realizes how much some of this bugs me. I think part of the problem is I flirted with him a lot back in the fall, before he had a girlfriend.

That being said, I am going to talk to him because this is getting to become a major problem, and I’d rather not see this come to the point where it ruins our friendship.

PS, Necro Romancer, yes, he’s like that, he always apologizes and says he didn’t mean to bother me everytime. Actually he apologizes several times, which gets on my nerves, becoming counter-productive. I’m going to talk to him about that as well.

17

One of my coworkers used to pick me up despite being told repeatedly that I didn’t like it. One day I hauled off and punched him in the ribs when he started to do it, no warning, nothing. He asked what the hell THAT was all about. I told him that since he was ignoring my words, I would have to let my actions speak for me. He never picked me up again. Oddly enough, he also quit picking up the other girls/women we worked with, who had also objected to his “playfulness” and who he had also ignored.

Sometimes, when training a mule, you have to get the mule’s attention.

I wouldn’t recommend this method in all circumstances, or even most circumstances. I’m just saying that in my experience, it has worked well sometimes. However, I tend to be somewhat violent when people don’t respect my space after repeated warnings. I COULD have gone to our manager and told him about this character, but the manager was in his young 20s as well (this was at a movie theater, where almost everyone was in their teens and twenties, except for me and the projectionists). The guy I punched probably could have charged me with assault, but I could have charged him with sexual harassment, and gotten just about every other female working in that place to join me.

I REALLY don’t recommend that people haul off and punch other people who pick them up after repeated warnings, unless you’re willing to suffer the consequences. As it happened, my back was killing me that day and I was even more short-tempered than usual.

18

Scribbling furiously on notepad

Scratches head

Hmmm… OK, so maybe I´m not so clueless as I thought after all… :o