I need new friends (long)

The BBQ Pit
1

Okay, last week, my buddy and I are making the usual Saturday night rounds of the places we go, when I step into the music department of the store we’re in. There’s a cute looking gal working there who seems awfully friendly to me. Now, I’m in “Stupid Mode” (for those ladies out there, this is where a semi-intelligent male has an attractive female speak to him and he’s suddenly unable to get his hamster of a brain running on its wheel, so he can make conversation), but I do the best I can to try and talk to her. I leave, cursing myself for being an idiot, and hoping to god that I didn’t give her the impression that I wasn’t interested at all.

So I’ve spent the week, psyching myself up so I’ll be able to make intelligent conversation with her the next time I’m in there (which was yesterday). I’d have gone back before then, but my car has mechanical difficulties and won’t survive the drive (which I’m going to fix Wednesday), so I have to wait until dude and I can go back. We go.

We’re standing outside the store whilst I finish up a cigarette when she walks by. He waits until she goes in and asks me what I think of her. I say, “I dunno, I need to get a good look at her.” A lie, but one told with a reason. If I said anything positive about her and then actually managed to get her to talk to me, etc, etc, he’d be pumping me for info and trying to get me to get her to hook him up with one of her girlfriends. Definately easier for me to keep him in the dark.

We go inside, I ditch his ass in the store and make it over to her section. Its crowded, so there’s no chance for me to talk to her, no big deal, I’ll browse the section until the crowd thins out.

At last, the moment arrives! I’m starting to chat with her and the conversation’s just barely begun when dude walks up and shoves “Flaming Dorkwads Greatest Science Fiction Radio Shows” or some such in my face and says, “What do you think, man?” The only thing that prevented me from pulling my knife out and slitting his throat on the spot was I knew I’d never get this gal interested in me (though if she knew him, she might have done it herself). I try to indicate through my tone of voice and choice of words that this was really bad timing on his part, but he doesn’t pick up on it. Instead, he says something like, “Well, you’re the expert on this kind of stuff…” :rolleyes: As I realize my hopes for getting anywhere with her this evening are going rapidly down the drain, he tries to start a conversation with her! Grrrrr. It quickly goes nowhere because he realizes she’s not interested in what he has to say and even if she was, he wouldn’t have the balls to do anything about it (more on this later).

I deny knowing anything about it, he wanders off, and I give the gal a look of god-what-an-idiot-he-is and leave because I’m too pissed off to be able to talk sensibly at this point. Naturally, I chew his ass out royally when we get outside the store, and he comes back with, “What’d I do? I thought you said you didn’t like her!” :rolleyes:

Our next stop is our usual place for dinner. Why do we go there? Because the hostess has the hots for him and he’s got the hots for her, but he, in his own words, doesn’t have the fucking balls to ask her out. And whenever he’s talking to her, what do I do? I fade quietly into the background so if somehow one of his nuts does manage to protrude far enough outside his body cavity for him to have the courage to ask her out, he won’t be able to blame me if something goes wrong. (Which it wouldn’t. She’d take him out and fuck him, without him having to buy her dinner or a movie. And he still won’t ask her!)

Yes, I intend to pay his ass back for this, but god damn it! I’ve got to meet some intelligent people in this town!!! The one place I knew where to meet them is now off-limits to me as the last gal I went out with hangs out there now, because her current boyfriend works there! GRRRRRRR.

2

Humans–I’m amazed we still manage to procreate sometimes… :wink:

Seriously, with friends like that who needs enemies? I’ve got you beat though: I was in a bar talking to an interesting woman when one of my (drunk) buddies comes up and says “Hey, do you know this guy is my Dungeon Master?” Talk about dumping cold water on hot coals!

3

Friends are great sometimes, aren’t they? :rolleyes: Especially the clueless ones. Next time, before you go into the store, take him aside and explain to him what you expect him to do inside the store (Ex: Please do not come up to me while I’m trying to break the ice with this girl. You are not helping me. We can hang after I get her number). See if this works.

4

BooBoo, won’t work. If I do that, then he’ll spend the rest of the night harassing me (and I do mean harassing) about the whole matter. In fact, I’m going to have difficulty in being in her section again when I’m with dude, because he’s always going to be there when he spots me in that section, “egging” me on (the “Nudge, Nudge, Wink, Wink” sketch by Monty Python is so close to his style its not even funny). See, he thinks that if he shows up in her area and starts prodding me, he’ll be helping me. :rolleyes:

I should explain that this guy once suggested one time that he and I imitate the “Wonder Twins powers activate” bit from SuperFriends to impress a waitress :eek:. Thank fucking god we were in the car driving someplace when he said this! Had we actually been in a restaurant and he’d done this in front of a cute waitress, I would have been left no choice but to kill him with whatever impliments I found handy.

5

The problem is deeper than I thought. If he refuses to listen to reason, can you try to go to the store without him?

6

After I get my car fixed, yes, until then, no. Of course, the day after I get my car fixed, school starts in the evening, which’ll make it difficult for me to get there, but I’m definately gonna try!

7

Good luck. Without him fucking it up, you might stand a chance.

8

Just how old is this friend? If he’s still in the throws of puberty (sp?), then I’ll cut him some slack 'cuz we’re all goofballs then. If you tell me this guy is above the legal drinking age, then I’d STRONGLY recommend you get new friends or tell this one to grow the hell up.

I take it his “people skills” in general are lacking?

Patty

9

Instead of slinking into the background, why don’t you do everything in your power to hook him up with the waitress? If you can make that happen, you won’t have to worry about him hanging around with you anymore (at least for a little while).

10

Marvel he’s in his early 30s (like me). Hell, when I was a teenager I’da never done what he did! Even back then I had more sense than that! And he has some people skills, he can handle a business meeting flawlessly, he just can’t handle women.

FortMarcy, the only way I could hook him up with the gal, since he’s too spineless to do it himself, is to actually set the date and time myself, show up at his place, kick his ass around until he got ready, drive his ass to her place, kick his ass all the way up to her door, and monitor the whole date, slapping him around whenever he started to do something stupid (which would be almost constantly), and just generally do everything for him, because he’s too much the craven little coward to do it himself. It’d be easier for me to go out and get a date!

11

  1. Sales girls are friendly to you so you buy something. Same thing with waitresses. Consequently, they get hit on by a lot of dopes who mistake their professional friendliness with flirting.

  2. Assuming she was actually being friendly with you, how many Blink 182 CDs would you buy before you actually talked to her?

  3. Girls don’t dig guys who carry knives around.

  4. A little gofiness is ok to break the ice, but if your friend is always acting like a moron in front of women, you should tell him to take a hike.

12

Really? News to me.

13

msmith537 let’s tackle these one at a time:

  1. I know this, but in my case the gal paid more attention to me than she did anyone else in the department, which indicates that either A.) She found me interesting or B.) She’s a savvy salesperson who needs to be somewhere making a commission, instead of an hourly wage. She also made sure I noticed her when I was standing outside the store smoking, when she could have easily slipped by without alerting me to her presence. In dude’s case, the hostess gal has told him that she’s good in bed. Now, the only females who’ve ever said that to me were ones who were interested in knowing me carnally.

  2. No Blink 182 CDs for me, actually, can’t stand 'em. But I’m not gonna blow tons of money on CDs just so I can talk to her. Would have spent a long time talking to her on Saturday if dickweed hadn’t butted in.

  3. It ain’t no giant pigsticker or switchblade. Just a pocket knife and nobody knows I carry it.

  4. Agreed.

14

I do.
They are more likely to understand my blade collection.

-pandora

15

So why don’t you set up the date yourself? Next time you two are out dining and she strolls around ask her “Would you go out with my friend if he asked you?” Force her to answer.

If she answers “yes”, then don’t let her leave until he does ask her.

If she says “no”, you’ve gotten your revenge.

16

I’m finding it hard to believe you and your friend are in your early 30s when you act more like teenagers.

And this is the kind of guy you hang with? No wonder you two are dateless.

If you want to go out with this record store clerk, go to the music store alone and talk to her like a rational adult.
By your early 30s, you ought to have learned the rudiments of picking up women. If she’s at all interested in you, she’ll let you know.

17

FortMarcy, somehow, somewhere, one of us has missed something, because as I explained, me asking her on behalf of him would do no good (except get him insanely angry and I’d have to spend the rest of the night listening to his tirades about what I’d done and how horrible it was, etc, etc). Not worth the trouble.

goboy, I’m in my early 30s and will confess that until recently suffered from testicular deprivation myself. However, of late, my testicles have decided to descend and I’m forever grateful. I certainly intend to pay her a visit, once I get my car operational enough to make the trip. (Radiator’s bad, and the car overheats if I drive for more than 45 minutes at a time, heater fan doesn’t work, so I can’t use that to suppliment the lack of a radiator.)

Hence, the title of this thread. :smiley:

18

Did I miss something?

It seems to me that the obvious solution is to GO TO THE STORE WITHOUT HIM!

19

Um, yeah. That’s great. Glad that’s working out for you.

Tuckerfan - Maybe you should just not hang out with this guy anymore. He sounds like a big loser.

I knew guys in college who would always play stupid jokes on each other in front of women. Most of the girls who knew them (even the ones who found them funny at first) eventually thought they were jerks. I think the only reason people do this is that they get jealous at the other persons success. Its pretty pathetic.

Im not an expert, but I think girls like guys who make jackass comments about as much as they like slobering drunks in bars. There is a fine line between being cute and being a big fat dork. I think your friend crossed that line and waved bye bye to it a long time ago.

20

SHHHHH!!! your harshing my “hot woman talked to me” buzz!