Byz, I understand and agree with you. It’s usually not a case of feeling you can’t be raw and uncensored in real life; it’s that you don’t want to. You may love 90% of the things your family, friends, or co-workers do, but this board can give you a private place where you can unload how you feel about the other 10% without hurting them.
Check out the dates of this thread. Its an old one. I have seen a couple like this one so far this morning resurected by the same person.
There is only one person I know who knows I post here and he is the one who told me about it. I like keeping it to myself.
test/excuse me
I think it is a pretty big conciet to think that the person you “really” are even exisits. They don’t. We are all many different people in many different situations, and I don’t think this is selling out, I think this is living up to all of our potentials, even when some of them contradict each other. I can be the quiet version of myself in some enviroments and the obnoxious version of myself in other enviroments, the expert, the learner, the understanding one, the sullen bitch (one particular enviroment). I enjoy who I am with my mother, I enjoy who I am with my husband, I enjoy who I am with various friends. In all these cases who I am is pretty fantastic. But I do suffer from a sort of psychic angst when ever I have to try and be two variations on myself at once, and that is why I delibereatly keep certain areas of my life seperate. Frankly, I don’t feel that I am obligated to reveal all of myself (if I even knew what that was) to anyone I know–I am entitled to chose what I want to be around them, as they are around me.
Being the same person in all situations sounds terribly boring.
I’m a pretty open person, and the people I choose to spend my time with are pretty ok with that. Still, if some of my friends actually bought a computer (an unlikely event, if you knew how techno-phobic most of them are), I’d point them in this direction. If they did happen to find something they thought was TMI, it’s not my fault. Look before you leap, I was here first.
I’m probably more outspoken IRL anyway. I can debate better in person, because I can keep my tone of voice and gestures on a friendly level. Online, I find a lot of the debates can get ugly.
While I was dating my ex he pointed me towards this board. We both lurked for a long time, but I registered before he did. At first I censored myself a bit, knowing he was reading up on me. 
When he finally showed up I wanted to point him out to everyone as a rockin’ cool guy, but he wants to keep to himself, and keep the history a nice little secret we share.
With him, either way is fine. I have another friend with whom I shared chat, and I regret it. I hope she doesn’t ever wander onto the boards. Don’t get me wrong, she is great, but I don’t think she would get it.
I know this is an old thread that has been resurrected along with several others, but I feel like it’s a good one. (Thanks for starting it, Byz, so long ago!)
I share things from here a lot with friends and family, but I don’t encourage anyone to join or post, 'cause it’s MINE! I do share a lot here that I wouldn’t necessarily want the world to see for one reason or another. And my husband would freak, 'cause he would probably say that I was giving out TMI on way lot of things!
Yes… I heard my boyfriend talk about this board on occasions… I finally checked it out for myself and I loved it! However, I felt like I was somehow imposing on his space by posting here… Of course, I do not know the result for sure(ys, I did eventually tell him that I was on here)… but it seems that Yue Han has not been affected too much by having me around.
Funny this should come up. I’ve always thought my husband would enjoy much of what is written here, but I haven’t actively recruited him. He knows my username, that much I’m sure of. Today, however, I was on HIS computer and I clicked on a thread where I had mentioned blowjobs, for an update. Then Cranky Jr cried or something and I left and never got to read it–forgot about it, in fact. It must have opened right to one of my quotes.
So at dinner tonight, my husband says, "What’s this about blowjobs? " LOL
There is only one friend I wouldn’t want to be here. I’m pretty much myself, and don’t have much to hide.
[[[[[[[[So at dinner tonight, my husband says, "What’s this about blowjobs? " LOL ]]]]]]<— CAAOM
You can’t just leave us hanging here like that !!!
:::::::: come on ----- Please, Pretty Please with Sugar on it !!! ::::::
Mr. Cranky: So What’s this about blowjobs? It was up on my screen when I got back to my computer.
Cranky: Oh, THAT. [Waves hand dismissively in air] Well, you see, there was this girl who posted about this episode… [Cranky launches into long, involved, overly detailed description with numerous tangents until Mr. Cranky’s eyes glaze over].
Exciting enough for you?
This is probably going to sound like a pit rant, but so be it. Several people here have posted that they feel free to say anything they want to in real life. This leads to three possibilities.
The first is that everything in your life really is perfect and you can always going around truthfully telling every person you meet that life is wonderful and couldn’t be better. People like you are insane, but it’s a happy kind of insanity. The rest of us can only envy the short but happy lifes you will lead before being murdered.
The second possibility is that you feel honesty is the best policy and make sure you share the truth with everyone you know. After all, your wife is undoubtedly happier knowing that you don’t find her as attractive now that she’s getting older. And your sister would want to know how you hate having her young children around. And it’s only right that you tell your neighbor how ridiculous you find his religious beliefs to be. And your co-workers surely appreciate your honesty in telling them about all the things they say or do which annoy you each day.
The third possibility is that you watch what you say and think at all times, both online and in real life. You never say or do anything that would offend anyone else. Your secret is that you never have any thoughts that would offend anyone else. Whenever you start having a bad thought, you just bury in deep inside your mind where no one, including yourself, will ever see it. Much the same way all the bodies of those drifters and hitchhikers are buried in your basement.
The rest of us go a fourth way. We want to talk about a person but not to that person’s face. So we come here, safe in the knowledge that neither that person nor anyone who knows them will ever hear what we have to say. It’s cheaper than psychiatry, has better feedback than a diary, and less spiritual baggage than talking to God.
I gave some thought to what you said, Little Nemo, and it’s possible that I just never post anything in a public forum that I don’t want people to see. Perhaps it is self-censorhip. I learned a long time ago not to say anything about someone behind their back that I wouldn’t be willing to say to that person. I tend to give a lot of thought to what I say about someone, for lack of a better term, behind their back, IRL and online. Having said that, I am fairly open with my friends. I always tell them that although I can be offensive at times, they never have to guess how I feel about them, or their actions, or even my own.
My husband posts here. He often reads what I post. Occasionally he is offended, like when I posted in a thread about what you don’t like about your SO. I didn’t post anything I wouldn’t have said (and hadn’t said) to his face. I felt ok about it.
I’m pretty happy, so I guess I have a little of the first possibility. I try hard to be fairly honest about myself, and I do (usually tactfully) approach sensitive subjects with my friends, so a little of the second possibility. I also try to watch what I say, so a little bit of the third possibility as well.
Your fourth way is fine. I certainly hope you didn’t mean your post in a judgemental way, because I certainly don’t feel judgemental about the way you choose to deal with your private thoughts. We all have different beliefs on how to handle certain situations, and my way certainly isn’t the best for everyone, and perhaps I’ll one day deal with things differently myself. Who knows.
I feel like I should add an explanation on why I try so hard to discuss issues with my friends. Many years back, I had a situation where I found out that several of my friends had major issues with me. They were my judge and jury, and I never had an opportunity to defend my own actions, since they never mentioned any of it to me. They were still really friendly to me, and then discussed everything about me behind my back. I gave it a lot of thought, and realized that in small ways, I often was guilty of the same thing. I would get really mad at someone, and not tell them. They never had a chance to defend themselves. I resolved not to do that anymore. If you really piss me off, you deserve to know, and have a chance to give me your side of things. I find that 90% of people tend to appreciate the chance to explain things before they get out of control.
I might assume that you view posting about your private life differently, but I thought an explanation of where I’m coming from on this issue would help clarify things. I know that your post wasn’t directed soley towards me, but I did want to express my view on it anyway.
Lola, I agree that gossip behind your back can be hurtful. But the point I was trying to make was that gossip in your face can be hurtful as well, which is why online conversations are useful.
Let me use a variation of one of the examples I gave. Let’s say you have a poor opinion of Mormonism. (Hopefully no one needs to be told that I’m only using this as an example; I have no reason to think lola has any opinions, good or bad, on this subject.) One day you’re talking to Bob, a co-worker you like, and he mentions that he is a Mormon. Would honesty compel you to tell him, “Personally, Bob, I’ve always felt only idiots could believe that garbage”? Most people would decide to use some tact and avoid the subject with Bob. Some people might still discuss their beliefs with other people they know and hope that no one passes it on to Bob. Other people might decide they can never mention their true opinions on the subject again for fear of offending Bob or some other person. Message boards like this offer a safe alternative; a chance to discuss real life issues without worrying about hurting or offending the people you know in real life.
Obviously there are times when real communication is needed and people have to tell other people unpleasant truths. But a lot of times, people have a need to say something without having a specific need for any particular person to hear it.