Earlier today, I posted a personal problem in MPSIMS for people to advise me on. I was looking for creative solutions to a psychological issue I’ve been having. Other people have posted threads specifically to ask for moral support and to know that someone knows their pain, but a doper who shall remain nameless decided to FLAME me on the most PAINFUL experience I’ve had since reaching adulthood.
Is this standard Doper practice? Telling someone who’s in real trouble and trying to get out of it that he’s the scum of the earth, that he shouldn’t be allowed near normal people and that he needs medical care? I am in therapy, make no mistake, but when I sincerely ask for advice I don’t generally expect people to say “you’re creepy and slightly psychotic” to me, I know I have my problems but it’s just a shitty thing to do. I tell him so, and he has the balls to pump out MORE shit about how self-obsessed and useless I am, basically saying that I shouldn’t have posted in the first place. Is it not the prerogative of a Doper to just not open any post he/she takes offense to? What the fuck is this guy’s problem? Usually I come to the Pit to try to help people give up grudges if I can, but right now I’m seething.
loupdebois
I read the thread in question.
Okay, let me explain.
When you come to Dopers for advice, you will not always recieve that which you want to hear. It’s not that people are attacking YOU personally it’s that they see something that maybe you don’t.
Did Doper in question go about it in a wrong way? Yeah, I would say so agree given the fact that you gave your information upfront about your mental health issues. Keep in mind that not all people that have never had or been around those with depressive episodes understand this.
I can attest to that. I am prone to depressive episodes and my father, whom I love dearly, has no fucking clue as to how to deal with me during those times. It’s always how HE would approach something forgetting that my need for his approach just doesn’t cut it because of my mental state when going through a depression.
I would state to let it go, if you can and look at others that may respond to your thread.
As for my advice, you are dealing with a raw wound at the moment. You need to feel it and possibly write down in a private journal (or even an online journal away from the boards) where you can get out your feelings. Depressive or not, we all feel unworthy and extremelly sad when we break up with what we think was our other half. Give it another week and try as hard as you can to not let it fester.
I know you don’t want to hear the “other fish in the sea” thing but it’s true. Right now you don’t want to hear it but if you feel it and let it go through it’s course you can begin to see yourself as desirable and a good catch in your own time.
Also, know that having an SO in your life doesn’t make you complete. You need to learn to feel complete on your own before you can give to others. I am 33 going on 34 and have many heartbreaks. I am not saying that they didn’t hurt because they did but I also know that I must feel whole in myself before I can enter into a relationship again.
Oddly enough, I am starting to get back that sense of me again (after a few years of feeling worthless) and contemplating starting to date again. It wont be easy because of the baggage I do carry with me but eh, I am really starting to feel like I really know who I am and what i am about.
Surely that didn’t help you much but hey, those are my thoughts.
Good luck and don’t worry about some of the things you see. People see and react differently to things. Some will see you as very weak others will see a person that’s hurting. That’s what makes the SDMB interesting…we aren’t all in one mindset.
One person out of the thousands of members says he finds your behavior scary and you ask this question?
To be fair to astro, you didn’t state in your OP that you were currently under the care of a mental health professional, and frankly before then I would have agreed with his opinion if not exactly stated it in that fashion.
This is a big board, with a lot of members. Sometimes you hear stuff that isn’t pleasant, even regulars hear it. (And sometimes the unpleasant stuff is maybe what you need to hear, though not necessarily true in this instance.) Frankly, not everyone gets along here, which shouldn’t be surprising considering human behavior and personalities. If you don’t like someone, use the Ignore feature (but please don’t say “I’m ignoring so-and-so”, the mods don’t like that), or simply ignore them outright, or argue with them. It happens.
I’m sorry he went off on you like that, but hopefully from the responses you got, you can find something to help you.
Having read both the OP and the post in question (BTW, good practice is to link to it in your OP here), I gotta say he didn’t come off as flaming to me. i think he gave you his honest opinion and that in your current state you’re not going to react well to someone saying that you freaked them out. I know I reacted much the same when someone reacted that way to me (though off the boards).
And I think you are slightly over-reacting to his post. But again, I can see where you’re coming from and I understand you. I just also can see his POV. My advice to you (not that you asked for it here, but you did in the other thread) is to focus on tangible things (which this board, IMNSHO, isn’t entirely) until you can get a grasp on what you want from life. I don’t think that you should have posted all that you did either. But again I can see how from your POV it was something that could foreseeably pan out.
Good luck:)
[this pc is messing up. sorry if this double-posts]
I read your thread, and as a person who suffers from depression and has codependent personality disorder, I think astro was quite harsh in responding to you. When you’ve depression, getting dumped is one of the worst things that can happen. If you’re already feeling lonely and helpless, getting left by the person whom you care the most about is almost certain to magnify those feelings tenfold.
I didn’t see anything in your OP that came off as creepy or alarming. Jesus Christ, man, you just got dumped! A lot of people would experience a lot of the things you’re feeling, depressed or not.
But maybe I’m just clouded by my own struggles with mental illness, and need to get some “perspective.” :rolleyes:
loup, I have been in a very similar situation to yours in the past, after a bad breakup. I was in college at the time, and following the breakup, among other things, I ended up flunking out with a 0.7 GPA. If you need someone to talk to, feel free to e-mail me.
I DID see things in your MPSIMS OP that came off as slightly creepy and alarming. When your “remaining friends” stay with you to keep you from committing suicide, ANYONE would be alarmed. However, among the more important lessons to learn in life is perspective. You must learn not to set so much store on other’s opinions of you.
I noticed you attempted to shut down all other responses to that thread, yet you opened this one. In order to judge the accuracy of your statements here, a responsible member will go back and find the thread you referred to. It’s as if you’ve invited people to “pick at the wound”, as we can’t join you in condemming another member without reading what was exchanged.
I think you should focus on your real world friends, and your real world therapy. Use the SDMB for passive entertainment for a while, not for interaction. When you make such posts, you lay your soul open to thousands of strangers, with greater or lesser sensitivity, and with NO personal knowedge of how you’ve arrived in your present state. Given your present vulnerability, it doesn’t seem to me to be a productive activity.
I think Astro had the best intentions for you in mind when he posted in such manner. His attitude is what gets me out of the doldrums whenever I descend there and believe me I know there is no greater heart ache than rejection by a loved one other than losing a child.
Feel free to choose the sympathy/advice that will work for you, but don’t get bogged down on Astro if you don’t think he has anything to offer you.
I think his post was a bit harsh, but I was also alarmed by the OP.
Dude, right now, I think the best thing is to concentrate on getting better. Depression has a way of throwing your perspective on things WAY off.
Thanks to everyone, apologies to Astro. I overreacted and should proofread my posts to make sure that they include all the information.
Yes, I do lay my soul bare to thousands, because I do not believe in my privacy. People who do not want to deal with my issues are not required to read them, which makes me much more comfortable asking for help here than from my friends, who immediately feel guilty if they brush me off. I do feel that getting the opinion of strangers (provided I give them all the information) is as helpful as going to friends, although I should have been prepared for criticism. There are days when I have no one to talk to, and I have access to the Internet at work… SDMB allows me to vent my frustrations without yelling at clients.
I think that although the SDMB was originally intended as a think tank of the masses, it has become more, and I do not feel that I have polluted it by starting that thread… but I am not willing to risk the wrath of many Dopers for my own benefit. Life is hard enough.
I don’t think anyone who has responded thinks that you have “polluted” the boards, or in fact acted (posted) inappropriately.
It’s just a matter of having a thick skin. I too say things here that I would not say to almost anyone in my RW existence, and so I also get responses that no one in my RW existence would say. Some of these I appreciate, some I definitely do not.
You’re skin is not thick now. Be careful, take time, remember our opinions are just that, and not to be taken as any more important than yours or your friend’s.
yojimboguy said “Your skin is not thick now.”
loupdebois, I’ve had to cope with depression on and off for over a decade. Fortunately, for me at least, it comes and goes. But what I’ve found is, when I was at my most fragile, anything hurt. Someone would say how good the weather was and I’d take it the wrong way.
Okay, I’m exaggerating. Slightly. But I did a lot of apologising to people before I installed a circuit-breaker between my mouth and my brain.
What I’m saying is, at the moment, think twice, post once, y’know? Written communication is far more prone to miscommunications because of everything that’s missing from it; we may have more time to polish and edit our words, but all the other cues like tone of voice, facial expression are missing.
The other thing is, if your ex does post here, you’re still communicating with her by posting things like this. Maybe consider posting about anything but her and your breakup. I understand that you want to talk about it, but maybe somewhere where she hangs out isn’t necessarily the best place to do it.
Hang in there. From your first post in MPSIMS, you’ve got some good friends who are prepared to stay with you through this; lean on them, make sure to say thanks for their support, be there for them if they ever need it, and keep the treatment going. My email’s in my profile if you want to get in touch.