Doper ladies: have you turned into your mother?

Actually, anyone can answer this - guys or girls. I’m just interested to find out who swore they’d never act like their parents (or anyone else who raised them) yet, inexplicably, started doing so anyway.

When I was younger, my mom was constantly telling me that, even if I wasn’t her greatest fan, I’d turn into her sooner or later. And, damn the luck, but she was right! Well, at least for certain things:

My mom is obsessed with food. She’s constantly planning her next meal. When I was younger, I swore up and down that I’d never waste so much time on my meals. Fast forward 15 years and I’m not as obsessed, but I do spend an inordinate amount of time thinking about what’s for dinner, though most of it is poring through ways to get in maximum nutrition.

My mom was constantly telling me that jeans were awful and refused to let me wear them around her. I thought this was absolutely ridiculous. So, naturally, as soon as I moved out, jeans and flannel shirts quickly comprised about 90% of my wardrobe. But, lo and behold, as I’ve gotten older (I’m 32 now), I’ve found myself turning down jeans in favor of nicer, casual slacks and replacing my hiking boots with nicer shoes.

Mom insisted that I wear makeup, even to get the mail which I still think is impractical. I don’t wear a whole lot of makeup to work, much less to get the mail. But, I still can’t make myself go outside in my PJs or even with my hair all messy, even just to get the milk on milk day. (Yes, we have it delivered.)

I’m careful about manners. I used to think they were useless and constantly ragged on my Mom about enforcing them so much, but the older I’ve gotten, the more valuable they’ve become for social lubrication. I also appreciate it more and really take notice when people use manners around me.

So, in what ways have you found yourself turning into your parents?

I look like her more every day. :smack: And sometimes sound like her (my laugh, for instance.) But that’s about it. I have/want no children, and she’s a mom to the core. She’s also a Republican and somewhat religious.

I’ve only turned into my mother in terms of health – and only partially. I grew up watching her never take care of herself, and her Type II diabetes caused all sorts of complications and she’s now Type I (with most of the same diabetes-related complications). I swore that I would never be like that, yet here I am: 37 years old, overweight, sedentary, and recently diagnosed with Type II diabetes. I keep telling myself that I will not continue down this path: I’ve been making changes to my eating habits, and I plan to join a gym that’s near work. But I’ve been overweight for a long time, and despite seeing what it did to my mother I haven’t done a damn thing about it. Meh.

In all other respects, though, she and I are very different people.

I couldn’t be much more different from my mother than if I’d been adopted. Aside from a slight physical resemblance and my inherited ability to cook (which came from her mother), we are very different in pretty much all ways. I am far more like my step-mother in terms of personality, interests and the way I think.

Not yet. Growing up, me and my three brothers heard repeatedly “Just you wait till you have children of your own - this will all come back to you!” We evidently took her on her word and none of us had children :smiley:

In some ways, definitely. My mom always, always has a to-do list. I used to make fun of her—now I find myself making a to-do list every weekend. She’s not at all touchy-feely or squeamish; she’s a real “roll up your sleeves and get it done” kind of person, which I’ve found myself turning into more and more. She has a compulsion to feed people; I have a compulsion to feed people. Neither of us can abide whiners.

In other ways, I’ve made a conscious effort not to become like her. I’m more patient. I don’t give people unsolicited advice. I take much better care of myself—I exercise a lot and manage my weight.

It felt like a real milestone in terms of becoming an adult when I realized, “I sound just like my mother…and that’s okay.”

Not so much, although that would have been a good thing. Mom was much more into and capable about homemaking. She had a schedule of what got done when, and by golly she stuck to it. Me, I do laundry when I’m out of clean clothes (tonight), dust and vacuum if people are coming over or if I just can’t stand it any more, and so on. When I was not employed, I tried to approach what I had been taught were proper standards, but mostly did not measure up. OTOH, I did what my mother had very much wanted to do but was prevented by time and circumstance – graduated from college and had a carreer (actually 3 of them at last count) as well as 2 kids.

The weird thing is this, though: In our family, people had always said my older sister resembled mom, but that I didn’t. A few months after Mom died, I cut my long hair. A few days later I was shocked: looking into the mirror, I looked EXACTLY like my mother. And I mean EXACTLY.

Same here. When I was a kid, I used to have dreams in which my mother would take off her mask and be someone else. Once I read a book about a girl who found out she was adopted by discovering her birth certificate hidden in a drawer, and after that I looked around for mine.

I know I wasn’t really adopted, but I can’t think of anything we have in common. We get along fine; it just doesn’t come naturally.

My mom and I are very different. She’s religious and votes republican. She tends to see the world in black or white and has trouble understanding how anyone could see it differently. Hence she’s not a very good listener. She also has a tendency to worry too much, but generally she’s very sweet and just wants everyone to be happy.

I know she loves me but I don’t feel like she knows me very well. If I ever have kids, I would try to be more involved in their lives than she was in mine, especially during their teenage years.

I did inherit her love of traveling and books, and a somewhat laissez-faire attitude towards house cleaning.

Interesting question.

In several good ways, yes – I’m a voracious reader and a knowlegable fan of painting and the visual arts. I’ve been volunteering for Obama (and she definitely inculcated my predilection for progressive politics) doing voter registration – she worked avidly for the League of Women Voters while stuck in the suburbs when my siblings and I were kids. I’ve really had some warm fuzzy moments thinking about the element of legacy in my recent labors.

In a couple of not-so-good ways also – I’m pathologically independent, to the point where my inability to ask for help has gotten me in trouble more than once.

In some areas, though, it’s “no and thank god” – she was bipolar (I merely have a tendency towards depression) and an active alcoholic (I’ve been sober more than 20 years).

If I even suspected I was turning into a person anything like my mother, I would jump off the nearest bridge.

My voice, especially my singing voice, is very similar to hers. She also passed down an obsession with dieting in fits and starts and eating instead of feeling, a highly destructive habit which I’m only really starting to break out of at 30.

She’s also the biggest worrier alive (since grandma passed) and once mom passes, I’m pretty sure that distinction will fall to me. :smack:

Mom is also a religious nutball who doesn’t believe in global warming, thinks the Republicans are always right and doesn’t understand why freedom of religion is something we should protect.

She believes that the government should have as much information as they need to “keep us safe” and that the only people who are worried about “stuff like that” are “hiding something”.

She generally submits to her husband and the church’s opinions, even if she disagreed before getting their input and she currently has a “Vote Yes to Marriage between 1 man/1 woman” sign in her front yard.

She cries at most movies and intentionally watches/listens to things that will leave her in a heap of tears. She loves Hallmark cards.

By contrast, I cannot STAND crying in front of people and hate feeling emotionally manipulated by movies/music/greeting cards. I’m not at all religious, I definitely believe in global warming, I can’t remember the last time I trusted the GOP and I’d fight to the death to ensure that my mom can continue to believe whatever crackpot religion she wants, even though I personally couldn’t disagree with her more.

I’m always worried that the government wants too much insight into my life and get ill at the idea of someone looking through my library records or tapping my phone.

I’m independent to a fault and have smooshed a couple of relationships into the ground by failing to agree to disagree and my best friend is a lesbian.

So really, I escaped relatively unscathed.

Oh, I’ve completely turned into my mother.

It’s the little things that strike me the most. When doing chores around the house, my mom has this habit of entering a room, and then scanning it to see what needs to be done. She’ll stand with her hands on her hips and her head cocked to one side while she’s considering it. I’ve caught my reflection and noticed I was doing the exact same thing without being aware of it. I do a lot of Mom Stuff like that.

I have a friend who’s the exact opposite–she WAS adopted, and you could never tell. There’s even a striking physical resemblance, they play the same instrument, etc.

Me, I’m turning into the progressive/liberal version of my dad…who’s admittedly pretty socially liberal himself except on abortion.

I’m 38 and my mother adores teasing me when she catches me being like her. We’re both nurturers, love to feed everyone and sometimes get in trouble over-extending ourselves to help other people. Neither of us is particularly good at housework or care very much about it.

I think she’s most proud when she catches me being not like her, though. She has chronic low self-esteem, where I have to be careful not to boast about how cool I am. She’s intelligent but always backs down from conflict and puts herself down as ignorant and uneducated, I read voraciously and will stand up for my own point of view in any argument. She’s very co-dependent and I’m not, we’re both family oriented but I have a decent social life and circle of friends outside of my family. Her marriage to my father has never really been a happy one, not that they’ll ever leave it, and I was happily single for years before falling deliriously in love and staying happy in my relationship.

Those are all the types of ways that I could have been like her, but have really tried making conscious choices to live my life differently.

Despite the fact that I look almost exactly like my mother and have some of her physical mannerism, I don’t seem to be all that similar to her personality-wise.

However, we’re totally opposite in terms of our feelings on housekeeping (her: neatfreak, me: not so much), cooking (her: cooking is a chore, me: bakes to de-stress), shopping (see cooking), money (her: scrimp and save, me: splurge occasionally), and work (her: live to work, me: work to live). We do seem to agree on art and decor, but that’s because my taste is impeccable. :smiley:

My sister is far more like my mom than I could ever be, despite the fact that she got her looks from my father’s side of the family.

I am my mother. I knew I would turn into her. I even warned my husband before we married that it would happen. My mother and I fought like cats and dogs for 22 years only because we are so much alike and know how to push each other’s buttons.

The most obvious is interaction with my children. I now understand the orders, “I’m cold. Go put on a sweatshirt,” and, “Turn on a light - how can you see to read in here?!” I’ve used (sparingly) “Because I’m the mother and I said so,” and, “Just because you have a friend over does not mean the rules of this house have changed.”

I’m hoping to remember some of the more negative things and change them. Things like listening more and being more supportive. Not picking fights for the fun of it. Really listening instead of treating children like they’re a chatty nuisance all the time. (even if they sometimes are)

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Actually, anyone can answer this - guys or girls. I’m just interested to find out who swore they’d never act like their parents (or anyone else who raised them) yet, inexplicably, started doing so anyway.

Yep, as the parent of two daughters, 28 and 21, I’ve turned into my mom.

My 28-year-old is Nevada, so I can “Mom” my 21-year-old. (As mentioned earlier, my 21-yr-old & her family moved in with our family so I feel free to “Mom” her, as I swore I’d never do when I was a kid.

Am I pushy? Overbearing? I sure hope not!

Love, Phil

In some ways, yes. I am rather obese, but don’t weigh as much as my mom. Also, I’m a pack rat, not particularly fond of housework, and worry a lot. On the other hand, I try to get some exercise and take care of my health, so as to avoid the health problems she has now (high blood pressure, possible diabetes, etc.) Also, I am not a hypochondriac, and try to get the facts on various issues before I form an opinion. Mom loves reading books about angels, life after death, and aliens, while I have no time for that stuff, to put it mildly. She gets on my case about the clutter in my room, but I’ve noticed I’m the one who takes out the trash and washes dishes when the pile in the sink gets dangerously tall. So, I’ve turned into my mother, to some extent, but not completely, for which no one is more thankful than me.

there has to be something, but… guess I should ask my brothers…

There’s probably some things about which I’m self delusional, as Mom, her Mom and Mom’s sis are all very good at lying to themselves, but my cousin on that side doesn’t seem to do it, so maybe (I hope) I don’t either.

Oh, yes, and I’d discovered that she’s right when she says that “shame is for young people,” but we still choose our clothes in completely opposite ways, eat different, like different books and different movies and even when we like the same one - I dislike the parts she loved and viceversa.

Sometimes I think Mom and SiL have more of their brain in common than Mom and me.